At the onset of this New Year I picked a “word for the year” and that word was transparency. It was the essence of what I wanted to put my focus on developing. Becoming transparent. I did not fully grok where this teaching would take me or what would unravel through it, but I will share some of what I have discovered and I hope it will be of service to your journey.
My primary inspiration for focusing on transparency was my lifelong pursuit (aka obsession) to be as clear and undistorted of a channel for light-love to move through me, as me, for others. This has always in some way or other been the driving force of my existence. Over the years I’ve kept the question in the forefront of my awareness as to how I can surrender more, get more out of the way of that which wants to express through me, while unconsciously separating “myself” and “that which comes through me”. This is subtle but a very important distinction. I realized that for the most part “I” meaning my mind and who I think I am has been misidentified, thinking it is this body and this personality. Thus perpetuating separation of “me” and that which is all knowing, light, love, grace, goodness, god. I mean after all who am I to be so arrogant to think I am that! This was the underlying message I told myself, consciously or not, and brought me to first fundamental learning of transparency. Knowing your worth.
Knowing your worth
Many of us realize that one of our core “woundings” is feeling or believing that we are not worthy. Worthy of love, life, or existence. There are subtle messages we tell ourselves that we are not deserving of x, y or z. We often disguise this as being practical and saying for example “its not practical for me to buy that house I really want” or “that person is out of my league”. Knowing your worth requires that you discover where these little messages hide out in your mind and bringing them to the surface to be seen, accepted and allowing them to transform through your acknowledgment of them.
Another way this can be seen is by how much value we have for what we share of ourselves. The more real or raw we become the more this can be seen. As we become less and less protected, we begin to “share ourselves” more than sharing of a thing such as a product or service or giving/doing out of duty, obligation or necessity. We are then confronted with the value mirror, which most people run like hell from because it often reflects the belief that we have nothing of value to really give because we are inherently empty. This “emptiness” occurs because we have not yet realized who and what we truly are. We are still believing we are this personality and image we try so hard to attain and then maintain, however that is not truth and therefore is devoid of any real substance.
For some this can feel like rock bottom, or like the rug got pulled out from under their life and they can barely catch their breath. For others this is the beginning of bliss because finally they can stop pretending and putting up fronts and begin to realize more truth. How you perceive it is really up to you and your previous conditioning and life experiences, however it will eventually lead to the same realization, which is that the emptiness is filled with light and light is you. Its who/what you actually are. You are the light that fills the form you call your body. You are the light of awareness which creates all things. You are both creator and created. Everything is of the same fabric, which is love-light, and that fabric is you.
I realized through my journey in becoming transparent that I am light. It is not just something that I channel or am getting out of the way of. It is what I am. I’m certain that there are realizations even beyond this, but this is what embodying transparency taught “me”. So what does it take? It starts with determination and discipline to be present with all expressions of you as they arise and acceptance of what is even if you don’t like it. This process will soften your defenses so that more of what is not you falls away, the layers that cover up what is underneath get peeled back and more of the light shines through. As this occurs separation between “you” and the light dissolves. You merge with that which is already you.
Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado