Do you find yourself managing and controlling many aspects of your life? Do you avoid certain foods, activities, environments or people because you’re afraid of what might happen if you don’t? Are you limited to expressing only a few emotions? If yes, fear may secretly be leading your life.
Many people’s lives are run by fear and they don’t even know it as its hidden in the mask of functionality. I was one of those people. I thought I had it all together, after all I was able to successfully complete graduate school with a 4.0 while getting a dual masters and doctorate degree, I exercised routinely and ate healthy, paid all my bills ahead of time, mentored with the masters in my field and still managed to have time for family and friends. Life looked picture perfect.
“So many of us choose our path out of fear disguised as practicality…” Jim Carrey
Then the perfectly oval egg cracked. The contents that could no longer be contained spilled out as perpetual fear of failure, inadequacy with simultaneous fear of being seen in my greatness, and the underlying feeling that I could no longer control it all.
There comes a time (hopefully) when you see how you’ve tried to avoid, limit or control your life. You see your patterns clear as day and realize that all this “functionality” you’ve been doing is to avoid feeling perceived, potential pain.
Perhaps the pain you’ve been avoiding is coming face to face with loss of a personal or business relationship, facing a personal failure, change in function of your body, or fear of a physical threat to your safety.
There was a moment for me where I saw clearly the years of avoiding, controlling, hiding and managing my life for fear that I would be physically harmed and my life would be in danger if I didn’t. Seeing this pattern forced me to instantly stop running. The pain of being in fear and survival, and not in love, became too great. I could not, for a single breath more, live this way. In that moment I felt the pain, fear and terror of the potential threat to my safety and danger to my existence that I had been running from by managing my every move. In feeling into it, it instantly liberated me. I felt a “brotherly” love for that which I previously allowed to control my life. My perceived fear softly and gently turned and walked the other direction as I took my first breath in love.
If you experience a general numbness, are on automatic pilot mode in your life, or limit your participation with life, fear may be in your drivers’ seat. If you would like to discover more about how you may be operating in fear disguised as functionality give us a call.
Dr. Amanda Hessel, DC