Attaining your dreams ≠ your security
Illusion of certainty & security
We all want to feel safe, supported and taken care of and live our dreams. Our lives basically revolve around making this a reality for ourselves. We make sure we have the job, business, home, finances, health, relationships, and connections, which give us a “sense” of certainty or security that we will be ok. As long as things “work out” or continue in the ways we think we need them too, we consider our life stable and a success.
Those of us fortunate (or unfortunate) enough to attain this level of success often realize that it’s not all the glam its built up to be. Yes, it does feel good to have the material possessions, relationships and level of contribution that you desire, but “stress” about money, health and relationships often persists even when people make $1M per year, have the partnership they desire, eat healthier than 95% of the population and are contributing to the world like crazy. I actually see more times than not, that as people achieve more, their stress levels rise as they now try to manage, control, maintain and grow that which they created.
So if attaining all of our dreams does not guarantee our certainty and security, then what does?
Embracing uncertainty creates certainty
Most people have heard the saying that you have to detach from the outcome. We can typically do this for things that are “smaller” that don’t effect our sense of security, however when it comes to “bigger” things like our business, family, health or life purpose we tend to cling on for dear life, literally.
Being “ok” or your sense of security does not come from things “working out” how you think they should, but instead comes from your ability to remain unshaken despite however things turn out. What this looks like is this: You just received a diagnosis of cancer, instead of terror and dread of your immorality, you experience a gentle solidity inside of you. Your business takes a rapid decline, instead of fear of how you will pay your bills and keep your house, a soft voice speaks inside of you reminding you it is working out for you. A relationship unexpectedly ends and instead of devastation you know inside that you are ok on your own.
Now this doesn’t mean that you don’t feel whatever emotions come with these experiences. You do, perhaps even more so, however you have a deeper resting place inside your being of knowing you are ok, safe and secure. Through embracing uncertainty, you’ve relinquished the need to have your life look a certain way. This creates security in yourself and how you show up with this new set of life experiences that is presenting itself. This is the only experience of true “certainty” that I have found to exist.
Those who find this way experience true freedom. They are not attached to outcome and thus are not stressed trying to control and manage their life. Simultaneously they care deeply for life, so much so that they will put their arrogance aside of thinking they know what it is supposed to look like at every twist and turn, and learn to trust the rhythm of this grand universe we are all a part of and which is orchestrating life on scales much larger than our mind’s limited and narrow perspective can see.
Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado