SUBTLE FEELINGS & SENSATIONS

SUBTLE FEELINGS & SENSATIONS 

Journeying deeper into Self

We all have a thousand feelings and sensations per day.  Many of those feelings & sensations we don’t fully register.  For example we often don’t register the feeling of our butt on a chair unless we have been sitting for too long, nor do we feel our feet on the ground unless we deliberately focus on those feelings.  Instead of feeling every nuance our nervous system does something that is called accommodation.  In this way we learn to tune out or become less aware of all the “ordinary” feelings and sensations that we have on a day to day basis.  

This accommodation or tuning out function has pros and cons.  On the pro side of things most of us don’t want to be feeling every single sensation that arises as it would become distracting.  We would never get things done because we would be feeling every aspect of every moment.  It would be hard to be focused on anything else.  Also for people who tend towards vigilance and/or hypersensitivity, feeling every aspect of their experience would feel overwhelming.  For these reasons the accommodating function of the nervous system is beneficial.  

Now for the cons.  On the journey of deepening into self-recognition it is helpful to have gateways and pointers.  Due to the fact that we are physically focused right now we have these bodies with nervous systems that can perceive sensations and feelings.  These sensations and feelings are pointers into developing greater awareness of self.  If we’ve simply accommodated to say the sensations of our fears or anxieties to the point that they don’t register with us than we lose valuable access points into our patterns, which means that the patterns go unchecked.  When a pattern is unchecked it runs the show of our life, but does so unconscious to our knowing of it.  

The dance then becomes the selective attunement to the subtleties of your feelings and sensations.  For some this means coming out of automatic mode and noticing those feelings and sensations that you’ve been overriding without knowing that you’ve been overriding them.  Slowing down enough to recognize that you are having a feeling or sensation that perhaps isn’t overt, but is present.  For others, particularly those that tend to be more sensitive to sensations or feelings, it’s the willingness to feel them rather than going into overwhelm or victimization to them as if they are somehow bigger than you.   

TECHNOLOGY OF AWARENESS 

Going through the sensation portal

There is an obvious difference between an overt sensation or feeling and a subtle one.  When we override the subtle ones than life has to speak to us in louder ways to get our attention for our own learning, healing and growing.  We’ve collectively agreed to call those louder ways that life speaks to us physical symptoms, which come with a set of labels and conditions.  However the subtle feelings and sensations are the ones that, if we can tune into them, the current medical model says its all in our heads because they have no way to measure them.  Its clearly not that they don’t exist inside of our experience, but instead that our current level of technology can’t attune to it.  

Good thing we don’t need to rely on external technology to tell us information about ourselves.  We have within our body some of the most advanced technology available on planet earth and in fact in this entire universe.  That technology is called our awareness.  Awareness is alert, awake, clear, attentive, and conscious.  This entire life journey is about becoming more awake, conscious of ourselves and of this awareness that we are.  One of the prime ways this occurs is through paying attention and noticing what is in our experience and what it is pointing too.  Through investigation of this we learn what those sensations and feelings are all about and why they are created in the first place.     

One fundamental thing to understand is that all sensations and feelings, subtle or overt, are simply catalyst for learning.  They arise to teach us something about ourselves, about the way we do life, about who we are and who we think we are, about what we are here to share and be.  That is really it.  No more meaning than that.  We can try to make them into problems and things that need to be fixed or changed, but in truth that is not what they are.  The perspective of seeing them as problems is viewed through the lens of wrongness and trying to make the forms of life permanent when they are not and are not meant to be. 

The more you can shift your focus to the perspective that life is about learning rather than trying to make this human experience consistent or permanent, the more flexible you will be in navigating subtle and overt sensations and feelings.  The more willing you are to slow down the more you will tune into your subtle nature and less you will bypass, overlook or accommodate to those sensations and feelings that are portals into greater understanding of yourself.  The more you prioritize self-growth, self-recognition and self-mastery the more energy that will become available to you to penetrate through all of the relevant sensations and feelings so you can see what they are actually made of, which is a conglomerate of thoughts, ideas and beliefs about self and life.  The freer you will become.  The more stable in self you will feel.  The less fear will arise because you will have seen through the roots of it.  These are the rewards of tuning to the subtleties and going in and through the sensation and feeling portals of life.  Utilize what’s been given to you.  Rather than see it as an interference, be curious and come to know the gift of it.  It all arises for your benefit and growth.  There is no other reason.  

Dr. Amanda Love, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

STABILITY IN THE MYSTERY

STABILITY IN THE MYSTERY

End your avoidance of the unknown

Let’s face it, life is one big fat mystery.  No matter how much we create meaning, define, categorize, label, plan, coordinate and directionalize our lives, at the core none of us have any real clue as to what this thing called life really is or what is going to happen next.  We spend an awful, and I mean awful, amount of energy attempting to navigate, predict and strategize the next move and the next move, juggling the pieces and the parts, so that nothing falls between the cracks or goes contrary to the plan.  Mind you those cracks and plan interferences are the one and only place that we can actually get a taste of the true mysterious nature of life rather than this self-architected, controlled chaos that we’ve attempted to create and which we call life.  The cracks, which we avoid like the plague, are our only real hope of seeing through this illusionary story of the life that we’ve created and deluded ourselves into believing as the one real, true reality.

Why do we avoid the cracks and the plan interferences?  There are a couple reasons.  The first being that we have an assumption that we are right or that the way we see the world is right, so when something occurs that doesn’t seem to fit with what we think should be then we view it as wrong and create a splice or separation in our perspective.  This divide comes with the sense that we need to fix the situation somehow, to right it so that it is no longer wrong.  Life then becomes a constant play of attempting to fix, solve, or correct things so that they align with our “right” perspective.  If things don’t align with our right perspective we suffer, if they do align we feel temporary goodness while silently waiting for the next shoe to drop, or the next problem we need to solve.  Another way to say this is that we avoid the cracks because we have certain internal expectations or stories about life, about our life specifically, what it should look like, feel like, all the things that need to happen or not happen, etc.  If something comes along that interferes with the ideas that we have about our life we often dislike it because we view it as something that shouldn’t be, as a deterrent.  We fail to see that what is happening should be happening just as it’s happening and we attempt to “get our lives back on track” without seeing that our life could never truly be off track.  We avoid the mystery of the thing we view as the “deterrent” brings, because we feel like we don’t know inside the mystery and we fight to get back to the known, which is this proverbial track we think we should be on.  

Clearly this demonstrates how much our minds like to be in the know.  They like to feel like they have a plan, that they know what is going on and where they are going.  They also like to know that certain things will be guaranteed and that there will be some sense of certainty, safety and security in whatever outcome they desire.  The mind is very uncomfortable when it senses that it doesn’t know, doesn’t have a plan or things aren’t guaranteed.  It might feel stupid, scared, confused, lost, limited, disappointed, unsafe, unstable, wrong, ashamed, etc. when it perceives that it doesn’t know what’s going on or where it is going.  This is yet another reason that we avoid the cracks and plan interferences.  When our sense of safety, security, purpose, value, worth and validation is dependent on circumstances (i.e. plans and life occurrences happening or turning out a certain way) then we manipulate, control, effort and at all costs try to make life be what we think it should be.   

ENDING THE STORY OF YOU 

Reunification in God

So really what’s so bad about the mystery?  Well as I’ve described above, from the mind”s perspective the mystery can be completely terrifying.  It is the end of our perceived sense of rightness along with death of the perspective of wrongness, which most of us want desperately to hold on to even though it feels soooo bad.  Feeling safe, secure, stable and comfortable in the world of objects being in a certain place or configuration dissolves.  Instead one must learn to be in a constant state of faith, never ending faith, in which true safety and stability is found.  Living in the mystery can also be the end of feeling that you are on your path or purpose, which is connected to one’s worth and value as a person.  I will make a side note here that a person first does need to develop a sense of individual purpose and worth, which is often achieved through their capacity to make things happen in the physical manifest world in a particular way.  This is a stage of ego/self development and an important one.  However what I am pointing to here in this article is the next stage where that illusionary sense of worth, that has been derived based on one’s capacity to make things happen, is ready to be seen through and transcended so that true inherent worth and value can be known.

Coming face to face with the mystery and deciding to stay there without trying to make something permanent takes your willingness to end your story about life.  Most people are not ready to end their story.  The story, the thoughts, the concepts, and the ideas is where most humans hang out.  Its fantastical, with ups and down, highs and lows, drama and boredom, creation and destruction, and although it seems very real from the mind’s perspective, it’s ultimately unreal and simply all made up in your head.  The mind has a great capacity to make things appear very real, very physical, very solid, and it is only through finding your way through your mind by falling into the cracks and going with the plan interferences that the seeming realness can reveal its un-realness to you.   

The beauty of the mystery is that it is the birthplace of infinite energy and infinite possibilities.  It is prior to form or manifestation.  As you trek forward in your development and awareness of self, in a way you are actually trekking back, back to the beginning, to the more primordial state of being.  At some point you realize that there is no forward or back but rather that everything is occurring right now.  This is presence.  This is having arrived.  Arriving is not stagnant or stationary but it is stable.  Stable not in the made up world of appearances and ideas, but in its knowing of it’s self.  The more allowing you are of the mystery the more stable you are in your true self.  To not have to know anything in particular, but instead to move into knowingness itself, which ironically is the mystery, brings the freedom of being beyond a separate person living for its survival, protection, importance and worth.

This is the beginning of life not being about you, not being about your plan, your goals, your wants, your desires, your dreams, your problems, your needs, your perceived purpose, your perspectives or your anything.  This ending of your personal life opens you into the space of God, of infinite intelligence and energy, and an unwavering stability in the mysterious unfolding of this thing we call creation or life.  As no longer a separate object in a universe you move with and as, rather than making up stories about what is.  Nothing recognized as separate, disconnected or wrong.  No attachment to what you think should be.  You realize movement and stability as one in the same as they arise out of each other.  Yes this is a seeming death of sorts, a complete dis-identification with everything you think of as you and which makes you who you think you are.  At some point all consciousness will arrive here, however your choice to consciously and deliberately choose the end of your perceived self-importance will accelerate your return to unity.  To join with God again in consciousness, in awareness, is to remember yourself.  All that is required is the end of the separate personal you who thinks its living a life for its own and even for others betterment.  In truth there is no such thing.  There is no you and there is no others.  There is only God being and God expressing.  There has never been anything else.  Everything else has been made up.  

Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

Opening into Nothingness

Opening into Nothingness 

Going beyond thought

Stars and material falls into a black holeWhether you are aware of it or not opening into stark nothingness is terrifying for most.  We both hunger to feel emptiness and instantaneously grab onto the next thing or thought the moment we taste even the slightest sliver of nothingness.  We are so bound up in our thoughts, worries, ideas, activities and the like that few of us even get a glimpse of what it feels like to experience total emptiness.  The irony is that emptiness is our natural state of being and yet most of us have never experienced it.  

Emptiness or nothingness is what is prior to or before thought arrives on the scene.  When thought does arrive it creates and colors the world that we see and what we call reality.  Reality for most people is just a conglomeration of their thoughts.  True reality however is completely without thought.  It simply is.  Pure beingness.  Awareness itself.  Why is it that we are so terrified of our natural state of pure beingness?  Well firstly it is because there is no separate, individual self in nothingness.  This means that the you that you think is you, let’s call this the “thought” you, dissolves into nothing.  There is no you in the traditional sense that you’ve come to know.  This feels completely destabilizing to the one you think you are (often people describe it as the feeling of death) and so the reaction-response is to fuse back with thought to feel a sense of stability again.  

Secondly in order to even taste nothingness we must be in a state of total openness and acceptance.  We cannot be attempting to make something happen, figure anything out or control something with our head/thoughts.  All of these put us in a state of resistance or closure, which equates to creating the experience of separation or otherness.  You cannot know nothingness from a state of perceiving otherness.  Many people however try to do this and nothingness becomes another box or container for their mind to explore rather than directly know.  In order to truly experience nothingness you must fuse with it thus becoming it rather than continuing to fuse with thoughts.  

When you make the commitment to open your system and let go of thoughts rather than continue to use your thoughts to figure out how to open your system, you will begin to know the beingness and the world beyond thought.  You cannot get beyond thought through using thought.  You must relinquish the thoughts altogether less your awareness will habitual continue to latch onto them out of familiarity and comfort.   

The End of Otherness 

Surrender into the Self

relationshipsAs we approach nothingness from a still separate point of view some of the experiences that we have are centered around feeling like we won’t know, that we will be totally useless, that we will be completely exposed or vulnerable, that if our mind/thoughts don’t inform us then what will, and above all we doubt because we don’t yet know what is on the other side of our thoughts.  We don’t perceive that we can trust that nothingness will provide and contains everything that is known and needed.  

The only way to really work with this is to allow yourself to feel the energy of all of these states of being that arise.  That means allowing the feeling of not knowing what is or will happen next which brings in the felt experience of trust, feeling exposed and vulnerable which brings in the direct experience of openness, feeling the spacious empty nothingness that is without thoughts which brings in the direct knowing of yourself.  See we often say we want to trust, or we want to be more open, or we want to more clearly and directly know ourselves and we think that we have to do something or figure something out in order to do it.  The truth is that trust, openness and knowledge of self come through you staying with those feeling experiences that you keep trying to avoid which just happen to be trust, openness and knowledge of self.  The direct path to what we desire is always inside of what we are currently experiencing.

To know ourselves, which is the final destination of the spiritual journey, is really just the beginning of life.  Before we know ourselves we are just trying to survive because all we perceive is separation and the fight for our physical needs, desires and existence.  If we have something than it means someone else does not have it and vis versa.  When we perceive otherness someone or something always wins and the other loses.  We fight to save live from the perspective of our eminent demise as we believe death of the body means death of us.

The end of otherness and the bridge into totality is the surrender into nothingness which is the true self or the true you.  This is to walk willingly into our own personalized ego death.  Ego being that perspective which believes itself to be a part, and apart from, rather than the whole.  This is the end to personalization of our lives and the unbending trajectory of the individual needs, wants and desires.  To be clear this does not mean death of the body, but to the perspective that body means separate from.  There is no separate you.  There never has been.  There has only ever been the thought of a separate you.  Separate you is just a thought.  When you relinquish all thought, even for a moment, you immediately realize this.  This is the direct experience and knowledge of self.  This takes you beyond the concept of you to where you no longer perceive other and the will of this body-mind instrument is divinely inspired and moved.  Personal insistences have dissolved and all that remains is God/Love/Spirit of which these vehicles are gladly utilized.  “Your” will becomes Love’s will as there is but one will.  

Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

Your life is not your own

Your life is not your own

Existence beyond being a body

Basic RGBTruly your life has never been your own.  What the heck does that mean?  If your life isn’t yours than whose is it?  That is a great beginning question to ask yourself.  We make a lot of assumptions about who/what we are with very little investigation as to if those assumptions are true.  One of the primary assumptions that pretty much most everyone makes is that they are a separate person.  It is hard to fathom otherwise.  If you aren’t the you that you’ve thought that you are then who are you exactly?  What would it even be like to know yourself other than the you that you think you are?

Let’s start at the beginning.  Not just the beginning of your memory or of this physical body, but of who/what you were before your were born.  Did you exist or does your existence only begin once you have a body, and even beyond that when you are aware that you have a body?  When you where a baby, prior to your physical memory or knowingness that you had a body or existed, did you not yet exist?  Simply because we don’t have a physical memory of our existence or an awareness that we exist does not mean that we do not exist.  Nothing proves this more than when we are infants, not yet knowing that we have a body or that we exist, and yet we clearly un-doubtingly exist.  

Existence has nothing to do with whether or not we have a body or know we have a body.  That being the case we must entertain that our life as we know our life to be may very well be made up of a bunch of untrue assumptions that we’ve simply learned that we are rather than the truth of who we are.  If this idea that you are not your body is true, and you exist without a body and even without the awareness that you exist, that poses a whole world of new questions to ask yourself about what is and what you are. 

Asking these questions opens up the doors to a new knowingness of yourself, but you must earnestly seek to find.  For without the hunger to discover more, more will not be discovered.  That impulse inside of you must be sparked alive in order to provide the energy needed to guide your path and attract the ever expanding awareness of who and what you are to you.   

The Grand Orchestrator 

Coming to know your true self

Bright Flower of Life With Stars On WhiteI like to use the analogy of the body, meaning this body that you have which currently houses your being, as one cell in a much larger body.  Just like this human body is made up of trillions of cells that are specialized to perform certain functions, there is a larger body which all humans, and really everything in creation, make up together.  As humans we often are not aware that this larger body, of which we are inseparably a part of, exists.  Yet simply because we are not aware of it doesn’t mean that it does not exist.  It just means that we haven’t become aware of it yet.  

For simplicity sake recognize that every human, animal, plant and mineral form on this earth is really just one body (not multiple bodies) and that every individuated expression, meaning each and every form of this one body, has its own specialized function depending on its blueprint.  At the level of the human body cell we call this blueprint DNA.  DNA is that encoded information which tells an individual cell in the body how to function.  Going to the next level up, which is the mind (i.e. what most of us identify as who we are) organizes the entire human organism so that there is harmonization of all of the cells and systems of the body working together rather than individual cells just doing their own thing.   In this way you can think of the mind as blueprint/DNA for the entire human body as a unit.  Then at the next level beyond that, that of the larger one body of which all is a part of, the blueprint is the soul.  The soul writes the instructions for all of creation.  You can think of the soul as the DNA for the collective creation body.  Even the soul, which knows oneness and inseparability, has something that informs it, which is the grand orchestrator.  You can call this source, God, Love or whatever name fits your fancy.  It is the ultimate intelligence from which all of creation or all of the universe is born and that which informs and organizes all of it.  

This brings us back to the beginning and this notion that your life is not your own.  Your life is 100% completely divinely orchestrated.  Not because your body or mind is in charge, but because something beyond what you may currently know is in charge.  When life appears to not be going your way or things occur that you don’t like, it is because you are seeing from a very limited perspective.  Its the perspective of being a separate human being, which you have never been.  That which is viewing the circumstances is the separate body-mind which is not yet aware of its larger body self.

So what is your choice here?  The choice is to surrender to that which appears to be mysterious to our mind and learn to develop faith.  Faith is how you will come to know yourself beyond the mind.  Faith is the bridge from mind to soul.  Faith allows you to recognize your self beyond this person you’ve come to know yourself to be.  Faith is the end of all resistances, all insistences, all wrongness, all judgment.  Faith is the end of experiencing separateness.  Faith is the end of suffering.  Faith brings you home into the remembrance and recognition of the larger truth that you are.  When you get this you experience total freedom and not the powerless that the mind thinks it will experience because it comes to the end of thinking its charge.  Instead you become fully empowered in the truth of you.

Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

Creating impact

Creating impact 

Influencing through the power of presence

impactMost of us have a desire to create an impact and positively influence others and the world.  I have found that it is an innate drive that wakes up in people as they move along their journey to greater wholeness and connection.  Sometimes we can feel stuck in knowing how to create impact and influence others.  Perhaps we feel we don’t know what or how to do something so we attempt to do more stuff and find ourselves caught in a whirl wind of energy that is directionless and draining.  Others may not know their power or be fearful of it so they back off, stay small and confine themselves to what they know which often feels stagnate, sleepy and mundane.

No matter what our reaction is the root cause of our feeling of not being able to impact or influence is the same.  That root cause is the feeling and belief that we are separate from that which we are trying to impact or influence.  Whenever you see yourself as separate from that which you are influencing you will have to “do” something in order to impact it.  Let’s call this compulsion to do something “the Doer”.  When you are the Doer there is always some kind of force or effort involved in the act of doing.  There is energy expenditure if you will.  Your energy must do something to someone else’s energy in order to impact them.  While this is one method of creating impact it is not a very powerful one.  It takes a lot of time, energy and work for relatively little impact or payoff.  

So how to do you resolve the paradox of having a separate body (and appearing seemingly separate from others) yet not being a separate being?  It begins with the power of presence.  Many times when we are attempting to create impact we are thinking about how to do it.  When we are thinking we are not present.  We are in our heads thinking instead of being in the alive moment that is.  When we are present we simply know what to do and how to do it, we don’t need to think about it first.  Presence is the first step into realizing your non-separate nature.   

Sourcing from something beyond ourselves

Dissolving self into Self

Most of us are identified with what could be called a small self or ordinary self.  This ordinary self is our personality self and most of us think this is who and what we are.  When we think and believe that we are our personality self we will always feel some limitation and separation.  

There is also a larger Self if you will.  Some people call this higher Self, big Self, source, light, one, God, etc.  This Self is also you and actually a more accurate description of you.  Most of us are not identified with this as ourself but instead as an outside force, entity, presence or being.  We see ourselves as separate from this and not as it.  This is why we  experience duality, polarity, opposites and difference.  

39991951 - starry skyFor a moment use your imagination and see this source and see yourself as part of that source.  Not separate from it, but as a wave or unique energetic signature or uprising within this source field.  You can think about it as seeing the limitless sky and you as a star or point of light within the sky.  You are both the totality of the limitless nature (sky) and this unique expression of that limitless nature (star).  Now go a step beyond seeing it in your mind and feel it with your body.  Now stretch again and experience it beyond your body but inclusive of it.  You are begin to dissolve your smaller personality self into the larger Self that you are.  

As you rest as your larger Self (inclusive of your smaller self) you step into the moment and begin to experience it rather than think about it.  It is like you drop into right now, there is nothing else and you are source itself.  No intermediary is needed between your higher Self and your ordinary self.  You simply are.  It the experience of I AM.  Not I am this or that.  I simply AM.  As I AM you are fully connected because you are source itself. 

From here you are simply impacting and influencing yourself and because it is you you know exactly what to do and how to do it.  No thought required.  Another added bonus of presence is that it is love-bliss filled.  When you are present there is a joy beyond description that you become.  The power of love truly comes into play here.  Instead of using your thoughts/mind to impact you are using your heart which is the one heart.  There is not a depletion of energy such as you are giving your energy to something with less energy, but instead a sharing of energy from one part of yourself to another part of yourself.  In this way it is energizing and playful to create impact and positively influence.  

Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado