Dropping into confusion

Dropping into confusion 

Opening into the mystery

Brain stressedConfusion is a gift.  When was the last time you embraced it?  Most of us are fighting tooth and nail to do anything and everything possible to not feel confused.  We make up elaborate stories that seem ordinary to us about who we are and the way the world works and then we believe those stories, not ever questioning if they are actually true or not.  Those stories make us feel safe, secure and like we know what the heck is going on.  There is no way in hell we want to ever let those stories go because if we did then what?  What would we know… who would we be… would we be able to stand the pure state of knowing absolutely nothing about anything?  

I have found that almost no one that I’ve ever met enjoys confusion.  It seems as if everyone has a hate relationship with it.  For some confusion seems to makes them feel scared, for others like a failure or worthless, and still others depressed, hopeless and powerless.  There are all kinds of ways we compensate for our lack of knowing and strategies we use to avoid confusion altogether.  Some people keep themselves as busy as possible so that they never have time to notice that they have no idea what’s really going on.  Others get angry, defensive or attempt to prove themselves with whits and smarts when challenged with confusion.  Some attempt to control themselves or their circumstances to no avail.  Many people look outside of themselves to other people to tell them what’s going on, as if some other confused person knows more then they do.  

Pretty much no one stops and revels in the mystery that confusion brings.  Even fewer seem to make it to the pure delight and freedom that allowing complete confusion provides.  Why is it that we grip, tense and try to figure out with our thinking minds everything we sense, feel or experience?  Why is it so hard to simply be, not have a clue, and be ok with not knowing what things, sensations or feelings mean or how to get to the next place?  What if things don’t actually mean anything at all and what if there is no next place to get too?  I invite the perspective here that the purpose of life is not to figure it all out or plot and plan the next phase of it, but instead to simply be and experience it.  

Submerged in the mystery 

Going beyond ordinary

mystery cosmos.jpgWithin the mystery, the not known, lives the non-ordinary.  The non-ordinary is full of aliveness, energy, bliss and total freedom.  Most of us are super hungry for this and are trying to “get there”, but the thing is that our minds don’t know how to navigate within that place, which is why we must get comfortable within confusion.  We must learn how to relax into and with confusion rather than resist it and try to figure it out.  “Figuring it out” will bring us back into the ordinary and although we may have a sense of perceived safety and ok-ness in that, no growth or learning occurs, instead just more of the same ordinariness that is familiar to us.

Confusion always means that you are being presented with an opportunity to grow and learn beyond what you currently have learned you are, yet most people perceive it as an indication that they are lost and moving in the wrong direction.  Rather than seeing confusion as an obstacle that must be conquered or as a sign that you are moving backwards, see it as the most precious gift and an indication of forward movement as that is what it truly is.  Don’t attempt to alleviate it, but instead invite it, include it, allow it.  Open into its pure unknowingness and stay there.  Soak it in.  

Fears may arise.  Doubt may arise.  The need to know may arise.  Simple let it and recognize it as it does.  When you can recognize the fears, doubts and uncertainty you become less merged with them and can further submerge yourself into the mystery of the unknown.  With continued practice and diligence those fears will loosen their grip on you.  It is only through being present in the mystery that the mystery can reveal itself to you.  Use every experience of confusion as an opportunity to dive further into the mysterious unknown as this is the place of magic, wonder and enchantment.  It is where you get to experience yourself beyond what you think you are, beyond your stories, labels and definitions.  For this is the place that is beyond meaning.  It is the place that all the control, tension and gripping in your mind-body keeps you separate from, but which is always here just beyond them.  

Sweetly surrender what you know or have known for that which you don’t yet know, but which you have intuited exists.  For it indeed does exist and can be directly experienced.  There is an intelligence there which knows.  It knows beyond what your mind knows and as you begin to drop into it, it further reveals itself and guides your seeming personal, individuated life and existence.  With this all those things which previously created so much concern and confusion for you dissolve as your perspective is broaden to encompass more of you.  

Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

Coherency: Personal & Collective

Coherency: Personal & Collective 

Our individuated field & healing

StarCoherency is a state of unified wholeness.  When something is coherent it is a reflection of it knowing its wholeness.  In essence coherency is a result of knowing your unified nature.  

Lets take just your individuated self for a moment.  To know yourself as whole is to be coherent within yourself and to generate a vibrational field within and around your body that is energized and balanced.  If we view this in relationship to the body we have what we call health.  Each part within the body organism knowing the one larger whole system that it is part of and inseparable with, therefore everything functions in an organized or self-organizing manner.  Intelligence, in this case body intelligence, is expressed through appropriate functioning of the body system.  When one aspect, say an organ, gland, or even a cell,  reflects instead a state of disconnection, it loses its knowingness of its inherent wholeness, and this is what we call this disease.  Then we give it a bunch of fancy names depending on what areas/locations are reflecting this state of disconnection of lack of knowing wholeness.  

We can extrapolate that same idea of coherency to not only our physical bodies, but our emotional and mental bodies as well.  When any aspect of our individuated self doesn’t know itself it can manifest that disconnection within our body, emotions or mind, creating a state of disorganization in whatever aspect of individuated self is affected.  

What we call illness, manifesting in the physical, emotional or mental body, is an attempt at survival of a disconnected aspect of self.  When described in this light illness can be seen as the inherently intelligent response it is, however maladaptive it seems.  It is nevertheless only taking into consideration itself and not the whole because it doesn’t know the whole of which it is a part of.  It’s lost connection to its state of unification and is therefore doing the best it can to survive on its own because it doesn’t know anything else.  Sound familiar? This is the state of being that most of us are living within.  

To bring our bodies, emotions and minds back into health we must become coherent again.  No matter what quick fixes we attempt to use to get ourselves out of crisis, if we don’t address the disconnection of our self from our unified whole nature, then our quick fix attempts will eventually fail, as coherency has not been re-established.  This is the major pitfall of our current health/sick care system.   

Collective coherency 

Group fields & awakening

Mitosis of plasma field with particlesOur planet and the human species is currently in a time of massive transition.  We are shifting from being aware of self as an individuated being into a knowing of our interconnected nature, non-separate from all others.  This transition, and awakening if you will, is bursting our bubbles, ideas, concepts and beliefs about what this human experience and journey is all about.  It is awakening us to our soul body, which is that level of ourselves that is beyond our mental body, that inherently knows its wholeness and interconnectedness.  It has not forgotten nor is it disconnected from itself.  

With this the energies that are awakening are moving us from our current person-centered life, where the focus is about remembering our worth and achieving our dreams and aspirations, into a dimension of experiencing that is about what best serves the collective.  Rather than the individual being the center of our universe, the group or collective becomes the center.  We are just beginning to wake up and realize the strength and power that is found through coming into community and merging our awareness with an entire collective of beings, having access to all the learnings of each being that comprises the group.  This expansion of ourselves from individuated beings into collective beings comes forth through the process of the individual surrendering personal self, through faith and trust, into the mysterious unknown self.  Through this your personal awareness expands into a larger field of self and this is where the creation of coherent group fields comes alive.  

Group fields, such as what gets created during entrainment sessions, give you access to more of yourself.  If there is an aspect of yourself that is disconnected, your awareness of that is more readily available because that which is not in coherence with the larger whole at that level will be more easily seen when the contrast is greater.  Also energy inherently always wants to organize to the most coherent state, so simply being in a more energized, coherent field will amplify and organize your own field.  It is easier in a way to come into individual coherency through the group field effect as long as the group field is coherent.  

This is the next level of our evolution.  Knowing ourselves at the group level and generating coherent collective fields together.  At this point transparency is complete.  Nothing is hidden for there is nothing to hide.  All is known as the love that it is.  Self-protection, under our current understanding of it, is obsolete.  At this point our systems are open to that free exchange of energy and information between beings within the collective of which we are a part.  We recognize our wholeness as the collective, each being knowing its inherent unified state just as the cells of our physical body know this at their level of awareness.  We are no longer identified with the body, emotions or mind.  Our identity shifts to that of the larger, the soul/collective level.  This level of identity is highly impersonal and simply detects benefits and expresses itself as all of creation.  It sees creation as a mirror of itself, no longer separate from anything.  

Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

The veil of forgetting

The veil of forgetting 

Perceived separation from our essence

Curtain from the theatreOne of the prime aspects of being human is that we have forgotten who and what we truly are.  By definition being human in a way requires us to forget our essence so that we can have a particular set of growth experiences that can only be experienced through forgetting.  As frustrating as this feels for us at times, it is part of the grand design of this universe. 

In the “Law of One”, which is a channeled text by a group called Ra, they discuss this as the the veil of forgetting.  All beings who incarnate as humans come underneath this veil so to speak.  So what exactly is this veil?  Essentially as I experience it, it is a veil of separation.  It comes with the experience that I am a separate person, with my own feelings, thoughts, and ideas and because I am separate I must protect myself from other beings.  Now when I use the word “other being” I am not only talking about other people, but I am also talking about sensations, emotions, thoughts and ideas.  Beingness consists of all of these aspects, but generally we ascribe “other being” as another person.  I use a much larger definition here.  We are often protecting ourselves from others emotions, thoughts, sensations, ideas and actions that we perceive could be threat, and when we feel separate, threat is a persistent undertone to all of our experiences.

Within this veil there are also often feelings of being alone, cut off, disconnected, now knowing and wanting some external proof that something larger is orchestrating this universe, call that God or whatever you would like too.  Due to this veil of forgetting or separation we do not know what we are, that our very beinginess is the proof of God’s existence, as we are that.   

So we have this veil of forgetting our essence, so we thus feel like separate individual beings and we perceive threat from other.  This perceived threat, that is based on feeling separate, activates the fight/flight response in our nervous system.  When this get activated all of our resources go towards survival, protection and maintaining safety of our individual self.  The experience of having the fight/flight system activated is often reactive, defensive, anxious and overwhelmed.  


Our agreement to forget

The lessons of separation

Believe it or not, ultimately some aspect of your beingness agreed to have this experience of separation here now on this planet called Earth.  I’ve heard that being incarnated here is described as one of the richest and most sought out opportunities in the universe. Many beings want to come here to accelerate their souls growth and journey as one of the fastest ways is through this forgetting and the intensity of polarization of energies that are present here.  So you are quite fortunate to be here!  

So what are these lessons and why must we forget?  The lessons are unique to each being, but one of the primary global lessons is learning faith and surrendering what we think we know so that we can remember who we truly are.  We have developed these personalities that are very convinced of what they think they are (separate individual beings with names such as John or Mary) and what they know (the labels they have learned for things in the external manifest world).  At some point we come to a place where we realize that most of what we have been taught actually isn’t true and that we really don’t know shit.  We’ve learned to describe and give meaning to things and our sense of self and safety is reliant on those definitions and meanings since we perceive ourselves to be separate beings.  When we can suspend those definitions, even momentarily, we get a taste of truth.  

To have faith and surrender means that we must give up our own agendas, meaning what we think is supposed to be for instead what is to be revealed, the mystery, the unknown.  Now having faith doesn’t mean that you lose your free-will or that you no longer have intentions.  Faith and free-will exist simultaneously, even though they appear to be opposites they are indeed complementary.  You use your free-will to create and dream into being this life you desire and simultaneously let go of what you think it looks like in the manifest form.   

50013666 - girl opening curtains in a bedroomIt is through this learning that you begin to know your connection to something beyond your separate sense of self.  It is through this direct experience that you taste that which orchestrates all of life.  Without this veil of forgetting you would not be able to learn this lesson because you would already know what you are.  Here on this planet is the epic opportunity to learn this thing called faith and surrender.  

Through this learning you begin to penetrate this veil of forgetting and separation and experience your interconnectedness.  Your nervous system is now in allow mode rather than protective (fight/flight) mode and you begin to experience what I call the intergalactic nervous system, which is the way we are all connected through this intricate matrix-web-field of light-love.  

Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

Embracing limitation

Embracing limitation 

Stepping into limited experiencing

20595789 - wall around the girl as the fear conceptWe are often striving to grow, expand, deepen and increase our experience of ourselves.  It is phenomenal that most of us have this hunger.  This hunger is often sparked from a feeling of knowing there is more to existence (life) than we have been experiencing.  This feeling that there is more often comes with the awareness that we are currently experiencing limitation in some way and in response to that feeling we’ve lit a fire inside of us to move through into more.  

The reason this fire gets lit is because the experience of limitation is uncomfortable, frustrating, and annoying.  No one enjoys feeling limitation, so in order to not feel limitation we find ways, places, tools, and the like to move us into feeling less limited and more free.  Being free is our most natural, innate state.  So when limitation arises it contradicts that which we know to be more true, that we are free.

So how do we rest in the knowingness that we are free while simultaneously experiencing limitation?  The key here is in embracing what we perceive to be our limitation.  Now almost no one will readily do this.  This is one of the primary reasons why we have a field of “healing” in the first place.  No one wants to embrace those things or experiences that feel crappy, such as limitation.  Often it feels like we are “going in the wrong direction” if we embrace that which we are trying to change or don’t like, almost like we are inviting it in rather than transforming it.  

The truth is when you embrace you do invite it, but you invite in that which is already there.  Our frustration comes when we don’t invite or include in what is already present.  In that way we resist a part of our experience rather than accept our experience.  We all know that what we resist persists, so what you end up getting is more and more of the experience of limitation or whatever it is you don’t like.   

The other side of embracing limitation

Your free self

What happens on the other side of embracing limitation?  When we are able to drop into receiving what is presenting in our experience the pressure to have to be different subsides, which is experienced as a huge relief to our system.  That thing that we all call “stress” seems to relax.  What is really relaxing is us.  Its through this process of accepting what is that our freedom can begin to be felt and experienced.  We are now free from something about us or in our experience having to be different, better, or changed.  What then arises is a state of presence; we become present.  

Underneath the experience of limitation are the thoughts and beliefs that you are not capable, that something is not possible, or that something is fixed or solid.  None of these beliefs are ultimately true, but they are true to a part of you that is experiencing the limitation.  When that part that is experiencing limitation is felt and allowed its calms down, and rather than it controlling your experience, something else arrives on the scene.  That something else that arrives is experienced as a calmer, stiller, clearer and more aware presence.  That is you, the free you.  

The free you that you truly are never goes anywhere.  It just gets covered up by thoughts, beliefs, concepts and ideas, which confuse you and make you feel like you have no idea what is going on.  Most of us are trying to fix or figure things out from this confused, covered up aspect of ourselves which makes us feel like we are moving in circles and never getting closer to the truth. 

Fallen angel with black wingsIt is only through surrendering to these parts of ourselves, ending our battle with them, that we can move through.  This may feel like failure, like giving up, like losing fight, or like the wrong direction because you are so identified with the part that feels the limitation and so determined to overcome it and not give into it.  If you simply just let this part win, allow the experience of limitation without the fight, I promise you something else will arrive on the scene.  That something else that arrives has always been there its just that its been covered up by the battle to make some aspect of itself different.  When you end the battle now you can perceive this truer aspect of self.  The battle that you create inside is what perpetuates the limitation and continues what feels like the never ending cycle to nowhere.  When you are willing to rest your sword against your own experience your freedom awaits you.  

Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

Operating in the mystery

Operating in the mystery 

The truth of the moment 

32702468 - young woman with lantern walking in dark forestEvery moment is a total mystery.  Whether or not you think you know what the next moment will bring, the truth is that you really don’t.  The mind likes to plan, organize, and structure what will come next.  This gives us a false sense of stability, safety and okness.  In some ways this is important because to live in total not knowing is too terrifying and destabilizing for most people.  While in other ways, to not operate in the mystery at least some of the time, is detrimental to your growth and evolution.

Operating strictly in the mind’s need for sameness, security and stability keeps you rather confined, rigid, and overtime feeling stuck and not present in your day to day life.  When this happens your mind is running its own script over what is really true, which is the unknown or the mystery.  You can identify if your mind is running its own script if you find yourself not in the moment of what you are engaged in doing and instead thinking about what happened yesterday, when your “day will be over”, what you will have for dinner or the plans you have tomorrow, next week or next month.

Even if your past experiences or future plans excite you, your focus on them can rob you of the present moment that is here and now and also create the illusion that things will happen in a specific sequence or certain way.  What you think does become your reality, even if that reality isn’t necessarily the truth.  One of the many pitfalls of this “mind created reality” is that you get so fixated on what you’ve planned that you actually begin to believe that that is the way it is supposed to be.  Then when things don’t turn out how you believe they were supposed to turn out you feel upset, sad, angry, bummed, frustrated or like something is out of alignment.  None of those feelings are bad, in fact they are normal, but what often happens is people turn to blame or shame and get fixated on what they think should have happened instead of what IS happening.  In that moment you lose your connection to the mystery, synchronicity and wonder of life and momentarily stop seeing the magic of the moment until you can rest in and embrace the mystery again.

Finding comfort in the unknown

Requirements for living in the mystery

There are a few skills to learn that are pivotal for being able to operate in the mystery and getting more comfortable with the unknown.  Those are the skills of faith/surrender and not knowing.

The first skill is “not knowing”.  So much throughout our ordinary life we are taught to know things.  We label, define and giving meaning to everything we perceive.  These are skills we learn starting the day we are born and they fall under the category of “knowing”.  Not very often do we practice “not knowing”.  To practice not knowing means that we have to momentarily suspend our thoughts, meanings and definitions of things that we perceive.  For example instead of opening your kitchen cabinet, looking inside of it and saying in your mind “these are dishes”, allow yourself to not define or label what you see.  You can do this with people in your life as well.  Instead of looking at your spouse and saying/thinking “this is Tom or Jill” and laying on top of them all of the qualities you think they possess, allow yourself to simply see them without any labels or definitions.  You may be surprised to see how things and people begin to seem and respond  differently when you stop defining them in a certain way.

The second skill is faith (aka surrender).  Yes faith is a skill and one that we are running out of time to learn on this planet.  The veils that separate us from source, love, or our inseparability-oneness are becoming thinner and thinner, and soon our full connection will be re-established.  Once those veils are lifted the lessons of faith will become obsolete as we will be in full remembrance, but until then faith is essential to learn.

Faith is trusting in something bigger than you that you have no proof exists; the unknown and unseen.  To some this may seem religious, but faith does not need to solely fall underneath religion.  It is simply trusting in the support that something is orchestrating and intelligently designing life, so you don’t have to call every single shot.  You develop faith by loosening your grips of control.  This could look like making a “hard” decision, perhaps one that you have some doubt about, and instead of thinking about all the possible scenarios that could or could not happen from having made this decision, you let go of the mental constraint, and trust that it will work out perfectly no matter how it works out.

Faith/surrender and not knowing are in some ways the easiest skills to learn because instead of requiring us to DO something to learn them, they require us to STOP doing, thinking and allow.  This is contrary to what most of us think as “learning”.  Someone once said that “all learning is unlearning” and that couldn’t be more true than here now and in learning how to operate in the true mystery of life.

Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

The gift of chronic illness

The gift of chronic illness

Illness as a way to get you out of your personal bubble 

Most people’s biggest fear about chronic illness or pain is that its presence won’t allow them to live the life they want.  In essence they will miss out, experience less joy and die without having lived, learned, contributed or shared what they wanted too. The first thing that I will say is that the last sentence that I wrote cannot possibly ever be true. To believe that it can be true is what actually creates suffering for you, not the pain/illness itself, which most people think is the cause of their suffering.

By your mere existence you are already complete.  This may sound like new age nonsense to some people, but I invite you for just a few seconds to entertain it.  How does it feel to you when you think about how much you still need to learn and achieve and how you might never get to do it?  Feels like crap, right.  Ok now how does it feel to know that you are  already complete as you are right in this moment and as your life unfolds it does so in the perfect timing and rhythm?  Feel more relaxed, easeful, and less like you’re in a pressure cooker that is about to fail or explode?

15431914 - caucasian man hold soap bubble with different peopleWhat is chronic illness trying to tell you? Long story short, to get out of your personal bubble that says that the limited perspective that you can see through your tiny little lens is the best perspective for the course of your life. It may be and it may not be.  We can become very narrow minded in our thinking about what our life is supposed to look like and therefore try to control and negate other possibilities when they present themselves.  The gift of illness is in its ability to course correct us so that we can learn something that is even more important for our growth and evolution then our personal will-determined path can see.

Living the gift of illness  

Surrendering your mind’s limited perspective 

empty handsWhen you surrender your minds idea of what your life should be or look like only then can you begin experiencing more of who and what you really are. True knowing and power comes only through surrender, not through force, efforting and control. Most people get this on some levels however still continue with the “force equals power and more of what I want” path. This is because we have been taught for thousands of years that we have relatively little power (conditioned powerlessness) and to make a difference we must do a lot of work.  Surrender has not been seen as something that can accomplish anything and in fact has not really been in our vocabulary except under the category “what weak people do”.  The way to true power has thus been associated in our mind with weakness, hence the reason we continue to fight, effort and will our way through life.

Surrender, humility, and not knowing are some of the “strongest” states of being.  They open you to novelty and lift the veil of separation between your ordinary self (you in your personal little mind perspective bubble) and your extraordinary self (infinite, uncharted territory of being).  When you believe you know who and what you are you limit  yourself, your life, and become frozen in time in a concept of yourself instead of experiencing more of yourself and what you are.

15289378 - different people on soap bubbleSurrendering into something larger again is not weak, in fact, it is the opposite.  Those brave enough to not know, not be convicted, and humble enough to be empty so that they can be taught, led, and guided will have access to new levels and ways of knowing.  Chronic illness/pain has the capacity to break us down so that something else can get in.  We are taught to fight and resist it and not let it take our life as we know it.  I invite you to entertain the possibility that its very purpose is to take your life as you know it, and alchemize it so that you can know yourself beyond what you know now.  Through surrender you become privy to the universe’s secret power and transcend your bubble of personal will, which allows you access into a larger collective of knowingness, expanded perspective and seeing the interconnectivity of all of life which you are part of, instead of as a separate being fighting a battle against illness.

Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado