FEAR OF NOTHING HAPPENING

FEAR OF NOTHING HAPPENING 

Unrestful doing

Sometimes we frantically and unrestfully do.  We just do.  Do as much as we can while simultaneously attempting to not pay attention to the feeling that what we are trying to do, the impact we are trying to have, the change we are wanting to make, may in fact not be happening.  If we stop the incessant activity for even one second in order to pay attention to what is actually happening, we might recognize that the way we are approaching whatever it is we are doing, is not working.  Yikes, but then what?  If it’s not working we fear we won’t know how to make it work so we just keep doing what we know and hope that something magically happens or that no one (including ourselves) notices that nothing has in fact changed.

This underlying anxious feeling that nothing might happen perpetuates the doing and even intensifies it.  We get caught in a vicious cycle of feeling like we can’t stop or else something catastrophic may occur.  We might feel failure.  We might feel disappointment.  We might feel confusion.   We might feel powerless or at a loss.  So we just keep doing, and keep hoping that something will change, because feeling all of those other things feels like too much for us to handle.  Rather than feel all of those things, the doing keeps us numb and in denial of the situation at hand.  It keeps us from facing, accepting or being present with what is really occurring.  We choose to feel numb and disconnected rather than feel failure, confusion, loss and powerlessness because choosing numb and disconnected, while not exactly comfortable, is in someway easier.  

The question we often don’t want to face is, “what if nothing works?”  Other flavors of this question can be “what if I don’t know how” or “what if I can’t”.  We fear what will happen, what will remain or what will be, if what is can’t be changed.  What is seems unacceptable to us and this un-acceptance keeps us feeling powerless.  The experience of this can be paralyzing, while creating ceaseless thought loops that keep us internally restless and externally doing to keep us distracted from feeling.  The doing isn’t productive in its attempt to accomplish what it hopes will change. It is however productive in is capacity to keep us engaged so that we don’t have to pay attention to what’s not working and feel the feelings and potential threat that come with those feelings.  What if nothing changes, then what?  What will be lost?  What do we fear will happen if nothing happens or the change or impact we desire to see doesn’t reveal itself?  Threats to our survival, resources, reputation, how we view ourselves, our purpose, and what we think we want to have or do, can all be perceived to be at threat.   

STOP, RELAX, REPEAT 

Feeling is how you know

What happens if we stop the doing?  If in one swift moment we simply stop the activity, both inner and outer?  What remains is that we must feel the fear of nothing.  Of nothing changing, of nothing occurring, of not having the impact we hoped for.  We must feel what is, when what is, is not what we like.  That which feels unchanged and which we feel powerless to change.  When we end the running that we do with all of the activity, we are left with our fear of hopelessness and powerlessness to what is.  We absolutely must get to this point, because if we don’t we will keep avoiding without recognizing the power that we are to create change.

See the power for change, impact and “happening” seems to be outside of us we when are caught up in the fear of “nothing happening cycle”.  Unless we directly feel that loss of power, we don’t find the power inside of ourselves because we are too busy avoiding feeling powerless.  It seems like a paradox to the mind, and yet it is only through surrendering to what we are actually feeling and experiencing (in this case powerlessness), that the light can reveal itself to us.  That light being the light of your very own consciousness that recognizes itself and recognizes the power it’s been all along to change or create the impact that is desired.  We can’t see that light if we are busy avoiding what is.  We are clouded by the fear of all of the potential perceived threats we have about what isn’t happening and our restless strategies to avoid feeling.  

When just for a moment or two we stop the activity we open into the space of our own unknown.  If while inside this space we dare to relax for just another moment or two we can begin to feel again.  Perhaps we feel some uncomfortable feelings, and perhaps we simply just feel.  We un-numb ourselves and stop denying what is.  We cease resisting and alas feeling returns.  With feeling back online we become more present, more aware and innately know “what” to do rather than just doing stuff to avoid feeling.  We attune and listen.  We are led and follow.  We work with what’s there rather than resisting it and trying to change it into something else.  We drop in and towards.  This is how we create.  

Knowing what to do in order to create change or impact isn’t far away, it’s just masked underneath the fear that we don’t know what to do.  It’s masked underneath the feeling of powerlessness.  Again our power to know is masked underneath our fear that we don’t know, and we avoid feeling that we don’t know like we avoid the plaque.  That avoidance manifests itself as doing, as inner and outer incessant, restless activity.  In order to lift the mask we must first be present to our sense of powerlessness, accept it, and allow the recognition of our power, or our creator self, to reveal itself to us yet again.  Your power is right here even if you don’t know or see right now.  Nothing is out of your reach. You must only stop, relax and repeat.  Repeat often.  This will help you will feel again and feeling informs action.  Feeling is how we know and how we do from a connected, restful state of being.  

Dr. Amanda Love, Network Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

DARE TO RELAX

DARE TO RELAX 

Move beyond threat

It’s quire ironic that what we tend to want the most we literally have to dare ourselves to try.  Something that is as natural and ordinary as relaxation is often perceived as a threat by our own psyche.  If we let our guard down, rest and simply be then we often feel exposed, vulnerable and like nothing will get done or accomplished.  So rather than choose what we desire, which is a state of rested, relaxed openness, we choose tension and vigilance.  For most people this is their near constant state of being.  Even if they are “non-doing”, meditating or engaged in relaxing pursuits, most are not really relaxed inside of those activities.  In essence most people are super skill deficient at truly relaxing even if they give the appearance that they are.

If you relaxed, or said another way, were just being yourself, people would view you differently.  This is one of the top reasons why we don’t relax.  People, like our partners, kids, bosses, co-workers, friends, and family members develop expectations of us based on what they are used to experiencing with us.  When we change our ways, even if they are more natural ways to us, others may respond curiously or even negatively to you.  They might feel more distant from you or like they aren’t getting their needs met that they are used to getting met by you.  This tends to rock the boat, and because most people want to please or accommodate to other’s perceptions of them for their own safety and security needs, we don’t like to rock our boats.  We’d rather feel a low level of underlying internal tension and discomfort than threaten our relationships with others by being ourselves.  

If this all sounds a bit crazy, it’s because it is.  There isn’t a ton of rationality when it comes to human behavior despite the fact we like to think of ourselves as very rational beings.  We really aren’t.  We are highly emotional regardless of the overlay of functional, competent human.  We also tend to fear that if we relax we won’t get, create, or accomplish all of the things that we desire too.  If we relax then certain things might not happen; things we want to happen real, real badly.  We tend to believe that it’s all up to us and therefore we have to keep going, going, going on and we can’t relax for a moment less everything we want falls apart or doesn’t come into fruition.  We tend to think that how things turn out is up to us, when really the only thing that is up to us is how we show up to whatever it is we are excited to create.  If we really got that than we would never show up tense again.   

SURVIVAL TO SAFETY SENSATIONS 

You’re in the driver’s seat

Tension is a survival sensation while relaxation is a safety sensation.  Due to the fact that is doesn’t feel safe for us to relax because people might view us different, react differently to us, or we because we might not get, create or accomplish everything that we think we need or want to, we tend to have the experience of feeling a lot of survival sensations.  Survival sensations are tightness, constriction, heaviness, pressure, irritability, anxiousness, held or shallow breathing and general bodily uncomfortableness.  Often it’s hard to sleep, there is difficulty with digestion, and we feel tiredness or fatigue.  In contrast safety sensations occur when we are relaxed, or again said another way, just being ourselves.  Safety sensations are lightness, levity, flow, clear, awake, alert (but not vigilant), bright, ease, allowing, and rested.  We tend to sleep well, digest well and feel restfully energized throughout the day.  

We all know that we prefer to feel safety sensations over survival sensations, yet the pre-dominance for most remains in feeling survival sensations.  What does it take for us to make the shift?  First is the realization or recognition that survival and safety aren’t something that is outside of us.  What I mean is that it’s the inner information that determines what sensations we will experience, not the outer information.  This does take some level of reorganizing the inner information, but the good news is that you are the source of that information.  Through self-awareness and some inner investigation you can fairly easily uncover what information you are creating and informing yourself with, which is thus creating the sensations that you experience.  Through developing mastery in this way, of being fully responsible or in charge of your state of being, you take the reigns back on how you experience life.  Rather than life experience informing you, you inform life experience.

In order to make the survival to safety shift we also need to be fed up with being the victim of anything.  We can no longer believe that life happens to us, but rather must see that life happens through us, for us and for all.  This is a big leap yet it is the leap required in order to generate safety sensations and a sustainable state of rested, relaxed, present beingness of self.  If we choose to keep the perspective that something is wrong, that we were wronged, or that something might go wrong, then we will continue to generate survival sensations.  Not everyone is ready for this type of radical “re-perspectiving”, yet it will create inner, and I believe, eventual outer peace.  

It’s important here to remember to not make the victim perspective in you wrong or bad, but simply see it as it is, accept it, love it and develop/choose beyond it.  It is in the development beyond it that the rested-ness and safety sensations you desire live.  This is not out of reach for anyone.  It is the developmental progression.   In a way it is destined as the natural and organic advancement, and yet the choice is yours.  Your free will in the perspective you choose is yours, at least for now.  At some point all will merge into a larger collective consciousness until your state of being reaches full unification.  For now choose how you want to see and notice the power you have to effect your experience and the world.  

Dr. Amanda Love, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado