aligned as love

FEAR

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FEAR 

Perception of powerlessness

What is fear?  Fear is the thought that something bad might happen or the perception/belief that something bad is happening in this moment.  Fear often comes with a cascade of emotions and bodily sensations such as panic, powerlessness, unsteadiness, tension, pain or uneasiness.  Fear is almost always found right along side of uncertainty, where the uncertainty is undesirable by the perceiver.  The hallmark of fear is a sense of unavoidable, uncontrollable doom of which you can do nothing about.  A sense of powerlessness to circumstance floods your mind.  The typical reactions to this powerlessness are to brace yourself for potential impact, become apathetically detached or fight it all costs.  

You have all heard the saying that “what we fear controls us” and it’s true.  We give our free will or our power to whatever it is we fear.  It then decides for us rather than us being the decider.  We forfeit our chooser-ship-ness and allow ourselves to be chosen for by the thing out there or over there that we deem as frightening or unwanted.  We do this blindly.  In a way you could call it an act of faith.  Faith in our conviction of powerlessness in which our blind act of handing over our power reinforces.  

Why do we so blindly and obediently give away our power?  Partly because we don’t actually know that we have it.  Your free will is your power.  They are synonymous.  Most do not know or are unfamiliar with their own power, meaning they don’t realize themselves as having free will.  There are no classes in our early educational system that talk about that fact that you are free being, that you have free will or that focus on simply allowing you to be yourself.  Rarely are your natural impulses allowed to be expressed, but instead the opposite is the case.  We are told what to do, where to go, when to be there and how to conform.  Very little if any attention gets placed on the inherent nature of our sovereign, free self.  No wonder we are such a lost and confused society.  We don’t realize our free will because it has become so entangled with the culturally accepted norms of our society.  Often to be in your power, or choosing for yourself rather than based on what others may view as right, gives the appearance of being set apart from them.  There are certain others that may want nothing to do with you if you decide for yourself and it is contrary to how they view.  You may view some of those others as being very important to you.  They may provide for you physically or emotionally, and since our most basic need is connection we will do whatever it takes to not lose connection with others less we feel isolated, alone or unsupported.  This is how we innocently give away the power we didn’t even know we had.   

FEAR’S REMEDY

Knowing your inherent freeness 

Yes you are already free.  In this moment you have all the freedom and free you will ever have, no matter what the circumstances are that are currently showing up on your screen of life.  Your free will has always been intact.  The fact that this has probably not felt like the experience you always have is only simply because you have not realized this basic truth, that you are already free.  You still believe part of you to not be free yet, which means you don’t experience seamless freedom.  You believe you need this thing or that thing, this person or that person, this situation or that situation, and so you manipulate yourself (which includes conforming, compressing or not being yourself) in order to try to get what you think you need or want.  You develop strategy, sometimes very efficient and effective strategy, but there is no trust, only reliance on strategy.  This means you can never truly relax or rest, hence the tension, unease, pain and discomfort of fear prevail in your experience.  

People often view freedom as external, meaning being able to do the things they want to do, live where they want to live, be in relationship with who they want, have their body function in a particular way, etc.  Inner freedom has nothing to do with this idea of external freedom or being able to do what you want or have the things you want.  See if we view freedom as an external phenomenon than all the ducks always have to be lining up in the right rows, and if one one duck falls out of alignment then the system crashes and we are not free again.  This is not true freedom.  Even though many people think that they want freedom, and that they will be free when their circumstances of life line up with their picture of what they think they want, most people don’t actually want inner freedom.  Instead they want the external picture of what they think freedom is. I am not suggesting that you should not have preferences or desires and not move towards them.  I personally believe you should follow those impulses.  Instead I am simply pointing to the fact that freedom does not live inside of them.  Freedom lives inside of you.  How can you be in the worst, most undesirable situation and still recognize that you are free.  That’s true inner freedom.  What would that take?  What would it take to simply be yourself?  It takes only one ingredient.  That ingredient is trust.  Trust in yourself.

I’ve noticed an interesting dynamic over the years.  Despite the fact that many people think that they want to be free, sovereign and realized in their power, in actuality most people really don’t.  They want someone to tell them what to do because they feel so lost and uncertain inside.  They want someone else to direct the ship, to support them, to take care of them, to provide certainty for them so that they don’t have to decide for themselves. They want an authority figure so they can just rest already because they are so tired of being scared and lost.   So much so that they are willing to give their free will up and over for it.   What lays underneath it all is that ultimately people don’t want to be wrong, alone, unloved or unsupported.  These are our greatest fears, and because we are unwilling to face their potential and see through them, we live in the dark and lack trust.  While in the dark we grip to anything that we can, anything that seems to maybe know, because we feel we do not.  Self-doubt is the story we hold dear and remain steadfastly devoted to our conviction in our powerlessness.  To wake up from this all, to stop blindly giving over your free will, you must directly plunge into what you fear most so that you can experiential develop the trust that comes through doing so.  This is not something that will just automatically occur.  You must take an active role in this process to wake up to the truth that there is nothing to fear.  That fear is only a perception, a story and that you can find your way through it to the other side.  

Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

Grounding into Love

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Grounding into Love 

Finding presence

37167614 - green leaves in heart shapeGrounding is a term that is used by many people in spiritual growth communities.  Often the idea is to feel one’s feet or to have the sense of more fully being in one’s body.  Due to the fact that most people spend a great deal of time in their heads being absorbed in their thoughts this idea of grounding is useful as a strategy to be more present or embodied.  

All of this begs the question as to what exactly is it that we are grounding into when we ground?  Most people will tend to create the sensation/felt experience of grounding into the earth or into their physical body.  They may go sit by a tree, lay on the grass or go for a hike to support the creation of this experience for themselves.  This time-out of sorts can help us decrease our focus on our thoughts and bring us more in touch with our sensorially body experience.  This frequently creates a temporary sense of ease, calmness and steadiness that we associate as being grounded.  When we give ourselves the space and environment to permission ourselves to unwind from our thoughts we naturally become more present.  Presence is what people are ultimately striving to achieve through this practice of grounding themselves.  Most all of us hunger to feel alive in the moment and not bogged down by thoughts about the past or the future.  To be presence is to be responsive, attuned and in the magical, effortless flow of life.  Thought or the process of thinking is the primary distractor of presence.  

Although presence is the true goal of grounding, sometimes people confuse grounding as the need to become more physical. Grounding truly has nothing to do with becoming more physical, or becoming “more your body”, or even having your awareness be located only inside your body.  To attempt to become more physical is to merge yourself further with the appearance of your body.  This may lead to a different sensorial-feeling experience, but does not necessarily lead to greater presence.  

You are the awareness having an experience of grounding rather than being the one that becomes more grounded.  Said another way, you are the one that knows grounded-ness or presence rather than the one that becomes grounded or present.  Grounding at its best is used for this purpose of turning your focus back onto yourself or onto awareness having the experience of having a body rather than focusing on trying to feel more of your body from the perspective of being inside of the body.    

Creator & Creation

Resting into Awareness

Illustration of spiral arrangement in nature. Fibonacci patternAwareness is all pervasive and non-local, meaning it is everywhere and inside of every“thing”.  For that all pervasive, non-local awareness to be aware of all aspects of creation, inclusive of your body, would be the definition of a fully conscious or enlightened creation, meaning a creation that knew itself as not independent or separate from the creator (which is awareness).  To be rested in and eventually as the creator is the ultimate ground, what some call the ground of being.

This brings us back to that initial question of what is it that we are grounding into when we ground ourselves?  Clearly it is not our body or the earth or really any thing whatsoever as that would be grounding into a changing, unstable appearance which would not feel very restful once that thing decides to change.  If we are attempting to ground into an appearance (our body, a tree, the earth) we will never feel or know true stability and we will find ourselves continually needing to “ground” because our ground keeps changing.  I would call this the illusion of grounding rather than true grounding.  Understand that many attempt to do grounding in this way.

What we are actually grounding into when we truly ground is our own very nature as awareness/creator rather than some aspect of creation.  Sometimes when the word creator is used we think of a person.  Our minds create this idea of a separate person that is creating, but the ultimate creator is not an individual person.  It is just intelligent, infinite awareness.  Intelligent, infinite awareness creates all of creation, which includes universes, dimensions, densities, suns, galaxies and every single being and form.  Some people call this intelligent, infinite awareness by the name God, Source or Love.   

As we ground by turning our focus towards awareness rather than into or on appearances all appearances simultaneously get illuminated as awareness.  The duality between form and formless, creator and creation dissolves.  One is not more or less important then the other because there is just one.  You can not get any more intimate then creator and creation as they are the same.  The creator expressing and making itself visible as creation.  You’ve always been looking right at the creator, right at infinite intelligence and yet you have only seen your labels and definitions of forms. 

For many this awareness of awareness or awareness of infinite intelligence is veiled and thus appearances are what seem to be the only true reality.  Whenever this is the case we will always think that we have to ground more into the physical aspects of reality in order to be more present and impactful.  The recognition that the physical and nonphysical are one in the same and that formlessness (the creator) comes alive through form (creation) is to be in direct realization of what makes all come alive.  It is here that we find ourselves rested in and as the ground of love.  It is here that we are most present to ourselves and can have the most impact, symbiosis and harmony with all forms of creation.  

Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

Appearances

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Appearances 

Seeing the surface

Enchanted mirrorEverything that we see, feel, touch or somehow sense is an appearance.  The world of appearances can be equated with the physical world that we see including our physical bodies.  Most of our daily attention and focus is on these appearances.  Appearances come and go.  That is their nature.  None of them are permanent, hence the seeming impermanence to this thing that we call life.  Despite this quality of impermanence and constant mutability most have come to believe appearances to be the most real, physical, and solid thing that exists.  It is with this seeming realness or physicality that we’ve created our baseline for what we think is, what we focus on and what we believe to be important and valuable.

With so much of our attention focused on appearances very little attention is brought to what is underneath or deep to appearances.  When our sense of stability and knowingness of what is, is fused with the appearance of things then when appearances change (which they always do) so does our sense of knowing what is.  If people are completely fused with appearances then when appearances change they will call it a crisis and the typical response they feel/experience is fear.  If people have some recognition beyond appearances then they will sense the subtle undertones of what is going on past what simply appears to be going on and will see/feel opportunity rather than fear.  If people are completely unfused with appearances then when appearances changes they will be completely undisturbed because their sense of knowing what is has not been affected in any way.  

It is good to take an inventory to see how fused you are with appearances because when you are fused with appearances you are unable to see what is actually there.  One way to easily assess this for yourself is to see where you feel an emotional charge about something that is occurring.  Emotional charge is an indication that there is some fusion with the appearance of what is.  That emotional charge and be positive or negative, meaning it can be either excitement, eagerness or anger, frustration towards something that is occurring.  Either way that charge will focus your awareness on the appearance of the experience that is occurring rather than the essence or unchangeable nature that is deep to all appearances and experiences.   

Diving beneath the  surface

Neutrality and unchangeability

Woman in a white dress under water.Your capacity to be unaffected, undisturbed or unshaken by what is occurring is a measure of how you are able to fully focus your awareness on the unchangeable aspect of your nature.  It is your ability to focus your attention in such a way that you go deep to appearance and feel the stability of yourself that never changes, never moves, and is always present.  When you are rested here, in the core of your being, every single thing in your appearance based world (including people, relationships, financial resources, jobs, state of your physical body or health, self-image, reputation, etc.) can all fall away or change dramatically and yet you remain in a rested state of never ending well-being.  This well-being is neutral, meaning without charge, yet the experience of it is safe, well, blissful, and abundant no matter what appearances are or aren’t in your experience.

This neutrality to those that have not experienced the well-being that comes along with it may seem boring or dull.  Some people will prefer the drama and chemical responses to charge over neutrality as the derive a sense of identity within experiencing life in that way.   To not be swayed and influenced by the ups and downs (typically what we call stress) of the appearance based world may feel like an “un-human” life, yet what are we if not evolving into the next version of new species on this planet that includes and transcends being human?  What does it take to bring that consciousness here?  It requires us to perceive and be anew.  To emit the frequency of well-being rather than be pulled out of our center each time we experience a new set of appearances.   

There are times when you being rested as the stable source that you are, that you must pick a bias.  Where you seemingly pick a side, preference or position on something in the world of appearances.  You may find yourself needing to express an underrepresented perspective to a group of people or find it of service to take a particular set of opinions and behaviors.  People who have not yet realized themselves will often confuse you as the ideas you are representing because again people tend to focus on appearances rather than essence.  Other people’s perception of you is simply them judging their own projection of you until they reach the point in their capacity to focus their awareness beyond appearances and know their own stability.  When they reach that point than all they will see is your essence and everything that they previously painted on top of you simply vanishes as a focal point.  It is for those that have found their own stability that the taking on of biases and preferences is simply in service to helping others realize that same source inside themselves.  

Being unswayed and stably present is one of, if not the biggest gift, that you can be and share with others that don’t know it yet.  Being that source of brilliantly bright stable safety allows everyone and everything around you to relax and rest.  You are not their source of stability, but rather you mirror their own stability to them so that they can experience it. 

Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

Self-trust

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Self-trust 

What we know & that we know

Water Lily, Radiant Orange Lotus with Rays of LightHow much permission do you give yourself to listen to yourself, and even beyond that to know that you know even if you don’t know what you know?  How frequently do you find yourself looking to something or someone to affirm you or tell you what to do?  We are taught from a very young age to look towards others to tell us what do and what is acceptable, right or ok.  Many of us have experienced punishment from having “done the wrong thing” or “behaving the wrong way”, which has reinforced the idea inside of our heads that we don’t know.  This is the birth of self-doubt and the questioning that we can know for ourselves.

What we know and that we know are two very different things.  People can know many different things than us.  For example someone may be very proficient in physics or human dynamics, where another might know about culture and religion.  These are all areas of study or experiences which inform us in worldly ways.  Unfortunately what we know is often the basis for how we perceive our value and worth.  Our culture has placed a lot of value on what we know rather than our capacity to simply know that we know.  If people appear to know a lot of information or have some special skill set we see them as more “knowing” than us and with this we have a tendency to view ourselves as less than in some way.  This is the root of the unworthiness that so many of us have felt and experienced.  

There is a difference between being able to receive the gifts of someone’s knowing versus giving our power over to them.  To receive another’s gifts with appreciation of their sharing rather than as the knower or decider for us (or others) is healthy receiving as we don’t see ourselves as less than in the dynamic.  However when we see others as better than us or we perceive them to know more about ourselves then we can know because we are riddled with self-doubt, then we are giving our power to them.  They may or may not want to be in that role of having your power, but nonetheless you’ve given your knowing that you know over to the perception of what another knows.  This is a recipe for disaster and a life of feeling unnecessarily bad about yourself.   

Self-denial 

Refusing to see your own self

The woman covers her face with a knitted hat and turns awayWhen we don’t trust ourselves it is very hard to relax and be present with others.  We are always running scripts inside our heads, overanalyzing our behaviors, actions and what we said or didn’t say, and we feel confused a lot.  Confusion is natural as it is part of growth, however anguish is not.  Self-doubt often leads to slow forward movement in life.  Not being able to decide and constantly feeling like you don’t know for yourself.  There are always rhythms of more clarity and production and then feeling less clear and productive, but to continue the story that you don’t know for you is the worst kind of self-punishment there is.  

There isn’t anyone that knows better for you than you.  That can feel a bit overwhelming or scary at first for some people as it means that you are now accountable and responsible for yourself fully.  It also means that you can’t use the excuse anymore that you don’t know.  Saying that you don’t know is form of self-denial.  Clearly there will always be things that you don’t know and you will always be learning in those more worldly ways if you so choose.  Ultimately the what of what occurs or happens in life, meaning how situations, circumstances or relationships turn out, is always deeply trenched in mystery which only reveals itself in the moment it is experienced, but the knowing that you know never changes, never goes anywhere unless you allow it too.  Unless you refuse to see or acknowledge yourself.  It is from knowing that you know all life is birthed and all experience had.  It is not so important what happens, which ironically is what we tend to put all of our focus on, but only that we know that we know.

What would it be like if you shifted your focus off of the known and onto the one that knows the known?  Trust would be inherent.  There would be nothing to doubt as experience would be arriving in the moment as you were present to it.  You wouldn’t have to try and navigate all the unknowns that your mind conjures up or get stuck in your head trying figure it all out.  

Self-trust is not about knowing what is going to happen.  It is not about controlling any kind of outcome.  It is not about protecting yourself.  It is about boldly being fully open and rested in your own knowing, in that you know, and not what you know.  End of story.  This ends self-doubt.  This ends self-torment.  Freedom to just be you arrives.  Undefended.  Nothing to protect, fear or hide.  It is in this way that you can truly receive others without feeling less about yourself.  It is a meeting of knower to knower, creator to creator, god/goddess to god/goddess.  

Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal  Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

Lover & Loved

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Lover & Loved 

Lack and Abundance

Love Rose ConceptMost all of us have a hunger to be loved.  Some people seek for love through affection and relationships, and others through accomplishment, success and acknowledgment.  The largest wounding we have as humans is the feeling of being unlovable or like we are somehow not enough.  We are constantly trying to prove our enoughness to ourselves through external validation that can come either directly from another person, or indirectly through following all of the societal and cultural checkboxes and expectations for what it is to be a good and acceptable person.  

Your hunger to be loved might be hidden from your awareness.  Sometimes we are not fully aware of what is underneath all of the things we do or the ways we show up as we just assume it is just who we are.  However, upon deeper investigation we can often find that who we think we are and the things we think we want really come from a place of unlovability rather than true authentic desire.  So how do we discern if what motivates our desires is coming from lack (meaning trying to prove ourselves) or from abundance (a pure sharing, expressing and being of ourselves)?  It’s really quite easy, simply ask yourself if you are wanting something out of it.  Any time that we want something out of something that we are doing, rather than to purely give to what we are doing, we are coming from a place of lack.  Lack is always connected to not enoughness; not enoughness of self, not enoughness of resources, not enoughness of energy or opportunities.  No matter what the not enoughness is doesn’t really matter, it is all birthed from the same level of consciousness and is therefore the same.

You can equate lack to a state of unlovability, or a state of being that doesn’t know what it is.  When we don’t know what we are, meaning when we are not rested as love, then we will always feel some underlying hunger towards finding or getting it, because it seems to be missing.  This hunger towards finding or getting love is innate to us because in truth love is our natural state of being.  When we lose touch with love/ourselves (or perhaps have never known it) it is only natural that we will seek for it.  That seeking is often sought at first as something outside of us (relationships or accomplishments) and with greater experience, discovery (and disappointment), alas we being to look for that very love inside of us.   

Lover & Loved Become One 

The One who Loves the Loved 

17540280 - atomic love concept illustration design over a white backgroundWhen our outward search becomes less and less fulfilling and we realize the temporariness or inconsistency of love from “out there” which is dependent on people or circumstances doesn’t equal being rested as Love within ourselves, a new path must be sought.  While receiving love and allowing ourselves to feel the love that we are which comes through the  mirroring of things or other people is an important step, it is not the final destination. It’s not the final destination because when those people or things go away then our source of love/lovability goes away as well.  We find ourselves back at square one not knowing what we are again as our source/reflection of love has gone away.  We see this when relationships end or life circumstances change that disrupt our sense of self dramatically.  We feel a sense of deep loss of self, aimless and not knowing who we are anymore because who we thought we were was entirely wrapped up in those external situations and relationships.  

The only way to sustainably know yourself, to be centered and always connected to yourself is not only through being loved and feeling loved; you must also realize yourself as the Lover.  Not just lover to others, but lover to your own loved self.  The source from which love is created and flows.  The one who loves the loved.  Lover and loved are one.  They are complementary pairs, which are always united, one does not exist without the other.  To find that ultimate unity which we all crave, which is underneath all of our desires, which is the blueprint impulse of all of creation, can only be found in this pair of lover and loved, and reconnection with ourselves as both in one.  

Disconnection from ourselves as Lover is why we feel so powerless, lost, and don’t know who we are.  We keep thinking that Lover is found in people, things or in some aspect of creation, but it is not.  Instead it is the source of all of creation.  Looking outward to creation for the source of creation will never result in the creator being found.  It must be found inside of you.  Loved does not exist without Lover.  We have been confused in knowing ourselves only as loved, only as expressions of creation and not as the source of it.  You are the generator, the knower, the creator, the lover, not merely the expressions of such.  When you see this truth and finally recognize yourself you will never again feel like you are unlovable because you will know that you are the lover, the generator of the loved, and thus so love is implied, inherent, and literally cannot be.

The Lover is not another object, thing or person.  It is you.  Its not the stuff or ideas that you call and identify as you, but the you that is the real you.  We have been in the dark as to our true nature as lover.  We have not been able to see how we can love this expression of love that we call ourselves due to this darkness.  We are not victim to the darkness.  We must simply turn our seeking direction around and stop looking out into creation for what which we seek.  Instead we must become silent and turn our seeking inside, towards us, a direction we may have never looked before, and simply ask that the truth of ourselves be revealed to us.  We must put on our big boy and girl pants and become accountable, disciplined and devoted to knowing ourselves as the Lover.  Your full devotion to knowing yourself will reveal yourself to you.  Nothing else will.  Lover and loved reunite, become one, and never fall out of love again.  

Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

Healing through being

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Healing through being 

What healing is & how it occurs

Old vintage oval mirror standing on wooden tableThe cultural belief is that one person must do something to another person often via some tool, technique or device, in order for the person to heal from what is seemingly ailing them.  Everything from our modern medical establishment to the plethora of healers with their healing modalities reinforces this belief.  There are ever so few people out there including healers, no matter how alternative they are in their thinking or methods, that really understand what healing is and how it occurs.  

Healing is 100% an inside job.  It is all about your perception and relationship to what is.  Tools, techniques, devices, healers, etc are all simply permission slips for the already whole state to be mirrored to you and accepted by you.  The reason why some methods or healers seem to be better or more effective than others is because the mode of presentation of the method or the person is more acceptable to you.  Meaning you feel some resonance with either the person/healer or the tool and therefore it is a better permission slip for you; you more easily accept that it will work for you and therefore it does.  This is why some things or healers appear to work for some people and not for others.  It is really never about the thing/healer, as the thing or person is inherently neutral.  Instead it is all about what lands for you and gives you a sense of an inner “yes”.  You must follow that inner yes as it will guide you to those things which will work best for you and which your being is most receptive too.  Until you are fully rested in the knowingness of your wholeness having mirrors and permission slips is vitally important.  

It is my experience and understanding that the true role of the healer is not to “do” anything.  Instead the role is simply that of a mirror that reflects the true, whole essence.  Call that reflection love if you will.  A healer simply reflects love so that when you are in the presence of such healer you see your true self, which is love.  Love is perfection, completion, and wholeness so therefore when you see yourself as this everything in your seeming external environment (including your body) becomes that.  Everything follows your perception.  When your perception sees love, knows love, then everything becomes love.   Seeing through the lens of love or wholeness is what healing is and how it occurs.   

Healing through being 

True health is a state of well-being

Attractive young woman in white meditating at lake.Due to the fact that we are largely focused on doing, rather than being, our focus is almost perpetually on what is being done rather than the state of presence or being itself.  If enough has been done, changed or accomplished than we feel successful.  We almost never gauge our success on how well we “be-ed” today.  This is also true when we look at our own healing.  We tend to focus on what has physically changed as a measure of success, meaning did the symptoms go away.  Symptoms going away actually has relatively little to do with healing.  A person can be symptom free and not be healthy.  A person can have multiple symptoms but be in a state of pure presence, love and grace (state of being rather than doing).   To be healthy is to be in a state of well-being.  The mere presence or absence of symptoms is a crappy indicator of a state of health despite what we have been brainwashed to believe.

When I am working with someone no matter what tool, form or technique that I am using, my focus is not on what is being done, but instead on the nature of existence or awareness.  It is a focus on beingness and the perfected acceptance of all that is, including you.  When that reflection of perfection is received by you the effects of that are frequently that something seems to have changed or been done.  This can be noticed by changes in your physical form, such as how a place in your body is opening or shifting, or some movement of energy, but a change in the physical is not a requirement for healing to occur.  You can still have symptoms, but be in a state of pure, perfected, bliss and oneness, where the presence or absence of symptoms doesn’t even touch you because you are so rested in perfected love.

It is when we develop resistance to what is that our state of being (aka health) declines.  Resistance is the state of being that equals ill health.  Just how many people are fighting or trying to change the appearance of what is, thinking that the harder they fight and the more seemingly unflawed the appearance (aka body), the more healed they will become?  I’d say just about pretty much everyone thinks this way.  We resist because our mind tells us that we don’t like what is, or that what is is bad or wrong, or that it means something negative, but what if through acceptance of what is (rather than the fight to fix or conquer it) we found all the healing that we are seeking for so badly.  What if it has never been about what is done to you, but instead your relationship to what is, which by the way is 100% in your control.  What if your healing has been within your power all along.  I’m here to tell you confidently that is has, its just that the path has seemed a bit cloudy.  I’m here to help clear the clouds so that that which already is can be seen and accepted by you.  

Acceptance doesn’t mean that things don’t still occur or aren’t seemingly still done.  Things occur.  Movement happens. Appearances, including your body and symptoms, change.  Your life can be undergoing major transitions and transformations.  Its simply that your well-being isn’t dependent on what is occurring anymore.  You’ve transcended the need to control circumstances, again including your body, and you now allow and move with whatever arises within your experience, all the while learning and growing and being rested in knowing that all is perfectly well.

Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

Valuing authenticity

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Valuing authenticity 

Being unapologetically you

authetic manIn personal growth communities there is often an emphasis on authenticity.  It seems to be one of the popular themes in the spiritual and relational world.  Its fascinating that authenticity, or, simply being unapologetically ourselves, is something that we have to “work on”.  Working on being ourselves, who we naturally and innately are, seems kind of silly when you really think about it.  Yet this is where we are at in our development.  

So why are we fake? From where did all of our inauthenticity and pretending arise?  At some point on this human journey we learned that simply being who we are was either not enough, too much, or it wasn’t safe to be ourselves.  Through this learning we developed patterns of inauthenticity in order to feel safe, accepted and loved.  It’s basically that simple in a nutshell.  

What is it to feel safe, accepted and loved, and be yourself?  To say the things that are in your heart to say.  To act from and trust your intuitive knowing without having to rationally and logically justify yourself, and without doubting yourself.  To know that you are kind, good and loving and that your intention is not to do harm, but to be of benefit and simply share and express yourself naturally without effort or fear of rejection or hurting others.  Being authentically you isn’t a permission slip to be a douche bag and act in unkind and unloving ways, but that isn’t who you actually are anyways, now is it?  

To be authentic it is a requirement that we love and value ourselves.  Without this, valuing authenticity is an impossibility.  We have to know that our heart is pure and clean.  We must remove the doubt in our mind as to what our essential nature is.  This creates the solid ground from which we can feel safe and trust that it’s ok to relax, be present and naturally express as we feel so moved to do so.   

From fake to real 

Dismantling your masks

Woman breathing fresh air in winter on the beachDismantling our masks ultimately brings rest and freedom, however it can be quite uncomfortable at first.  At times it may even be hard to distinguish between what is a mask and what is you.  When you’ve worn some of these masks for such a long time you may actually think that the mask is who you are.  You may even be attached to or like some of your masks even though they are not really true to your most essential nature.  

How do you know a mask from you?  Masks always come with the a few key qualities.  One is that you have to maintain them, meaning you always have to show up in a particular way or you fear you might lose something.  That something is related to a sense of external security and/or approval of yourself by others.  This constant maintaining is often exhausting and overtime people begin to feel stressed or burnt out.  The stress and burnout is from maintaining something that you actually are not.  When you are yourself you are not stressed, you are simply in your natural expressive rhythm and flow.  

Another quality of a mask is that they create an underlying feeling of separation.  When you are wearing a mask or you are not being you, you feel separate from other people.  There is a you and them.  This can show up as feeling isolated from others or like you don’t belong.  Or there can be the need to prove yourself through rationalization, speaking “logically”, or competing subtlety or overtly with others.  It can feel like if someone else wins then you lose or vis versa and with this it can feel hard to be happy for others successes, or sometimes your own. 

With masks there is often a mismatch with what you are really feeling and what you tell the world that you are feeling.  Many people put on the “I am fine” mask everyday and they may even believe it themselves, but you can palpably feel when someone is wearing this mask and they are not congruent in what they feel like and what they say they feel like.  

The crucial point in moving from fake to real is in identifying your masks and slowly laying them to rest.  It takes courage and the willingness to feel vulnerable and uncomfortable at first.  With time your comfortable level with relaxing and being yourself will increase and before you know it you will be ok with just being you.  That is the ultimate embrace of self-love.  

Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

Embracing death

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Embracing death

Inviting the natural rhythms of dissolution

Attractive lady sitting on the swing above the calm lakeDeath is one of those topics that most people avoid discussing.  We don’t like thinking about it , acknowledging it and definitely not welcoming it, especially when we feel not ready for the timing of it.  There is often awkwardness, deep sadness, confusion, sometimes guilt and feelings of loss.  There appears to be this vacancy and longing for what was and a feeling of disconnection from it.  This is often one of the hardest states for us humans to accept.  

When I speak of death here I speak beyond just physical death of the body, though that is included.  We experience “deaths” all of the time.  Often we don’t term them death but instead we say we “lost our job”, “our business failed”, or our “relationship ended”.  Other deaths can be significant changes in our lifestyle, graduating from school, moving, changes in financial situations, or even how our body functions, sickness, and aging.  All of these things are deaths in their own right.  

Because the primary relationship that people have with death is loss, hurt and pain we tend to resist death rather than invite and embrace it.  We can even put on the face that we are accepting of it, but underneath the surface we hate it, again especially when we aren’t ready for it.  Our unreadiness for what life brings us sometimes can feel unjust, like a loss of our power, helplessness and even downright mean.  Sometimes we go into blaming the Universe, or God, or ourselves because our minds simply can’t make sense of it.  

Even though death is as natural a transition as birth it is riddled in the type of mystery that the mind hates.  Often rather than being able to envision the exciting future of light and unknown exploration, like we do when see a newborn child, everything seems dark and the unknown exploration feels dreary and scary.  

Beyond fearing death 

Learning presence within formlessness

24892985 - abstract background explosion of the blue starI like to think of all the personal deaths of things I’ve created and experienced while in a physical form as a preparation for the ultimate transition from this human form back into the formless.  If you think about it this is what all deaths are, a transition from form into formlessness.  We first call this chaos, then destruction, then dissolving, and eventually emptiness.  

This formless state is a fertile ground where all that is unresolved in us can be more readily accessed because distractions are at a minimal state.  Those places where our “shit still lives” or where those things that are interfering with us being a completely clear vessel of expressing our truest nature are more available.  We can see where we have been letting trivial shit get in the way, begin to feel more gratitude for the preciousness of each moment and recognize just how short our time is here in this body.  

Death is such a beautiful teacher in this way.  If we use it, it can spark us into action to be ourselves more, share ourselves more, give more of ourselves to others, and cherish each moment that we are.  When we let the sweetness of what was pierce us all the way through, feeling the immense amount of love that we have for what was, we become more ready to allow it to go at whatever rhythm it wants to go even if that rhythm is not our preference.  We surrender to what is and to the mystery that will reveal itself to us in its own timing.

From our mind’s limited and separative perspective it can seem that we are simply a pawn in this great orchestration. The individual cell does not have awareness of the entire organism that it is a part of but its function is pivotal to the functioning of the entire organism.  It can’t possibly know how to coordinate the entire organism, but it can do what it knows to do and not resist the functions of its blueprint even when it doesn’t know where its going.  In this way the harmonious cell is in a constant state of trust.  It must surrender into the larger will of that which it does not know or see, but which it innately knows its a part of, less disharmony arises.  To be harmonious is to not mind at all what happens.  This is the lesson that we are all learning.  

Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

Need for approval

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Need for approval 

Death of your uniqueness

White 3d human - green tickThe need to be approved of by others runs pervasive throughout our shared reality.  Being approved of relates to everything from fitting in with our families and friends, belonging to social groups, and feeling safe, significant and worthy.  Even those whom seem to pave their own path and not care what others think of them may have deeper or more subtle layers of being hijacked by their need for approval.  

The need to be approved of by others is birthed in relationship with “other”.  It may have been reflected to you when you were young that you “did something wrong” or that you need to act in such and such way in order to fit in.  You learned that approval from others is important if you want to fit in and “be loved”.  Somehow love, acceptance and self-worth got merged with approval.  This is what could be termed “conditional” love.  I will love you only if you act or are these certain ways.  This is manipulation, not love.

When the need to be approved of takes place at this young age we often lose connection to our uniqueness.  Call it your essence, direction, clarity, confidence, gifts, etc.  This is one of the reasons people often feel like they don’t know what their purpose is because to know it may mean that you become an outcast, no longer belong, aren’t safe and may not survive.  That is some pretty big stuff so no wonder we keep the mask up of “not knowing” or following our purpose.  It’s much physiologically safer to do so. 

One of the ways to see where you are still seeking approval over being your authentic self is noticing where you do things that you don’t really want to do in relationship with others because you feel like you “have to”.  Like its your duty or obligation to do so.  You will typically feel a heavy sensation in your body, tightness in the heart/chest, knots in your belly and it will feel like an impossibility to entertain the idea of not doing the “thing” as the repercussions would be too great.  Meaning it feels like there would be to much disruption, people would be too upset and so you justify “its just not worth it”.  With this you often build up resentment towards the  other(s) when really it is simply you that is not acting in alignment with yourself.  You often think you are doing the “right thing”, even being altruistic if you will, and that by you just sucking it  up it will make everyone else happy and feel good.  However you do so at the detriment of what feels good and right to you.  Over time you learn to trust yourself less and less, hate yourself more and more, and become increasingly disconnected from what’s truly important to you, even dismissing it entirely and convincing yourself that you don’t matter.  In these ways you have created more value on the need for approval from others than you have on your own self.  

self sacrificeThis breads massive amounts of lack of clarity and confidence in yourself.  Your value, worth and belonging is caught up in making sure that other people are happy with your actions.  Yuck.   Even just writing that sentence feels bad.  It feels bad because its so distorted and ultimately untrue, yet most of us are living this as reality which is deeply sad.  

The first thing to remember and know is that your worth is inherent.  Meaning whether or not others approve of an action you take or decline to take, or even a perspective or lens you view the world with, it means absolutely nothing about you, your worth, your value or significance.  Also remember that if you don’t want to do something that someone else wants you to do it does not make you a bad person, friend, spouse, lover, mother, daughter, brother, etc. It simply means you prefer something else even if that something else is seen as selfish or unloving by others.  This can be one of the hardest things to swallow because for most of us being viewed as selfish or unloving by others tends to make us feel bad about ourselves.  The thing is that you must commit to your own knowingness, listen to your own desires and when you do this it is never selfish or unloving, but indeed the opposite.  It is permissioning you to simply be your-self.  It is deeply caring for yourself and honoring that which you are here to do and express.

Lastly if you find yourself not taking a certain action that you do want to take or perhaps not creating something because you fear others opinion of you, realize this to is seeking approval from others.  You may feel small, like “you don’t know enough” or “who are you to do xyz”, and find yourself comparing yourself to another who seems to know more.  You fear how they might judge what you create or do so you do nothing because your fear of judgment or lack of approval is too great.  If you find yourself doing this explore what it’s like to simply free yourself from needing their approval of you and what you want to do or create.  In fact see if you can free yourself from needing anyone’s approval of you.  This includes approval from your parents, kids, teachers, friends, colleagues, mentors, etc.  You don’t need their approval.  When you get this you also start to get self-love and unconditional love.  You no longer insist that others do things in specific ways either and free them to follow their truest impulse of what feels good to them.  

Rather then making sure you are loved/approved by others you move towards making sure you are loving and approving of yourself.  That you are taking actions in alignment with yourself.  You realize more and more that you really don’t need love or approval from anyone because you are bubbling over in love and approval (acceptance) of yourself.  This is completely liberating.  Its beyond manipulation and conditions.  Its free.  This is the true nature of love and of you.  This is the alignment of you as love.  

Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado