MOMENT TO MOMENT SURRENDER
What does it mean to live surrendered? We often speak of surrender as something we do in situations where we are relinquishing the outcome of anything happening in a particular way. For example we might find ourselves intensely desiring or holding onto a specific thing occurring or not occurring. We mentally regurgitate it over and over and create tension in our body as we attempt to control the unfolding of it with our mind. Often we will reach a point where we simply can’t try to control it any longer and we let go. This is what we refer to as surrender. We let the outcome be the outcome even if it is an undesirable outcome. Our attachment dissolves. We feel the release of trying to impose our will on the situation and we simply let it be. We’ve surrendered. Now we can just be and allow the movements of life to move about.
When there is a situation that feels big to us, it is easy to see how this process works. There is a build up of tension to the point where we simply can’t take it anymore and it seems that the only choice is to let go. But what about all of the space in between, the small tensions that arise in our day to day living that we just live with, that we’ve accommodated to tolerating as our baseline for existing? We often wonder why we don’t always feel flow, or why some days seem easy and others so challenging? It seems that our stable base of goodness comes and goes, and that it isn’t in our control. We don’t realize that what seems to interfere with our stable base of flow and ease is our tolerance for small little tensions that we hold onto without really knowing that we are. We may notice tension in our body, or that our breath doesn’t feel as full, or we may feel the clunkiness of the day or week, but it’s a mystery to us why we feel this way and why we can’t just get back to flow. We can get back to flow, but first we must realize what small little tensions we are tolerating in our life.
Recognizing what we are tolerating and holding onto requires subtlety. We must become more subtle and nuanced in paying attention to ourselves in an inquisitive way. Often this means slowing down for moments throughout our day so that we can pay attention. As soon as we notice effort, pushing, non-presence, or trying to just get through, we need to use this as a signal to ourselves to pause and inquire as to what we are feeling below the effort. Diving in and bringing to awareness or light whatever subtle thing(s) we are trying to manipulate, control or manage. Once you identity it, you can, just like that let it go.
Knowing what you are holding
The flow we desire is here now inside the same moment where we feel effort, strain or tension. By recognizing the subtle little tensions you hold and being willing to let go of them as you notice them, you come into moment to moment surrender. This is living surrendered. It doesn’t mean that you are passive to life, but rather that you allow life to be as it is in response to you. You take action on life in the ways you desire and then you allow life to give you the fruits of those actions in whatever ways it will. You detach from insisting that your desires should manifest in any particular way. If you do this you will experience the freedom that is always here, but which you simply are not attuned to when you are bound inside of your tensions.
You might wonder why you tolerate a bunch of little tensions throughout your day or why you indulge in being non-present. It’s this. We tend to think that all of the things we hold onto are important. Somehow we perceive that it’s vital that we hold on to say a certain perspective we have, a feeling we are feeling, or a thought that we are mulling over and over. There is some value we find in not letting go of whatever it is we are holding onto. Some of it is habit, meaning we are unconscious to what we are holding so we just hold it, but as soon as we are aware of what we are holding onto it is no longer a habit, but rather a choice. When we bring into awareness our tensions we make the them conscious. Once we are conscious we are in charge.
We may or may not like being in charge of ourselves. We may not want to have as much power over ourselves as we think we want. Regardless the power is yours. There is nothing you can do about the power that you are/have except give it away to circumstances, events, situations or other people, or claim it as your own. Either way it’s still yours. You are free to do whatever you’d like to do with your power. If you choose to claim it then you are able to let go of whatever you’d like to and also hold onto whatever you want to hold onto. It’s now what you are choosing rather than it seemingly being the random state of being that you are in. You now know why you feel effort or flow, and you realize that you can shift whenever you want to.
Each time you notice that you are not in the state of being that you desire, you can check in and discover what little tension is interfering and let it go if you want to experience flow again. It’s this commitment that creates a stability in your state of being because now you recognize that you can consciously choose your state. This is moment to moment surrender. It’s the giving away of what your mind thinks is so important and opening into what is instead. At our core we all want to be open into the presence of being and the aliveness of this moment. It’s where all the richness resides. We hold on because we somehow think that through holding onto whatever we are holding onto, that we will arrive in this richness because we will get what we want. Surrender allows us to receive what we truly want which is often beyond what our minds can perceive.
Dr. Amanda Love, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado