Giving Everything Back to Source

Giving Everything Back to Source 

Tendency to hold on

Studio shot of worried and upset caucasian woman holding hands in pray near chin, squeezing it tight and begging for something, smiling nervously and standing with closed eyes over gray backgroundAs human beings we tend to hold onto everything.  This perpetual holding on gives us a sense of security and like we can somehow manipulate our external reality if we just hold on a little bit tighter.  Holding on is our attempt to control the spontaneous, unpredictability of life so that we are not caught too far off our guard where we perceive that things might get or go “bad”.  This holding onto life keeps our life looking a particular way and provides us with the illusionary experience of consistency and sameness.  While a part of us feels better when this illusionary experience of life appears to be intact, another part of us feels stifled and like it can’t breathe inside of delusion we are perpetuating.  

We not only hold onto material things like homes, jobs, relationships and such, we also hold onto thoughts.  In fact we are almost never entirely without a thought.  For many people to open into the spacious, emptiness beyond thought is terrifying.  I believe that most have never done it for much longer than a second or two, if even that, which means that we are always holding onto something.  Why the terror to let go you may ask?  Perhaps we fear that this world that we live in now, with all the things that we know, will disappear.  Perhaps the tastes we’ve had of freedom have felt “too free” and we prefer some constraint and limitation over our freedom.  Maybe we’ve created the story that we don’t know how to let go, or maybe we don’t even know that we are holding life in the grips of our own mind.  

Regardless of our reasoning or our lack of awareness into ourselves as to our patterns of holding the result of holding is the same.  Holding on always creates some level of tension in our body-mind.  That tension then becomes the filter with which we interpret and experience everything and with which we come to believe what is.  Tension patterns also create disconnection from source or from the larger organizing principle of creation.  This is the inherent function of tension patterns, to be self-protective of this individuated body-mind organism that we call ourselves, and yet simultaneous with this comes reinforcement of the illusion of perceiving yourself as separate from the rest of creation.   

Reconnecting with Source 

Its easier than your mind thinks

Happy girl jumpingRe-establishing connection to source is always easier than our mind thinks that it is.  It is the job of our mind to make things way more complicated than they are in actuality.  People’s minds like to talk about how they have to do this or that, change this or that, or how they just have to surrender and let go already.  Yet for most this simply stays in their mind as another thought or idea that takes up space inside of the infinite spaciousness of ourselves.  I find if people are talking about their need to surrender and let go they are quite far from actually doing it.  Why does letting go or surrendering stay in the mind rather than become our direct experience?   It is because ultimately we don’t really want to let go of what we say we want to let go of.  We prefer our uncomfortable (or unnoticeable for some that have less awareness of themselves) tension patterns and delusional stories of reality over ease and truth because more than anything else we fear what we might lose.  

So fear of loss runs the show of our lives until we boldly and courageously decide to no longer let it.  Not until we are willing to lose everything can we truly experience surrender.  Few people arrive here without exhausting every other possible route first.  We quite literally exhaust ourselves into the truth.  Our beliefs in scarcity, lack, and wrongness, that we won’t have enough, be enough, achieve the right things, things won’t last or turn out, that we’ve failed, will be alone,  etc… triumphs.  

How do we walk this path towards surrender step by step?  I have found that to give everything back to source is the quickest route.  This means making the commitment to first tune into yourself and develop awareness of your patterns of tension and disconnection.  As tension patterns arise at the body level immediately release them.  Don’t try to figure them out or process them at length, simply just drop the tension.  Rather than continue to hold on to it, let it go, just like that.  You will notice instantly more ease and breath in your body.  You will also begin to realize just how powerful you are and how you are the creator of your own tension patterns.  Second is the willingness to let go of your thoughts as they arise.  This will take consistent practice for most.  If you get fixated on a thought recognize the fixation and then let the thought go.  This is important particularly for thoughts that really grab you and bring you into a less resourced and often fearful state.  

As you do this more and more you will be developing your skill set in giving back to source rather than taking from or holding on as if nothing else will ever come your way.  Whenever we give back we are instantaneously rewarded with more energy and aliveness.  What we hold onto we maintain.  At best our energy state stays neutral which means life looks the same and feels mundane most of the time.  However what we give back to life, to source, frees us up and thus we become available to exponentially greater and greater states of energy.  This also means that we almost never know what will happen.  We are in the moment of ever present aliveness, trust, and knowingness in the perfection of it all.  This is what at our heart of hearts we all desire and seek no matter how much our minds want to interfere.  

Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

Soul Alignment

Soul Alignment 

Connecting to the sound of you

Licht Transformation Blau WeißWhat does it mean to align to your soul?  We all have a purpose or calling as to why we are here.  There is an intention and a desire to express this intention into manifestation that guides our life behind the scenes so to speak.  Some people refer to this as a blueprint, which is a map of sorts that we follow consciously or unconsciously.  It is what brings particular people and experiences to us, it’s responsible for the perspectives and views we have about life, and it lays the foundation for our beliefs, all so that we can learn/express a particular theme which we came here to play out.  

Many people are not aware of their blueprint or what they came here to learn and share.  It’s as if a cloud came over our knowing and blocked the ray of sunlight of awareness of our soul.  Thus we experience this subtle, or not so subtle for some, feeling of disconnection and confusion nearly continuously.  We have become so accustomed to feeling this way that we’ve normalized disconnection and come to seek stability, safety and comfort in this external world rather than seek an inner knowing of ourselves.  

In order to hear the sound of your soul the desire must arise inside of you to know yourself.  The clouds that lay over your knowing are thick making it appear as if they are solid, impenetrable structures from which nothing can see through.  The only impulse that can pierce those seemingly solid clouds is your intensely committed and focused energy to know what is on the other side of them.  It is through the intensity of your commitment and focus to know yourself that you make contact with your soul and see your blueprint, your purpose and calling for being incarnated as who you are now.  

Aligning with and hearing your soul requires your complete devotion to that single focus above all else.  That means above what you sometimes think is supposed to happen or want to happen.  It requires full detachment from the physical person-centric life as a source of comfort and a resting into nonphysical aspects of yourself.  Your commitment to your purpose for incarnation and what you are here to learn/express must be prioritized more than any material or relational comfort you find yourself attached to.  It must become your default reference point so that in each and every moment your every thought and action comes from being rested in your soul.  It is from here that true clarity, connection and knowingness arises, which is an inherent effect of you knowing yourself.   

Becoming your calling 

Your calling made manifest

JourneyKnowing your calling requires that you hear the call.  What called you here?  Was it the sound of millions or even billions of people asking for help and seeking clarity and connection despite feeling lost and separate?  For many of us here at this time it is this very thing that called us into incarnation.  We came to shine light, express love and assist people in reconnecting and remembering themselves.  This calling that we have all answered, that has brought us here in this very moment, has also allowed us to bring our perspectives, our energetic templates and ways of seeing and knowing here with us.  The perspectives that we carry may not be novel to us, but they are novel for many people on this planet.  Novel perspectives (plus our inherent energetic constitutions) allow for different seeing, which brings with it new possibilities for creation on this planet.  

Most of our callings are simple.  To be who we are and share how we see is what creates an impact, yet many of us get lost when we come here to this planet.  We forget ourselves by getting consumed with the perspectives of our immediate environment which narrow and shut down our forgetting even further.  Our focus gets wrapped up in what the collective values and because we’ve lost sight of ourselves we follow the collective unconscious/asleep crowd.  We devalue our knowings and our perspectives until we no longer even remember them.  This is how we forget and how we stop hearing the call that brought us here in the first place.

The good news is that you are your calling.  There isn’t any special thing that you need to do or add to yourself.  You had everything you needed to complete your calling before you were even born.  That should feel relieving.  You already know and have all the resources that you need to be yourself even if you have forgotten why you are here.  However to feel the fulfillment that comes with living your calling it is helpful to learn to connect to and remember it.  If you don’t you may feel like you are drifting rather than feeling that deliberate, intentional, purpose driven life.  

The truth is you are always in alignment, you are always in some way answering the call that called you here, because just by your very being you cannot not be.  Yet your experience may not always feel like it is aligned to you.  This is important.  This is the way that you are directing and guiding your own self.  You must listen to when you feel out of alignment and follow whatever impulse or intuition you must to feel in alignment again, because this is where deep fulfillment lives.  When you feel fulfilled and aligned you perceive a universe that is abundant and perfect.  Don’t forget that your perspective is what creates the universe you experience and thus reality.  This is the very reality that you came here to help the collective you see differently.  So by bringing yourself into right relationship and perspective within yourself you answer your calling.  This is the difference between consciously being your calling rather than unconsciously being it.  You have a responsibility to yourself to hear the call and align yourself fully with the call, so that you are consciously creating this thing called life and bringing into manifestation the world you truly desire.

Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

Lover & Loved

Lover & Loved 

Lack and Abundance

Love Rose ConceptMost all of us have a hunger to be loved.  Some people seek for love through affection and relationships, and others through accomplishment, success and acknowledgment.  The largest wounding we have as humans is the feeling of being unlovable or like we are somehow not enough.  We are constantly trying to prove our enoughness to ourselves through external validation that can come either directly from another person, or indirectly through following all of the societal and cultural checkboxes and expectations for what it is to be a good and acceptable person.  

Your hunger to be loved might be hidden from your awareness.  Sometimes we are not fully aware of what is underneath all of the things we do or the ways we show up as we just assume it is just who we are.  However, upon deeper investigation we can often find that who we think we are and the things we think we want really come from a place of unlovability rather than true authentic desire.  So how do we discern if what motivates our desires is coming from lack (meaning trying to prove ourselves) or from abundance (a pure sharing, expressing and being of ourselves)?  It’s really quite easy, simply ask yourself if you are wanting something out of it.  Any time that we want something out of something that we are doing, rather than to purely give to what we are doing, we are coming from a place of lack.  Lack is always connected to not enoughness; not enoughness of self, not enoughness of resources, not enoughness of energy or opportunities.  No matter what the not enoughness is doesn’t really matter, it is all birthed from the same level of consciousness and is therefore the same.

You can equate lack to a state of unlovability, or a state of being that doesn’t know what it is.  When we don’t know what we are, meaning when we are not rested as love, then we will always feel some underlying hunger towards finding or getting it, because it seems to be missing.  This hunger towards finding or getting love is innate to us because in truth love is our natural state of being.  When we lose touch with love/ourselves (or perhaps have never known it) it is only natural that we will seek for it.  That seeking is often sought at first as something outside of us (relationships or accomplishments) and with greater experience, discovery (and disappointment), alas we being to look for that very love inside of us.   

Lover & Loved Become One 

The One who Loves the Loved 

17540280 - atomic love concept illustration design over a white backgroundWhen our outward search becomes less and less fulfilling and we realize the temporariness or inconsistency of love from “out there” which is dependent on people or circumstances doesn’t equal being rested as Love within ourselves, a new path must be sought.  While receiving love and allowing ourselves to feel the love that we are which comes through the  mirroring of things or other people is an important step, it is not the final destination. It’s not the final destination because when those people or things go away then our source of love/lovability goes away as well.  We find ourselves back at square one not knowing what we are again as our source/reflection of love has gone away.  We see this when relationships end or life circumstances change that disrupt our sense of self dramatically.  We feel a sense of deep loss of self, aimless and not knowing who we are anymore because who we thought we were was entirely wrapped up in those external situations and relationships.  

The only way to sustainably know yourself, to be centered and always connected to yourself is not only through being loved and feeling loved; you must also realize yourself as the Lover.  Not just lover to others, but lover to your own loved self.  The source from which love is created and flows.  The one who loves the loved.  Lover and loved are one.  They are complementary pairs, which are always united, one does not exist without the other.  To find that ultimate unity which we all crave, which is underneath all of our desires, which is the blueprint impulse of all of creation, can only be found in this pair of lover and loved, and reconnection with ourselves as both in one.  

Disconnection from ourselves as Lover is why we feel so powerless, lost, and don’t know who we are.  We keep thinking that Lover is found in people, things or in some aspect of creation, but it is not.  Instead it is the source of all of creation.  Looking outward to creation for the source of creation will never result in the creator being found.  It must be found inside of you.  Loved does not exist without Lover.  We have been confused in knowing ourselves only as loved, only as expressions of creation and not as the source of it.  You are the generator, the knower, the creator, the lover, not merely the expressions of such.  When you see this truth and finally recognize yourself you will never again feel like you are unlovable because you will know that you are the lover, the generator of the loved, and thus so love is implied, inherent, and literally cannot be.

The Lover is not another object, thing or person.  It is you.  Its not the stuff or ideas that you call and identify as you, but the you that is the real you.  We have been in the dark as to our true nature as lover.  We have not been able to see how we can love this expression of love that we call ourselves due to this darkness.  We are not victim to the darkness.  We must simply turn our seeking direction around and stop looking out into creation for what which we seek.  Instead we must become silent and turn our seeking inside, towards us, a direction we may have never looked before, and simply ask that the truth of ourselves be revealed to us.  We must put on our big boy and girl pants and become accountable, disciplined and devoted to knowing ourselves as the Lover.  Your full devotion to knowing yourself will reveal yourself to you.  Nothing else will.  Lover and loved reunite, become one, and never fall out of love again.  

Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

Being with physical pain

Being with physical pain 

Types of pain

There are four primary types of pain each having their own flavor of expression. Physical pain is the most obvious being that of the production of unpleasant sensations in the the body.  It often deeply activates our survival mechanisms and more primitive, reactive brain structures.  Emotional pain is experienced when our feelings get hurt or we feel unloved or unloveable.  This is less connected with our immediate survival and more with our sense of a personal self and inherent worthiness.  Mental pain is the experience we have when we’re trying to force or insist that life to be a particular way,  when we argue with what is and can’t see outside of a limited perspective.  This is often connected with who we are in the world, what we want to accomplish and how we are perceived by others.  Lastly spiritual pain is that which we feel when we tap into the collective at large and feel the suffering of a group or community.  Spiritual pain is the least personal of all the experiences of pain, but it tends to invoke a high desire towards service towards others when felt.

Though none of the pains that we experience are necessarily easy to be with I find that physical pain can sometimes be the most challenging for us. Our relationship with physical pain is such that we feel the threat to our survival through its expression.  Most of us have subtle, or not so subtle, beliefs in place that to allow ourselves to feel physical pain may ensue our demise. Even if our higher brain centers know this is not necessarily the case, the lower primitive survival structures take precedence and rule our reactions.  

Due to the perceived threat to our survival that physical pain activates inside of our psyche we have a higher tendency to protect or guard ourselves from this type of pain.  This creates a hyper-vigilance which activates our sympathetic (fight/flight) nervous system, creates massive amounts of tension and hijacks our awareness.  In this state of being our capacity to recognize that we are not the pain and that the pain does not control us is quite limited.  We feel consumed by it and have lost awareness of anything else.   

Mastering the primitive nervous system

Coming back into connection with yourself

separated by wallUltimately we must become the master of this primitive survival response of our nervous system so that we can learn to be present with physical pain rather than consumed by it.  When we guard against physical pain we wall off our awareness from  that particular location within our body.  Walling off awareness creates a sense of disconnection from that expression.  When we perceive disconnection we feel powerless because the expression is something other than us. When something seems other than us the mind perceives it to be an external problem and often goes into trying to figure out the solution to that problem. This is a rabbit hole without resolve. You will constantly be looking for and trying the next best magical cure.  

When instead you begin to create a connection with this aspect of your self that’s expressing as a painful sensation you begin to realize your power again.  You realize that you can be with this expression too. That you can even move into and towards it rather than away from it.  That you don’t have to protect yourself from it, but rather that you can experience it. 

It is through this and through realizing your power and thus your capacity to work with these sensations that you can come back into oneness with yourself and with that which was previously perceived to be other than you.  This is how all healing happens in every category of pain.  In this way you begin to master those primitive survival responses of your nervous system.  Rather than letting them run the show of your life you develop greater awareness of your self beyond them and with that new options for how you can engage with these painful sensations begins to open up.  With that you stop seeing pain as the enemy that’s overtaking you and you discover how you can work with whatever sensation arises.  In this working together communication happens.  Vital communication.  Communication that is required for all systems to function and work coherently towards a common vision, in this case a physical vehicle that moves with ease.  

All healing happens through connection and coming back into oneness with yourself.  When we forget our wholeness we appear to ourselves to be broken. From the perception of brokenness no healing arises, only further brokenness.  To join with what’s present (even physical pain), rather wall yourself off from it, creates balance, harmony and an optimal environment for you to thrive within. 

Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado