RESOLVING CHARGE

RESOLVING CHARGE

Depolarizing our perspectives

Most people are familiar with charge.  Charge is polarization or activation in a particular perspective or way of thinking about an experience.  People deal with charge in different ways.  Some people get reactive and justify or defend their perspective, while others withdraw, become apathetic or move away from their experience.  Whether or not a person chooses to react or withdrawal, the charge remains unresolved in their system.  Unresolved charge perpetuates tension, irritation, restlessness and disconnection.  

Charge occurs because we have certain beliefs, perspectives and preferences about our experiences.  When our preferences or perspectives of an experience don’t match with what is actually occurring, we build up charge or resistance.  Another way to say this is that when we don’t want to accept what is occurring, because we want something else other than what is revealing itself to be happening, we create resistance.  Resistance is our attempt to not fully feel what is actually happening because its doesn’t feel good to us and it doesn’t align with what it is we think we want.  

Charge creates the experience of disruption to our sense of stable, rested beingness.  This means that it creates disruption in our capacity to be present and be of service in a way that supports others and supports interconnectedness.  So frequently people say that their desire is to be centered, unswayed, and rested in themselves no matter what is occurring.  Yet most people allow themselves to get pulled out of center by their very own perspectives and preferences.  There is nothing wrong with this, it’s simple that it creates an experience of being caught up in one’s own thoughts, rather than present to what is.  

In general I find that most people aren’t really aware of themselves in such a way to notice how they are creating their own experience of loss of centeredness or stability in self.  They don’t see that how they perceive an experience is what creates resistance, not the actual experience itself.  They also don’t want to feel how what is showing up is undesired or undesirable.  This creates the postponement of change in one’s life because when we are unwilling to feel what is, and that it is undesirable, then we don’t have the fuel to move on from our perspective and create the changes we desire in our state of being.  This keeps us in mental loops, which come with the feeling that we are stuck or can’t move on.   

FINDING YOUR WAY THROUGH

Death of your dreams

In order to resolve the charge it typically means that you must die to something.  That something is usually an idea, hope or desire you had about how an experience in your life, or life in general, would go or turn out.  This is often experienced as the death of a dream(s).  It is also referenced in spiritual circles as ego death, which is death of the individual purpose driven life.  As unappealing as this may sound, and as contradictory as it may seem to the self-empowerment movement, it is the portal to peace.  It is how you come to resolution, and become once again available to what is rather than what you’d hope was.  

It makes total and complete sense that we don’t want to feel death.  Death tends to not feel good to most of us so we move away from the experience of it.  We are not so willing to just plunge into death, so instead resistance to what is, is created.  We may find ourselves trying to tell ourselves we are ok with whatever is, but underneath it all we really aren’t.  We know we aren’t because we don’t feel absolute, total peace and resolve.  Rather we feel tense, but don’t know why.  We feel disconnected, but can’t figure out it logically.  We try to move forward, but feel we don’t know how.  Life seems to not be opening up for us because we aren’t opening into the death that needs to occur before rebirth can find its way through.  

By going into the portal of death you come to experience true surrender.  Surrender of your insistences, surrender to seeing your preferences being played out in the world, surrender to trying so hard to make things happen in a particular way, and you find yourself in a state of openness.   Open receptivity is our natural state of being minus all of the personal preferences and desires we create along the way of this human journey.  You become available to and for life, rather than to and for your own agendas, and the sense of untethered-ness to your own preferences is liberating.  To the person that you believe yourself to be this seems stupid and devastating, and yet only once you go through the portal of death of your dreams can you discover the freedom that lives here.  The freedom to simply be present with what is here, to be an open vessel of energy and information to give to life, to others and to other aspects of creation.  This is the only true fulfillment.  All else is only temporary gratification.  

To resolve charge is to be at peace and to be stably rested in yourself no matter what is occurring.  As you die to what you think you want and open to what is, you become harmony.  Though becoming harmony you share that frequency with all that you interact with in this world.  All then gets the opportunity to see, feel and find harmony within itself.  This is 100% within your capacity and ability.  It takes only the willingness to move towards what actually is and let it crack you open in whatever ways it does.  The heart then finds its expression and is your lived experience.  

Dr. Amanda Love, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

NO WHERE TO NOW HERE

NO WHERE TO NOW HERE 

Stop trying to go somewhere

It’s curious where we are all trying to get.  Seems like there is always somewhere to go, some other destination to arrive at and some other experience to be gotten to already.  We live in this forward trajectory of next and next and next, while never realizing that we are living our former next now and that the nexts will keep coming indefinitely.  To pause our focus on what’s next and be where we are now seems trivial, mundane or as if its lacking something that we must get.  

One must wonder what fuels this quest to get something or somewhere other than where we are.  If we really just cut to the chase here, all trying to get somewhere other than where we are (which is impossible by the way) is rooted, fueled and motivated by a perception we have of lack.  We believe that something is not in our experience that should be or that we want to be in our experience.  So we attempt to fulfill that seeming void that we perceive.  That lack could be of anything.  Perhaps it’s lack of happiness, lack of feeling good, lack of freedom, lack of movement, lack of connection, lack of resources, lack of money, lack of love, lack of purpose and on and on.  

I promise you that however tempting and true it may seem that what you are looking for exists somewhere else, it does not.  There is nothing that exists “over there” that doesn’t also exist here now.  If we take it a step further there isn’t even really an “over there” or anything other than now.  Try to find proof that something outside of now exists.  To find proof you would somehow have to prove that you could be other than existence, essentially that you could not exist.  Try to not exist, to not be, to not is, to not be here and let me know how it goes and if you find success.  

There is only now happening and now is all that ever happens.  To live this is to be in eternal peace.  This is the end of resistance and of all getting, striving, attaining, moving towards, and progress.  To not fight with where you are, which is now and to not fight what is, relaxes everything inside of you and therefore your experience relaxes as well.  When now is recognized and received you work inside the moment, with creation, with the unfolding, rather than as a separate object that is trying to get somewhere else or to the next thing.  Experiences and appearances continue to move and change, but there is no more trying to get things to change.  You are, all is, and this moment which is all moments, can be nothing other than fully perfect and complete.  No lack.  Nothing missing.  No where to go or get.  All remembers and sees what it is and that nothing ever left itself.   

LETTING EVERYTHING GO 

Release all wanting of things to be different

Let everything go.  Let everything be.  Want nothing from anything.  This is the way to know freedom.  This is the way to be at peace forever.  This is the way to have everything you truly desire, which is everlasting presence.  To want something or someone to show up differently, act differently, be differently than they are, is to attempt to control life or control others and not allow them to be themselves.  When we hope, pray, or plea that things will be different than they are, we lose our center and act in ways that are not in alignment or integrity with who we are in order to get what we think we want.  We then doubt, question, over-analyze, lash out, withdraw, react and endlessly stir in the thoughts of our mind.  The result of this is that we feel stuck, trapped, lost, powerless and at the mercy of others or to our experience of life.  

Our attachments to our ideas of what we want and the forms that those ideas take, steer the boat of our life if we let them.  In fact most people spend their life trying to get all of their desires to manifest so that they can give themselves the permission slip to relax and feel good.  Our desires are the guiding light, the spark that fuels the choices we make and the directions we choose, however when we attach to the outcome of our desires in order to get a perceived need or want met that we feel is missing, we have a recipe for suffering.  

In letting everything go we are open to receive everything as it is.  We allow our desires to take on whatever forms and shapes that they want to take on rather than the ones we think they should take on.  In this way we let the mystery of what will be reveal itself to us here now rather than fixating on how it will turn out, which puts us in the “next” mode.  This frees us from having to control life or others.  For most of us controlling isn’t our most natural state so it feels bad to us yet we continue to do it because we perceive lack.  Letting everything go means letting go of our control, letting go of our insistences, letting go of our rights, wrongs and and injustices, and letting go of our ideas and perceptions of lack.

To let go is to live love.  It is to be love, to be your natural state, to receive everything as it is.  It is to be here now, to be present and experience the bliss that is presence.  It doesn’t mean that you will never have painful sensations, intense emotions, unpleasant thoughts or challenges.  It doesn’t mean that you will never experience discomfort or dis-ease.  It doesn’t mean that all of your dreams and desires will be made manifest.  It only means that you will be present, you will be awake, you will be here.  You will stop trying to get anywhere and you will be where you are.  You will learn-share everything you are meant to learn-share.  You will stop missing out on your life because you realize you can’t miss out.  You will stop resisting, pushing away or forcing anything.  Instead you let whatever comes to you come.

The thing about now here is that it never leaves.  There is no situation, circumstance, event, activity, or experience that is separate from here now.  This means that presence is all pervasive.  There is no anything that needs to push you into next mode.  Full permission to be here, just as it is and find peace inside of now.  

Dr. Amanda Love, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, CO

DESIRE WITHOUT ATTACHMENT

DESIRE WITHOUT ATTACHMENT 

Coming back to love

Oh the conundrum of desiring without attachment.  The wanting, the hunger, the joyful moving towards the heart’s desire without any supposition or assurance for the fruits of your labor to be experienced or made manifest.  A seeming almost impossible feat, to stay desirous and unattached, and yet the possibility is ripe inside each and every moment. In fact, if the ripeness of possibility of unattached desire is chosen, the experience is unconditional love, or just actual love as love has no conditions.  

Why do we make conditional or bind that which is free and unbound at its very nature?  Because we want certainty.  We want safety in knowing that something will be, look, feel or show up in a particular way.  That image we have of what we want seems to be linked to us getting it, as without the getting of it we feel unfulfilled or empty of it.  However as soon as we try to get the thing or experience, we become laden with agenda and utilize tactics of manipulation to get or keep what we want.  Now there is no problem in getting what you want, of receiving the fruits of your heart’s desire, it’s simply that it must not be required in order for you to be fulfilled, joyful and feel complete.  There must be no need to have it inside of your desire for it.  The completion is in the desiring not in the getting.  

To have your focus on the desiring rather than the getting often leaves you with feelings of vulnerability, uncertainty and exposure.  There is the wide open mystery in front of you, in which you have no idea what it holds, and yet you continue to keep your heart open in desire, in love.  You let the mystery give you whatever it does without you insisting or holding onto a single way in which its supposed to look or feel.  Inside of this is the death of your insistences, of your limited perspectives of righteousness and thinking you know what is best from your egocentric mind.  It is you saying “I love, I want, I desire and I’m yours” to the mystery “do to me, with me, through me what you will”.  This is surrender.  It is rapture with the divine.  It is where my will and thy will merge into one.   

COMMITTED TO LOVE 

The way to surrender

In order to get to the point of surrender you must have one hell of a commitment to love and loving.  Even though surrender is glorified in spiritual communities and people loosely use the term like its some walk in the park, it is not easy.  It is not easy for your mind to give up getting what it wants or trying to figure out how to get what it wants, truly.  For a moment activate feelings of deep want and desire in your current most intimate relationship while simultaneously not needing to have the experience of being with that person.  Feel deeply wanting all the nice things that you surround yourself with without needing them to be in your surroundings.  Try feeling your passion for all the causes you feel passionate about without needing any of them to change from their current state.  You can see now that without your full on devotion to loving, the lure of getting the objects or outcomes of your desires will sweep you in, captivate you and you will be powerless to it.  The only thing that will pull you out of your self-indulgence is your steadfast, ruthless, total and complete devotion to loving no matter what.  

Loving no matter what is a muscle worth building.  I’m not sure why there aren’t more gyms that cultivate this type of workout, but I suppose its because life just naturally gives us plenty of times in a single day to stretch, firm and bulk up this muscle.  Any time you notice tension, resistance, non-acceptance, holding your breath, or turning away from something or someone you have an opportunity to build your love muscle.  If you start a practice of coming back to love over and over and over again then you will begin to know what surrender is rather than just talking about it.  Once you taste surrender you realize that none, and I mean none, of the objects and outcomes of your desires are “supposed to happen.”  You realize how little you see and know, and that you have no freaking idea what is supposed to happen from and through your desire.  This may sound a little depressing at first.  I get it.  But what it actually is and feels like is a true, sincere humility.  All of your pride, arrogance and needing to know or get, goes out the window.  

Yet the wanting, the loving, the desiring that you feel continues if you let it.  That desiring is the creative impulse of the creator moving through you.  That impulse is love.  Your mind tries to distort or condition that impulse (i.e. condition love) by making images, stories, and ideas about what that creative impulse is supposed to create and look like in the manifest.  It then attaches the impulse to the picture it created and insists that the two go together when in fact they may or may not.  Your job, if you so choose, is only to remain open to what your desires want to look like rather than insisting that they fit into your original image. 

Feeling, following and acting on your desires is key to you expressing the gift of the creator through you, but it is not for you to determine the fruits of that desiring.  This is desire without attachment.  This is what it is to love.  The art of loving is an expressive adventure indeed.  It is a full playing of the game of life.  A welcoming invitation to what is in every single moment.  The willingness to prioritize, commit, and devote your life to loving opens you into a life of ecstatic surprise and mystery, filled with a richness that you could never fit into any image you could imagine.

Dr. Amanda Love, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

LET EVERYTHING HAVE IT’S EXPERIENCE

LET EVERYTHING HAVE IT’S EXPERIENCE 

Ending the battle of proving your worth

Imagine what it would be like to not interfere with experience whatsoever.  What I mean by this is to allow whatever shows up to show up without you medleying, intervening, changing, or improving it at all.  Having zero thoughts about it and instead just simply experiencing it.  For some of you this might feel impossible, like a fantastical dream that no one can possible live in.  You might also notice that you have judgments or stories about what living in such a way would mean about you, such as that perhaps you don’t care, you’re lazy, you’re not in reality, too many things need you to show up in a certain way, nothing will get done, no progress will be made, etc.  

The truth is that until you can get to the point where you can simply allow everything to have its experience, even if it feels devastating or someone is freaking out about something, you don’t actually know what its like to be present and truly be of service which is a natural expression of presence.  It is not until you get to this place that you know what rested freedom is and the awareness that you know everything you need to in any moment reveals itself.  It is also through landing here that you are finally rested in your own self-worth which arrives through the humility of ending your projected agenda onto experience.  

If this is all indeed the case then why do we not end our efforting with experience right now.  Why do we continue to feel that we must do something to what already is?  The number one culprit is our feelings of lack of self-worth which come with attempts to prove our worth through shifting experience.  Due to the fact that putting on the cloak of perceived lack of self-worth is one of the human garments we tend to cloth ourselves with when we incarnate, we find strategies (consciously or not) to prove that we are worthy and to have personal purpose, value or meaning.  This most often comes through accomplishing something, making something different, or getting someone to feel a certain way in which they approve of or like us for.  Through this we give ourselves the permission slip to feel good about ourselves and we get a sense of individual value or worth.  The downfall of this strategy is that when we don’t accomplish, make different, or people don’t feel good in their interactions with us or we perceive we can’t make them feel a certain way, then our self-worth again plummets.  True self worth cannot be found through interfering with or manipulating experience no matter how well intentioned it may be.  It can only be derived through the full acceptance of the experience just as it is and the recognition that what you think about it doesn’t matter one bit.  This opens you into humility where you can actually see what is rather than your projection of what you think is.  This enables you to be of true service, and the humility that is a natural effect of suspending the significance of your own thought projections is the birthplace of unconditional, inherent worth that requires nothing of you.   

SURRENDERING TO NOT ENOUGH 

Death of the ego

How ok are you with not needing to do anything, or be anything in particular, or having any particular outcome appear?  Most people are not very comfortable with this, with simply being without agenda.  Though they might enjoy it for a weekend retreat or workshop, when they come back to their everyday life, being is viewed as a luxury and not a priority.  And truth be told even if we are at a weekend workshop or retreat we are often trying to get something out of the experience rather than simply be and experience.  We compartmentalize doing from being because it comes back to this fundamental issue of self-worth and feeling like we have to earn our keep somehow.  Deserving to be without anything, without progress, without accomplishing, without change, is simply not in our vernacular.  

I have found that there is no real way to get the ego to accept its worth.  Even all of the achieving, production and glorification in the world won’t do it.  Its entire premise is built upon this core underlying lack belief, that somehow it is not enough.  When we misidentify as the ego it then means that we perceive we are not enough and hence the strategy of not allowing experience to be as it arrives on the scene and we can only feel good if we are doing something about it.  The only way to end this battle of lack of self-worth and resistance to certain experiences is by surrendering to your own feeling of lack of self-worth.  Accepting that this is so, that you feel like you are not enough.  It is the only way to get over yourself.  If you do not accept this you will continue to attempt to fight it by finding all the ways to prove that you are worthy through manipulating experiences (which includes other people’s reactions to you), while underneath it all continuing to feel unworthy, and your life will feel effortful as you swim upstream.  

I will just say that your ego will hate this like nothing else because it means game over for it.  To surrender to not enough means that most everything you think is so important is not and every way that you derive self-worth from your experiences comes to a screeching halt.  In accepting your own sense of unworthiness you’ve taken away the fuel source for the ego to perpetuate itself along with all of its compulsory actions to prove itself.  The more identified you are as your ego-personality the more this will feel painful and like you are dying, because in a way you are.  However do not fear as it is only the illusionary self that is dying and through this death process you come to know the real you that is beyond this made up you.  The real you is the you that is inherent worth in and of itself.  With nothing any longer to prove, you are free to just be.  To just be you without having to make anything different.  You are free to be present to experience just as it is.  Now you are in true service, true alignment, with everything that is and with the creator, God, Source, Love.  

No longer perceiving error, wrongness or lack is now the natural way that you see when die to trying to make experience different than it is.  Your vision opens for the first time and everything looks glorious even if the same appearances are in your visual field.  Action still arises, naturally, organically and effortlessly.  Each movement, behavior, thought, feeling, sensation and impulse being informed as directly from God, Source, Love.  There is seamlessness.  No you and other, just one continuous awareness.  One indivisible, unified is-ness, beingness.  Your experience is simply beingness in action and you find there is nothing to do about it, but only to be and play within it.  Play in the natural expression and reflection of Love in its infinite myriad of forms.  

Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

Opening into Nothingness

Opening into Nothingness 

Going beyond thought

Stars and material falls into a black holeWhether you are aware of it or not opening into stark nothingness is terrifying for most.  We both hunger to feel emptiness and instantaneously grab onto the next thing or thought the moment we taste even the slightest sliver of nothingness.  We are so bound up in our thoughts, worries, ideas, activities and the like that few of us even get a glimpse of what it feels like to experience total emptiness.  The irony is that emptiness is our natural state of being and yet most of us have never experienced it.  

Emptiness or nothingness is what is prior to or before thought arrives on the scene.  When thought does arrive it creates and colors the world that we see and what we call reality.  Reality for most people is just a conglomeration of their thoughts.  True reality however is completely without thought.  It simply is.  Pure beingness.  Awareness itself.  Why is it that we are so terrified of our natural state of pure beingness?  Well firstly it is because there is no separate, individual self in nothingness.  This means that the you that you think is you, let’s call this the “thought” you, dissolves into nothing.  There is no you in the traditional sense that you’ve come to know.  This feels completely destabilizing to the one you think you are (often people describe it as the feeling of death) and so the reaction-response is to fuse back with thought to feel a sense of stability again.  

Secondly in order to even taste nothingness we must be in a state of total openness and acceptance.  We cannot be attempting to make something happen, figure anything out or control something with our head/thoughts.  All of these put us in a state of resistance or closure, which equates to creating the experience of separation or otherness.  You cannot know nothingness from a state of perceiving otherness.  Many people however try to do this and nothingness becomes another box or container for their mind to explore rather than directly know.  In order to truly experience nothingness you must fuse with it thus becoming it rather than continuing to fuse with thoughts.  

When you make the commitment to open your system and let go of thoughts rather than continue to use your thoughts to figure out how to open your system, you will begin to know the beingness and the world beyond thought.  You cannot get beyond thought through using thought.  You must relinquish the thoughts altogether less your awareness will habitual continue to latch onto them out of familiarity and comfort.   

The End of Otherness 

Surrender into the Self

relationshipsAs we approach nothingness from a still separate point of view some of the experiences that we have are centered around feeling like we won’t know, that we will be totally useless, that we will be completely exposed or vulnerable, that if our mind/thoughts don’t inform us then what will, and above all we doubt because we don’t yet know what is on the other side of our thoughts.  We don’t perceive that we can trust that nothingness will provide and contains everything that is known and needed.  

The only way to really work with this is to allow yourself to feel the energy of all of these states of being that arise.  That means allowing the feeling of not knowing what is or will happen next which brings in the felt experience of trust, feeling exposed and vulnerable which brings in the direct experience of openness, feeling the spacious empty nothingness that is without thoughts which brings in the direct knowing of yourself.  See we often say we want to trust, or we want to be more open, or we want to more clearly and directly know ourselves and we think that we have to do something or figure something out in order to do it.  The truth is that trust, openness and knowledge of self come through you staying with those feeling experiences that you keep trying to avoid which just happen to be trust, openness and knowledge of self.  The direct path to what we desire is always inside of what we are currently experiencing.

To know ourselves, which is the final destination of the spiritual journey, is really just the beginning of life.  Before we know ourselves we are just trying to survive because all we perceive is separation and the fight for our physical needs, desires and existence.  If we have something than it means someone else does not have it and vis versa.  When we perceive otherness someone or something always wins and the other loses.  We fight to save live from the perspective of our eminent demise as we believe death of the body means death of us.

The end of otherness and the bridge into totality is the surrender into nothingness which is the true self or the true you.  This is to walk willingly into our own personalized ego death.  Ego being that perspective which believes itself to be a part, and apart from, rather than the whole.  This is the end to personalization of our lives and the unbending trajectory of the individual needs, wants and desires.  To be clear this does not mean death of the body, but to the perspective that body means separate from.  There is no separate you.  There never has been.  There has only ever been the thought of a separate you.  Separate you is just a thought.  When you relinquish all thought, even for a moment, you immediately realize this.  This is the direct experience and knowledge of self.  This takes you beyond the concept of you to where you no longer perceive other and the will of this body-mind instrument is divinely inspired and moved.  Personal insistences have dissolved and all that remains is God/Love/Spirit of which these vehicles are gladly utilized.  “Your” will becomes Love’s will as there is but one will.  

Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

Giving Everything Back to Source

Giving Everything Back to Source 

Tendency to hold on

Studio shot of worried and upset caucasian woman holding hands in pray near chin, squeezing it tight and begging for something, smiling nervously and standing with closed eyes over gray backgroundAs human beings we tend to hold onto everything.  This perpetual holding on gives us a sense of security and like we can somehow manipulate our external reality if we just hold on a little bit tighter.  Holding on is our attempt to control the spontaneous, unpredictability of life so that we are not caught too far off our guard where we perceive that things might get or go “bad”.  This holding onto life keeps our life looking a particular way and provides us with the illusionary experience of consistency and sameness.  While a part of us feels better when this illusionary experience of life appears to be intact, another part of us feels stifled and like it can’t breathe inside of delusion we are perpetuating.  

We not only hold onto material things like homes, jobs, relationships and such, we also hold onto thoughts.  In fact we are almost never entirely without a thought.  For many people to open into the spacious, emptiness beyond thought is terrifying.  I believe that most have never done it for much longer than a second or two, if even that, which means that we are always holding onto something.  Why the terror to let go you may ask?  Perhaps we fear that this world that we live in now, with all the things that we know, will disappear.  Perhaps the tastes we’ve had of freedom have felt “too free” and we prefer some constraint and limitation over our freedom.  Maybe we’ve created the story that we don’t know how to let go, or maybe we don’t even know that we are holding life in the grips of our own mind.  

Regardless of our reasoning or our lack of awareness into ourselves as to our patterns of holding the result of holding is the same.  Holding on always creates some level of tension in our body-mind.  That tension then becomes the filter with which we interpret and experience everything and with which we come to believe what is.  Tension patterns also create disconnection from source or from the larger organizing principle of creation.  This is the inherent function of tension patterns, to be self-protective of this individuated body-mind organism that we call ourselves, and yet simultaneous with this comes reinforcement of the illusion of perceiving yourself as separate from the rest of creation.   

Reconnecting with Source 

Its easier than your mind thinks

Happy girl jumpingRe-establishing connection to source is always easier than our mind thinks that it is.  It is the job of our mind to make things way more complicated than they are in actuality.  People’s minds like to talk about how they have to do this or that, change this or that, or how they just have to surrender and let go already.  Yet for most this simply stays in their mind as another thought or idea that takes up space inside of the infinite spaciousness of ourselves.  I find if people are talking about their need to surrender and let go they are quite far from actually doing it.  Why does letting go or surrendering stay in the mind rather than become our direct experience?   It is because ultimately we don’t really want to let go of what we say we want to let go of.  We prefer our uncomfortable (or unnoticeable for some that have less awareness of themselves) tension patterns and delusional stories of reality over ease and truth because more than anything else we fear what we might lose.  

So fear of loss runs the show of our lives until we boldly and courageously decide to no longer let it.  Not until we are willing to lose everything can we truly experience surrender.  Few people arrive here without exhausting every other possible route first.  We quite literally exhaust ourselves into the truth.  Our beliefs in scarcity, lack, and wrongness, that we won’t have enough, be enough, achieve the right things, things won’t last or turn out, that we’ve failed, will be alone,  etc… triumphs.  

How do we walk this path towards surrender step by step?  I have found that to give everything back to source is the quickest route.  This means making the commitment to first tune into yourself and develop awareness of your patterns of tension and disconnection.  As tension patterns arise at the body level immediately release them.  Don’t try to figure them out or process them at length, simply just drop the tension.  Rather than continue to hold on to it, let it go, just like that.  You will notice instantly more ease and breath in your body.  You will also begin to realize just how powerful you are and how you are the creator of your own tension patterns.  Second is the willingness to let go of your thoughts as they arise.  This will take consistent practice for most.  If you get fixated on a thought recognize the fixation and then let the thought go.  This is important particularly for thoughts that really grab you and bring you into a less resourced and often fearful state.  

As you do this more and more you will be developing your skill set in giving back to source rather than taking from or holding on as if nothing else will ever come your way.  Whenever we give back we are instantaneously rewarded with more energy and aliveness.  What we hold onto we maintain.  At best our energy state stays neutral which means life looks the same and feels mundane most of the time.  However what we give back to life, to source, frees us up and thus we become available to exponentially greater and greater states of energy.  This also means that we almost never know what will happen.  We are in the moment of ever present aliveness, trust, and knowingness in the perfection of it all.  This is what at our heart of hearts we all desire and seek no matter how much our minds want to interfere.  

Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

Power of Love

Power of Love 

Infinite Life Force

16152518 - beautiful lotus backgroundMost all of us make claims to the power of love.  On some level we know that love is the ultimate everything and yet when things get “serious” or when we get caught up in our emotional or thinking bodies the power of love is forgotten.  Why is it that we drop love or downplay its position as the grand orchestrator of all of life when things get messy, unclear or uncertain?  Why does our thinking mind along with its linearity and rationality become the prime ruler rather than the heart?  

First of all let me just say that love is the source of infinite life force.  Life force is love, love is life force.  Life force is what makes everything come alive.  It is the breath of the universe and everything within it.  This is why when we feel like we are in love we feel alive, awake, alert and juiced up, because we actually are.  Love, whether for self, other or just as a state of being, brings with it infinite, inexhaustible life force.  It can not because love and life force are one and the same.  

Life force, energy and love are terms that can be used interchangeably.  Life force is the quite literal energy source that powers everything in the universe including your physical body.  It is fairly common knowledge at this point that everything in the universe is energy.  When all matter is broken down into its most basic components all that remains is vibrating energy.  That vibrating energy is life force/love.  Patterns of thoughts, beliefs and perceptions then give shape to that energy and the world of forms that we see with our eyes.

As powerful as our thoughts are in their ability to bring forms to life, they are nothing without the energy source of love to back them up.  Pure, unconditioned love is the most coherent, whole energy source that there is.  When we have thoughts that are fueled by less coherent states of energy, such as fear, rage, or rationality, they are much less efficient or effective and therefore the forms they create are not as optimal, complex or productive.  Less coherent states of energy are simply states of energy that are not as aware of their inherent wholeness.  Love knows it wholeness which is where its extreme power arises.   

Fall from Grace 

Perception of Wrongness

Spiritual conceptual image of a female angelWhen we think about the power of love without being connected with the knowingness of love our power is greatly diminished.  True power does not come from thought alone, but from the intimate acknowledging and resting into love so that its power naturally expresses.  The primarily perception that keeps us disconnected from knowing love intimately is the perception of wrongness.  

When we view through the perception of wrongness we create separation where there is none.  Separation creates a less coherent state of energy because within separation implies a lack of wholeness.  Wrongness means that something must be thrown out of the whole and when that occurs there is less energy/life force available to the system (individual or collective).  Say for example you (or your culture) judge multiple things about yourself, another person, or the environment as wrong.  The more you judge the more you shrink your perspective.  With this comes a sense of confinement and limitation.  Simultaneously the less innately good you feel and the less energy you have available to you.  Manifestation feels more effortful and there is greater disorganization in what gets created. This is a state of decreased coherency where your knowingness of love and ability to utilize the power of love is diminished.  This does not mean that love is actually diminished, but only your perception of it.  Again this happens at individual and collective system levels.  

Perceiving wrongness also brings on both sides of it righteousness and shame.  To defend one’s rightness or hide in one’s shame birth the entire gamut of defensive patterns of self-protection.  This is our fall from grace or love.  This is the imposition of limitation on life force.  This is the disconnection from our power, which is the power of love.   To restore connection and remember the power of love we must dismantle our belief in our own or others wrongness.  To know love rather than think love requires this.  

Love has no boundaries, it penetrates all.  Love brings light to even the darkest dark, to every recess of unconsciousness.  Nothing is brighter than love.  To stand in the radiance of love is to illuminate the entire world.  All healed, all whole, all intimately aware of itself.  From here the purest and most efficiently organized forms of creation are created.  Life force vitalizes all.  This doesn’t happen independently of you, it happens because of you.  At some point we must all surrender to love.  It is inevitable.  We must give away our addiction to less coherent thoughts of wrongness, missing and lack of wholeness, and open our system into greater coherency, full force life force and the power of love.  

Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

Living Surrendered

Living Surrendered 

Distinction of acceptance & surrender

34683163 - beautiful young woman jumping on a giant flowerMany people talk about their “need to surrender” as if its another thing on their to do list to get done that they keep procrastinating.  There’s an idea that surrender is this thing that you do once, or maybe a few times, in regards to a particular situation you find yourself within.  Most think that if they could just surrender or let go then their torment will end.  Within this mode of their thinking there is an inherent sense of powerlessness.  If I could just let go” implies feeling choice-less and thus disempowered.  What many people are pointing to when they say that they need to surrender is really that they want to feel empowered and realize their choice in their situation rather than feeling like a victim of it or like its just happening to them. 

This above described situation is really a call for acceptance rather than surrender.  These terms mean different things though many people use them interchangeably.  Acceptance is accepting what is present.  This means accepting rather than fighting or resisting a situation that is currently present.  Acceptance is accepting what is known, what occurred, or what is here.  If we find ourselves in situations that we don’t fully like, that seem like something we don’t want, or that feel overwhelming or jarring to us, we typically don’t want to accept the situation as it is.  The reason for this not wanting to accept what is, is because underneath all the competent facades and masks that people wear, they feel largely disempowered and incapable of being able to work with what is present.  Due to this underlying feeling of disempowerment there develops an unwillingness to want to accept what is and instead we go into trying to manage or control the situation, or we feel collapsed and helpless about it.  This is how the traditional fight, flight or freeze protective/fear responses show up in our lives and keep us defensive rather than empowered.  

Learning acceptance of what is, is fundamental to feeling empowered and recognizing your choice in whatever situations you find yourself within.  Acceptance, will in a way, force you into experiencing your power.  It opens the door into your capacity to see your choices.  With this we often find ourselves stepping into situations needing to show up differently rather than expecting the situation to change.  This can be uncomfortable, which again is another reason we don’t want to accept what is, but ultimately it is what helps us realize our power and shift our underlying baseline feelings of disempowerment and victimhood.  

True surrendered-ness 

Working as intelligent energy

glittery lightSurrender has become such a popular term yet so few are actually experiencing what it is to live surrendered.  Surrender is not just this thing you do when you are at your whits end, feeling helpless and you don’t know what else to do.  In fact in my experience you must feel pretty empowered and know your worth in order to begin to truly taste surrender.  Surrender is an entire way of being and living.  As acceptance is an end of resistance to the known, surrender is an end of resistance to the unknown.  As acceptance is often a doorway into self-empowerment, surrender is a doorway into self-realization.  Self-empowerment is owning your personal value and worth, where self-realization is knowing yourself beyond the person.  Both self-empowerment and self-realization are important in terms of knowing your ultimate self and being able to live that here in this physical-relational world.  

Surrender requires that we use something beyond thought to navigate life. Rather than think-doing, which is how most people operate, surrendered living requires that we open into emptiness of thought, or empty the known.  Not being in resistance to the known is quite helpful for this and is why acceptance is often a preliminary skill set to living surrendered.  When we empty the known, yet simultaneously have unwavering confidence in the unknown (some people call this faith), then rather than thought moving you, soul moves you.  You could also substitute the words love, light, or god for soul.  It is an essence that is beyond what you as the identified thinker/person know.  In a way that thinker/person gets dis-abled, or unable to be used in its traditional mechanism, and something beyond what you’ve identified as you takes the reigns.  It moves your body-mind, it knows.  It knows exactly what to do without it going through your thoughts to figure it out first.  Your mind is still present its just not running the show in any way whatsoever.  

Living surrendered is to be overtaken by soul, by that intelligent energy-awareness that knows, which is really just you from a wider perspective.  Not everyone truly wants this now, nor is it relevant for everyone at this time.  Yet it is part of the developmental progression of beingness and at some point along the path its relevance will find everyone.  It is ultimately inescapable.  When its relevance does find you and you begin to taste surrender its like living magic.  The need for your mind to figure it all out decreases dramatically.  You realize the limitations of the mind and that you are not it.  You feel less and less separate.  There are no more boxes.  Being with another is like being with yourself.  Your body-mind is just moved.  The more and more your soul consumes you the more you realize that you are it and that you’ve never been this mind-personality-body ever.  You re-identify as soul, light, love, god.  

Things still happen, movement occurs, it is incredibly active and simultaneously still.  The perfect orchestration is revealed moment by moment as there is nothing that has to be other that what is.  There is full relinquishment of any personal agendas or will as you see yourself and know yourself, as soul, as Creator, as the One.  You are submerged in the mystery; willingly, gracefully and lovingly, dancing and moving to its rhythms.  

Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

The universe doesn’t owe you anything

The universe doesn’t owe you anything 

Getting wrapped up in getting

3401bfa7-75eb-4f7f-8110-b3bb9c606dc2This may come as a shock, but the universe doesn’t owe you anything.  This means your partner, kids, parents, friends, the government, social groups, teachers, mentors, clients, employees, employers, waiters, the school system, doctors, lawyers, other drivers on the road, people walking down the street, the person that scans your groceries, etc., don’t owe you a thing.  How often do we go around thinking and behaving otherwise.  We frequently have a mental disposition (that we aren’t even aware that we have) that systems and people owe us stuff.  That we are entitled for people to either give us certain things or act in particular ways towards us, and when they don’t we feel violated, cheated, or not seen.  Some of us express this overtly and others covertly. 

Ask yourself how you would be today if you really expected absolutely nothing from anything or anyone.  Not even expecting things like your blowdryer to work, your iPhone to turn on or your car to start.  What if you really got that nothing is obligated to work and no one is required to act or do in any certain way.  That nothing owes you anything.  First can you imagine how much gratitude you would have for everything, and I mean everything.  Second can you imagine the freedom that everyone in the world would instantly feel as they no longer feel any obligation to be something other then their pure selves.  Lastly can you imagine how much stuff you would have to release and the amount of surrender to the universe (rather than get from the universe) would be required of you.  

Many people have an underlying and often hidden, sneaky thought structure that is always looking for what it will get out of the universe.  It can be something as simple as what you think you will get by taking a class or going to an event or program.  Or what you will get through a project you are creating.  More complex situations like what you will get by being in a particular relationship with someone or having a family, or what you might get from a new job, business or career.  It all seems innocent enough and yet it sets up an expectation, which is always about what some aspect of the universe is giving you.  What would it be like to simply do things without any expectation of any return in any way whatsoever?  What if our entire planet operated this way? 

Giving to the universe 

From get to give

holding galaxy.jpgIf we put no thought into what we might get from the universe we often fear that our basic and social needs won’t be met.  Yet most of us haven’t really experimented to see if that’s true or not.  We’ve been conditioned to believe that the only way we can have all of our needs met is if we get stuff from things or other people.  What if however there is a different way?  What if through changing our disposition to one of giving to the universe we are inherently supported?  What if this is actually how the universe works and is our ticket out of our survival, lack-based, holding onto stuff, trapped in our lives, mentality?

We’ve all at one time or another experienced that feeling of pure giving.   How amazing it feels.  Like we are just emanating ourselves and there isn’t a single thought or concern about anything else except what we are giving ourselves too.  Its like we step into a magical world and everything else disappears.  Its pure beauty and pure love.  I believe that this is the world that we are all made for and that we came here to co-create together.  We’ve simply lost sight of it and replaced it with all the things we are currently experiencing instead of it.  That magical world didn’t go anywhere, its always still here, but you must act in alignment with it in order for it to reveal itself to you.  Meaning you must put yourself in the mental configuration of giving without expectation for any specific return of any kind at all. This is how you embody the fact that the universe owes you nothing.

I’d put my vote on that the universe does indeed work this way, supporting us as we truly give to it.  I’m not talking about obligated giving (meaning “I have to do this to support myself)”, but a true giving of whatever is needed and showing up for that in whatever ways that we can.  I’d also bet that if we made this shift in mental configuration our lives would be a 100% fulfilling and purpose led life rather than a life full of getting things done.  Don’t take my word for it though, experiment.  I’ve always found that the best proof is through self-experimentation.  Replacing expectations with thoughts of “what can I give to this, how can I contribute, what do I have to share” would radically change your reality, pretty much guaranteed.  

That is what I believe it is to be in true service.  To give and simultaneously be rested in knowing that you are supported by this magical world that you are creating.  When you are here no doubts to this knowingness arise.  Support is freely given as you give.

Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

Dropping into confusion

Dropping into confusion 

Opening into the mystery

Brain stressedConfusion is a gift.  When was the last time you embraced it?  Most of us are fighting tooth and nail to do anything and everything possible to not feel confused.  We make up elaborate stories that seem ordinary to us about who we are and the way the world works and then we believe those stories, not ever questioning if they are actually true or not.  Those stories make us feel safe, secure and like we know what the heck is going on.  There is no way in hell we want to ever let those stories go because if we did then what?  What would we know… who would we be… would we be able to stand the pure state of knowing absolutely nothing about anything?  

I have found that almost no one that I’ve ever met enjoys confusion.  It seems as if everyone has a hate relationship with it.  For some confusion seems to makes them feel scared, for others like a failure or worthless, and still others depressed, hopeless and powerless.  There are all kinds of ways we compensate for our lack of knowing and strategies we use to avoid confusion altogether.  Some people keep themselves as busy as possible so that they never have time to notice that they have no idea what’s really going on.  Others get angry, defensive or attempt to prove themselves with whits and smarts when challenged with confusion.  Some attempt to control themselves or their circumstances to no avail.  Many people look outside of themselves to other people to tell them what’s going on, as if some other confused person knows more then they do.  

Pretty much no one stops and revels in the mystery that confusion brings.  Even fewer seem to make it to the pure delight and freedom that allowing complete confusion provides.  Why is it that we grip, tense and try to figure out with our thinking minds everything we sense, feel or experience?  Why is it so hard to simply be, not have a clue, and be ok with not knowing what things, sensations or feelings mean or how to get to the next place?  What if things don’t actually mean anything at all and what if there is no next place to get too?  I invite the perspective here that the purpose of life is not to figure it all out or plot and plan the next phase of it, but instead to simply be and experience it.  

Submerged in the mystery 

Going beyond ordinary

mystery cosmos.jpgWithin the mystery, the not known, lives the non-ordinary.  The non-ordinary is full of aliveness, energy, bliss and total freedom.  Most of us are super hungry for this and are trying to “get there”, but the thing is that our minds don’t know how to navigate within that place, which is why we must get comfortable within confusion.  We must learn how to relax into and with confusion rather than resist it and try to figure it out.  “Figuring it out” will bring us back into the ordinary and although we may have a sense of perceived safety and ok-ness in that, no growth or learning occurs, instead just more of the same ordinariness that is familiar to us.

Confusion always means that you are being presented with an opportunity to grow and learn beyond what you currently have learned you are, yet most people perceive it as an indication that they are lost and moving in the wrong direction.  Rather than seeing confusion as an obstacle that must be conquered or as a sign that you are moving backwards, see it as the most precious gift and an indication of forward movement as that is what it truly is.  Don’t attempt to alleviate it, but instead invite it, include it, allow it.  Open into its pure unknowingness and stay there.  Soak it in.  

Fears may arise.  Doubt may arise.  The need to know may arise.  Simple let it and recognize it as it does.  When you can recognize the fears, doubts and uncertainty you become less merged with them and can further submerge yourself into the mystery of the unknown.  With continued practice and diligence those fears will loosen their grip on you.  It is only through being present in the mystery that the mystery can reveal itself to you.  Use every experience of confusion as an opportunity to dive further into the mysterious unknown as this is the place of magic, wonder and enchantment.  It is where you get to experience yourself beyond what you think you are, beyond your stories, labels and definitions.  For this is the place that is beyond meaning.  It is the place that all the control, tension and gripping in your mind-body keeps you separate from, but which is always here just beyond them.  

Sweetly surrender what you know or have known for that which you don’t yet know, but which you have intuited exists.  For it indeed does exist and can be directly experienced.  There is an intelligence there which knows.  It knows beyond what your mind knows and as you begin to drop into it, it further reveals itself and guides your seeming personal, individuated life and existence.  With this all those things which previously created so much concern and confusion for you dissolve as your perspective is broaden to encompass more of you.  

Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado