LETTING PEOPLE HAVE THIR EXPERIENCE

LETTING PEOPLE HAVE THEIR EXPERIENCE

Ending control

We tend to be really good at trying to control life.  One of our most favorite ways to do this is through attempting to control ourselves or others in effort to make things amiable and peaceful.  In part this tendency is born out not wanting to see, or be the elicitor, of suffering and distress in another person.  The other part is that it creates a sense of external safety and security for us when everyone is happy.  As an effect of this we learn to not fully express ourselves, make things ok that really aren’t ok, not say or do what is true for us, and walk on the eggshells of life trying not to create too much distress or suffering in the experience of those around us.  This helps us feel like a “nice or good” person and like we won’t be left, abandoned, cast out or hated by others.  It keeps us feeling like we belong and like we will have our basic human needs met for survival and connection because people will like us.  This however comes at tremendous cost.  Cost to our own energy system because it’s draining to not be ourselves, and this drain on our energy system effects our physical, emotional and mental health.  That equates to not being able to maximally utilize your body, mind and life to play and be of service.  There are also costs in terms of learning for self and others.  When we control ourselves or try to control another person’s experience, we delay or lose out on development steps or stages in our personal and soul evolution.  We also don’t get to be mirrors for others assisting them in their growth.  

There is no denying that feeling bad at any level of our being sucks.  Suffering and distress is not a walk in the park.  It makes sense that we want to avoid and move in any direction but towards it.  While I believe that we can learn and grow without suffering, it currently tends to be part of the experience of learning for most.  Many of us will choose our own suffering over seeing another person suffer.  We will mold ourselves any which way we need to in order to try to take away, or not be the seeming source of suffering from someone, particularly someone we love.  Even though this seems incredibly honorable and kind, it robs people from fully having their experience.  Our addiction to fixing, alleviating or avoiding suffering and distress does not allow people to have their experience, whatever that experience might be.  This doesn’t in any way mean that you don’t lend a helping hand or words of kindness to someone who needs it, but rather that you don’t try to control their experience of their experience.  When we can fully be with our experience, liberation ensues.  We don’t end suffering by trying to manipulate people’s experience of it, but rather by helping to usher them through it.  Assistance and support in the ways that feel authentic and true are always in alignment, but it is not your responsibility to fix how someone feels.  It is not your job to make people feel differently than they do.  Notice where your own uncomfortableness with other people’s uncomfortableness comes in and runs the show of your words, actions and the ways you do or don’t express yourself.  Recognize where you might feel threatened if someone doesn’t feel good around you.  These are the indicators that you are hijacked by your own emotions, and whatever your actions are in the moment are not from coming from alignment, but rather from your own uncomfortablenesses and sense of threat. 

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO CARE ABOUT OTHERS? 

Moving beyond manipulation

This might all create some sense of confusion for you around what it means to care about others.  We are quite conditioned to believe that caring about others means that we help them feel a certain way about themselves or have certain experiences.  This assumes that we have some type of control over others, their free will in choosing their state of being and that somehow we know best.  It creates a power dynamic, which typically goes unseen, but can be felt as a subtle tension in the field of you and them.  It may also show up as a feeling of disempowerment, inferiority, distance or uncertainty that is is temporarily satiated externally by another, but isn’t sourced from your own knowing and therefore comes with subtle feelings of mistrust or instability.  

What if caring about others simply meant that you are without agenda in relationship with other.  To be a container of acceptance and love for whatever is present.  To not take anything as a personal insult or threat.  To not run or move away from anything and also not fix anything.  To not hold on or insist that anything stay, go or change out of your own desire for it be a certain way.  What if this is what it means to care rather than trying to make people happy and give them what you think they want so that they feel good and un-triggered, and you feel safe.  That, by the way, is a recipe for stagnation, lack of intimacy, and suffering if you ask me.  Again I am not suggesting that you not do or say things that are authentic acts of caring for you and that you desire to do, but rather that you stop protecting yourself and others in order to avoid unpleasantness.  What if transmutation of suffering occurs through allowing it rather than trying to get rid of it?  I get this is radical for most people and yet this is what healing (i.e. wholeness) is.  In order to come to know our wholeness we must include all, allow all and be with all, even the unpleasantries that we try to ignore, smash or manipulate out of existence.  

You could say that we live in a sea of manipulation of sorts.  Manipulating ourselves, others and buying into all of the manipulation of media, schools, healthcare system and such in order to feel as good as possible.  Not all manipulation is negative, but I do believe that it’s important to be intentional in its use.  Is it used to help one know that one is the source of all experiences?  That one is in charge of one’s own self?  If not you become reliant on external sources of manipulation to feel certain ways rather than moving through all of your life experiences that are there to guide you into greater self-knowing and self-sourcing.  

Letting people have their experience is caring about them even if that means that they will experience things that don’t feel good.  It’s ok to not feel good sometimes.  It’s ok for others to not feel good sometimes.  There is so much rapid learning that can occur when we stop trying to control life.  When we simply allow the truth of what is in our experience to be expressed we create liberation for everyone even if it doesn’t feel like it right away.  It’s ok to feel shaky, scared and frightened that you might lose something you love dearly if you be yourself and act authentically.  However you might also be surprised at how your fears don’t always live themselves out how you imagine they might.  The path takes courage and trust that all is well despite our experience of it.  

Dr. Amanda Love, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration

ACCEPTING SUFFERING

ACCEPTING SUFFERING

Moving towards connection

One of things we least desire to do is look at or be with suffering, both our own and others.  We often do our best to avoid, not feel, stop, alleviate or eradicate it.  Understandably so.  The large majority of people do not enjoy suffering.  It does not come with pleasurable sensations, feelings and experiences.  Rather it comes with a sense of disconnection, separation, aloneness, uncomfortableness, angst, fear, restlessness, powerlessness, helplessness, terror and more.  There really is no way to make suffering rosy, soft or nice.  It’s not.  Our minds nearly automatically want to fix it, change it or make it go away because it is such an unpleasant experience.  We do our best to push away suffering because the intensity of it is so uncomfortable.  Yet despite our attempts to somehow control or manage our experience of suffering, it remains and visits our experience time and time again.

At the core of suffering is a sense or feeling of disconnection.  We develop strategies to survive and cope with disconnection and the conglomerate array of other feelings that come with it.  These strategies are called protective mechanisms.  These mechanisms allow us to not feel the full intensity of suffering that we might otherwise feel.  These strategies are smart, intelligent and well intended.  Without them we might very well not be able to function in the world.  They work by cutting us off from fully feeling or processing experiences of suffering, which then gives us the ability to participate with the other happenings of life to some degree.  Yet the effects, or perhaps downside of these mechanisms is that while we can function we often don’t feel fully alive, integrated, joyous or connected.  Protective mechanisms compartmentalize our experiences and/or completely disconnect us from certain aspects of experiencing on purpose, that is their job so to speak.  They are a good short-term survival strategy, however they don’t allow for the fullness of life to be experienced or expressed through us.

When people seek for healing it is often because they know that there is more to life than what they are experiencing.  To even begin the healing journey one’s protective mechanisms have to soften slightly in order for them to recognize that there is more going on than meets the eye.  This allows them to embark on the path.  Healing isn’t necessarily about feeling great all of time and only experiencing pleasurable sensations.  It’s about feeling whatever is present.  Sometimes that means learning how to be with uncomfortableness, aloneness, separation, terror, powerlessness, angst and the like, because this is what your protective mechanisms have been keeping at bay so that you could function.  The paradox of sorts is that as you allow those feelings to be felt it feels good in a way.  Good to no longer be keeping them outside of your experience, and no longer utilizing energy and inner resources to avoid suffering.  Though you may not feel pleasure or joy in the moment, you do feel more connected. 

SPACE OF THE HEART 

Walking towards

The more willing and able we become to feel suffering, and as we have the inner resourcefulness to do so, the less defended and more open we become.  Protective mechanisms only engage when they perceive that there is something to protect, but if you walk towards that which you’ve avoided, protection is no longer needed.  As we open to disconnection and all of the things that come with that, we open into the heart.  The heart is the natural space that always is and when we stop separating and pushing away certain parts of our experience, we naturally experience the heart.  The reason that suffering is so intense is because it is the experience of disconnection from love.  Even though disconnection from love is not possible, the experience of it is.  It’s what we call suffering.

Accepting suffering as an experience, of which we have all experienced, is fundamental to transforming your experience of it.  As long as we remain separate from suffering, we will continue to experience it.  Only once we look at it, acknowledge it, feel it and let it move us, will we be able to change our relationship with it.  Only then will we be able to feel our heart open without needing to try to make it open.  Accepting suffering is pretty much the last thing that all of your protective mechanisms want to do, yet without your protective mechanisms up and running to show of your life all you experience is love.  It’s confusing to the mind to accept that which doesn’t feel good or desirable inside of its experience, yet in the arena of healing that’s where your freedom lives.  

When we are in nonacceptance of suffering we often feel internally cold, withdrawn, frantic, disassociated, overwhelmed, distraught, heavy, stressed, alone, restricted, not belonging and wanting out even if we are living a good life.  We can be experiencing the appearance of all the good things of life, yet internally we are disconnection from the source of life itself, which is our heart.  Even though your mind will look for a million ways out of your inner experience of suffering, you won’t come up with any that can get you out despite your endless attempts.  The only direction is in.  To be impacted, to feel, to fall apart, to let your heart be broken and then to be moved.  Moved to integrate all of the pieces that fell apart into a new configuration.  That new configuration is a new relationship with your life experiences, which offers different perspectives and ways of being that can only be known through impact and acceptance of suffering.

If you’re still reading this article then kudos to you.  Suffering is the absolute hardest thing to be with and accepting it takes everything you’ve got.  Yet the gift is opening into your own heart.  That is the healing journey, back home to where you began, before you knew anything of separation or disconnection.  To be open in your heart is to be fearless and to know the power of love is stronger than anything else.

Dr. Amanda Love, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration

Insisting on Non-wrongness

Insisting on Non-wrongness 

Moving past regret, remorse, doubt and judgment

sprial fractalWhat would your life feel like if you insisted on non-wrongness rather than the perspective that things are wrong, that you’ve done something wrong or that there are mistakes that you or others have made?  We are so often tormented by our own inner voices that fight for the story of imperfection and wrongness.  The concept of wrongness is so engrained in our thought patterns that it completely filters and taints the way that we perceive the world.  Most do not even question their perspective of wrongness, they simple accept this perspective unconsciously and live feeling regret, remorse, doubt and in judgment of self or others.  

The perspective of wrongness creates immense suffering.  It kicks people out of the “kingdom of God” or said another way, out of the experience of heaven, bliss, and love at all times.  Rather than perceiving the divine orchestration of God/the universe being all pervasive, our story of wrongness kicks in and says “this is God” and “this is not God”.  Or this one thing is perfect, but this other thing is not perfect.  This is right, but this is wrong.  Hence duality and polarity are created and our experiences are of separation and suffering.  What we fail to realize is that this separation that we are experiencing is not outside of us.  It does not come from some random outer place.  It comes from within our own heads.  It is our mind that determines the story of wrongness and only you can change your mind.  Nothing outside of you can do that for you.  

Why is it that we have this inner judger of right and wrong, perfect and imperfect, and included and not included?  We have been born into and simultaneously have bought into a collective belief system that is driven by this very concept.  Get that wrongness is simply a concept, an idea, it has no real validity except that which have and continue to give to it.  What if you no longer gave any energy to the concept, idea and belief of wrongness?  What if when things arose within your experience of life you saw them as perfect no matter if you liked what was presenting itself or not?  This is the path to everlasting freedom, to perceiving the truth of perfection and the all pervasive intelligent design of every atom and galaxy of the universe.   

Choosing what you’ve chosen 

Beyond the personal

Night sky praiseDue to the fact that we have been submerged in this belief of wrongness for our entire human life there is some work to do in transitioning from perceiving wrongness to non-wrongness.  The first thing is to stop insisting that what is, is in any way wrong whatsoever.  This means everything.  From the thing that your partner said to you that you didn’t like, to the thing you did but regretted or questioned doing after you did it, to something your boss or parents did or didn’t do, to some bad feeling state or physical pain you are experiencing, or some “accident” that occurred that you are perceiving as bad or detrimental.  As you move out of the perspective of wrongness and choose non-wrongness you also no longer experience fear or doubt of any kind because you see more and more the pure perfection of how everything is rather than seeing mistakes or wrongness.  

To choose what you’ve consciously or unconsciously chosen, which is to accept what is, frees you from all self hate and other hate.  To judge as wrong and resist what you’ve chosen is to create separation where there is no separation and it always feels bad.  It leaves you feeling restless, resistant, angry, anxious, annoyed, wounded or hurt.  It creates a state of dis-“ease” and supports separation rather than wholeness.  When you decide to accept your experiences, seeing yourself as the chooser of all of your experiences, whether or not you can see from your current perspective that you’ve chosen what you are experiencing, you experience a coming together and eventual complete unification with all of life.  

Sometimes it is hard for us to see how/why we have chosen certain experiences, particularly painful ones.  What I can say is that someway, somehow we are the ultimate chooser of it all.  Sometimes we choose experiences for our own personal growth and expansion and at other times we choose experiences to help others with their lessons.  Still beyond that we choose experiences to support the collective human species and beyond that the universe at large to expand, evolve and grow.  Our lives are much more than the small personal lives we tend to perceive on a day to day basis.  We are part of much larger and larger bodies that are more inclusive than just our individual lives.  

We are not always aware of what level our choice in experience is supporting.  Whether its just personal, or for other self, the collective or universal, but knowing this and have this perspective that you are bigger than your individual person can help you shift from the question of “why is this happening to me?” and perceiving a sense of alienation or wrongness, into a perspective of seeing the larger orchestration of life of which your person is a part of.  In this larger perspective our individual person often doesn’t know what it is supporting, but it is rested in knowing the non-wrongness that is inherent from this larger perspective.   

Doing the work to choose non-wrongness will open you up more and more to larger perspectives and aspects of your collective and universal being from where you will be able to experience more consistent bliss and love no matter what seems to be occurring in your personal life experience.  

Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

What are you committed to now?

What are you committed to now?

You are at where you are ready for

3D Rendering battery chargeAsking yourself “what are you committed to now” is the same thing as what you are ready for in your life.  Often times we say we are ready and that we want “xyz”, perhaps it is to feel differently, to stabilize in a more expanded state of being, be more energized or to have a different set of circumstances or conditions, yet we aren’t actually committed to or ready for it now.  We put the idea of what we think we want out there as a whimsical concept or a “hope and dream” that someday (fingers crossed) it will happen.  In doing so we keep our desires distant in time, to some future time unknown to us, simultaneously waiting for a magical and mysterious force to make it happen.  In doing so we give our power away while creating separation in what we think our actual reality can be now.  

What does it take to really be ready?  To be committed now and not at some future mysterious time?  It takes your knowingness that you can no matter what and your 100% desire and alignment with that which you say you want.  Not 95%, not 97%, even 99% alignment won’t cut it.  It must be 100% of you in alignment with that which you desire.  No wavering, no excuses, no justifications, no saying that you don’t know how or thinking that you can’t.  When you are ready there are no obstacles between what you are and what you desire.  In some ways its already happened and the physical manifestation catches up with where you already are.  

When we put things off, say we don’t know how, look for something outside of us to make it happen, we are outsourcing our power and choosing separation and suffering over freedom, liberation and truth.  That may sound extreme, and indeed it is extreme, yet we are doing it all of the time, calling it normal and then wondering why we are still suffering and why something magical hasn’t fixed us yet.  Something magical hasn’t fixed us yet because we have yet to claim that we are the magical being that “fixes us”. There is no other.  We are our own responsibility.   

Natural rhythms

Stages of Consciousness with Somato-Respiratory Integration  

39250156 - abstract circles art background. (swirl pattern)There are natural rhythms to everything.  In fact this is what the 12 stages of SRI are based on, the natural rhythms of consciousness that are experienced on the journey from suffering to awakening into truth. There are rhythms to suffer and feel powerless (stage 1), there are rhythms to project that other people and things know more than you (stage 2), rhythms to feel stuck and limited (stage 3), rhythms to reclaim your power (stage 4), rhythms to merge beyond your stories of limitation (stage 5), and rhythms to be ready, committed (stage 6) and to know yourself beyond what you’ve known yourself to be (stage 7).  No rhythm is better than another.  They are simply stages of development that we experience.  Some of them we visit or hang out in more frequently than others.  If there are stages or rhythms that aren’t resolved for you then they will keep resurfacing.  You must find acceptance within each rhythm if you are to integrate fully your development of the stages.

Its never about forcing yourself into a rhythm that you aren’t in and desire to be in, but more about fully being in and with whatever rhythm you are in.  The capacity to be able to do so means that you have to be able to identify the rhythms and know which one you are currently experiencing.  It is through identifying and being with where you are at that you can move through the stages with increasing grace and presence.  

The rhythm of being ready and committed is a higher stage of transformation. You know who you are, you know why you are here, and you simply must align with it.  So how do you get to a stage of readiness?  Its a combination of becoming aware, acknowledging and accepting your disconnection, being sick enough of suffering (this is where the energy comes from to transform), reclaiming your responsibility of your state of being, knowing you are worth it and that you are moving through and forward no matter what.  You simply decide and it is so.  There isn’t even really another choice at this point.  

In this particular rhythm it is never about the circumstance, situation, or other people, it is always about you.  It is about how you can better align with what is important to you, its about what you must do and how you must show up.  The power is not out there somewhere but instead here within you, as you, you hold the magic key.  Everything and anything is possible here.  You simply must be your commitment.  The world responds to you not the other way around.  You know your place as creator of and doing to rather being done to.  

Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

Suffering as a gateway to bliss

Suffering as a gateway to bliss 

Body-spirit disconnection 

I frequently see people who have spent years trying to heal their pain or condition and they feel like they have done all their inner work, yet feel frustrated, exhausted and at a loss as to why they still experience pain, disease or discomfort.

I have found that the reason why there seems to be a gap between our inner work or “spiritual knowing” and our physical experience is because there is a resistance to or grasping onto of something that we have not yet discovered.  Essentially there is some aspect of ourselves that we have not fully seen, felt and opened our heart too.

50353353 - young woman with mental disease with alter egoAllowing ourselves to suffer is actually the quickest way to heal, however most of us really have no clue how to suffer.  We spend an exorbitant amount of time, resources and energy on avoiding suffering, and we don’t even know we are doing this most of time.  This shows up in a million ways.

Some examples would be “overdoing” so you never have time to stop and pay attention to what is going on beneath the surface.  Or overthinking so you stay wrapped up in your story thinking you are gaining insights, but really are on your hamster wheel.  Avoidant eating, shopping, drinking, drugs (recreational or prescription), facebooking or any activity done with the intention to “decompress” or get the edge off.  These activities can dissipate your charge, which is an ok starting ground, however people stop there and often don’t then inquire as to what they are trying to “decompress” from.  What is it that they  don’t want to see, feel, look at and be with?

Experiential suffering

Learning to suffer well

Many people say things such as “I’ve already experienced so much pain from such and such experience in my life (typically referring to a traumatic experience), how could I feel more around it”?  This can also look like people saying things like “I’ve already worked through that issue, (maybe referencing worthiness, insecurity or the need to be liked), so this couldn’t be related to that still, I’ve already healed that.”  This often comes with an underlying unwillingness or  resistance to experience anything more around it.

When you’ve really healed an aspect of yourself you will no longer have the relationship to it where you are unwilling to return to it.  In fact, it’s the opposite.  This aspect has become so integrated as a part of you now that there is nothing to resist or dread to return too.  Instead only love is present.  If you don’t feel this overwhelming love when you think of it, then there is more work  do.

So the question becomes how do you start to discover what else might be going on, what you are still resisting or grasping onto, so that you can actually experience suffering rather than staying on the edges of it, thinking about it or creating stories around it?

21639547 - stairway in sky is revealedWhat’s required is true desire to discover, heal and resolve whatever shows up and love it like crazy.  If you remain unwilling to love what  presents itself, you will not heal.  Instead you will stay separate from this aspect of you and therefore some level of suffering will always be present, either consciously in your mind or unconsciously as expressed through your body as pain, disease or chronic illness.

Stage 1 of Somato-Respiratory Integration is a powerful tool that provides a framework for you to use in order to bring to conscious awareness those things which are currently hidden from your sight, so that you can then make the choice to either resist or to accept and love.  Continued resistance creates more suffering and newfound acceptance creates a gateway to bliss.

Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado