LET EVERYTHING HAVE IT’S EXPERIENCE
Ending the battle of proving your worth
Imagine what it would be like to not interfere with experience whatsoever. What I mean by this is to allow whatever shows up to show up without you medleying, intervening, changing, or improving it at all. Having zero thoughts about it and instead just simply experiencing it. For some of you this might feel impossible, like a fantastical dream that no one can possible live in. You might also notice that you have judgments or stories about what living in such a way would mean about you, such as that perhaps you don’t care, you’re lazy, you’re not in reality, too many things need you to show up in a certain way, nothing will get done, no progress will be made, etc.
The truth is that until you can get to the point where you can simply allow everything to have its experience, even if it feels devastating or someone is freaking out about something, you don’t actually know what its like to be present and truly be of service which is a natural expression of presence. It is not until you get to this place that you know what rested freedom is and the awareness that you know everything you need to in any moment reveals itself. It is also through landing here that you are finally rested in your own self-worth which arrives through the humility of ending your projected agenda onto experience.
If this is all indeed the case then why do we not end our efforting with experience right now. Why do we continue to feel that we must do something to what already is? The number one culprit is our feelings of lack of self-worth which come with attempts to prove our worth through shifting experience. Due to the fact that putting on the cloak of perceived lack of self-worth is one of the human garments we tend to cloth ourselves with when we incarnate, we find strategies (consciously or not) to prove that we are worthy and to have personal purpose, value or meaning. This most often comes through accomplishing something, making something different, or getting someone to feel a certain way in which they approve of or like us for. Through this we give ourselves the permission slip to feel good about ourselves and we get a sense of individual value or worth. The downfall of this strategy is that when we don’t accomplish, make different, or people don’t feel good in their interactions with us or we perceive we can’t make them feel a certain way, then our self-worth again plummets. True self worth cannot be found through interfering with or manipulating experience no matter how well intentioned it may be. It can only be derived through the full acceptance of the experience just as it is and the recognition that what you think about it doesn’t matter one bit. This opens you into humility where you can actually see what is rather than your projection of what you think is. This enables you to be of true service, and the humility that is a natural effect of suspending the significance of your own thought projections is the birthplace of unconditional, inherent worth that requires nothing of you.
SURRENDERING TO NOT ENOUGH
Death of the ego
How ok are you with not needing to do anything, or be anything in particular, or having any particular outcome appear? Most people are not very comfortable with this, with simply being without agenda. Though they might enjoy it for a weekend retreat or workshop, when they come back to their everyday life, being is viewed as a luxury and not a priority. And truth be told even if we are at a weekend workshop or retreat we are often trying to get something out of the experience rather than simply be and experience. We compartmentalize doing from being because it comes back to this fundamental issue of self-worth and feeling like we have to earn our keep somehow. Deserving to be without anything, without progress, without accomplishing, without change, is simply not in our vernacular.
I have found that there is no real way to get the ego to accept its worth. Even all of the achieving, production and glorification in the world won’t do it. Its entire premise is built upon this core underlying lack belief, that somehow it is not enough. When we misidentify as the ego it then means that we perceive we are not enough and hence the strategy of not allowing experience to be as it arrives on the scene and we can only feel good if we are doing something about it. The only way to end this battle of lack of self-worth and resistance to certain experiences is by surrendering to your own feeling of lack of self-worth. Accepting that this is so, that you feel like you are not enough. It is the only way to get over yourself. If you do not accept this you will continue to attempt to fight it by finding all the ways to prove that you are worthy through manipulating experiences (which includes other people’s reactions to you), while underneath it all continuing to feel unworthy, and your life will feel effortful as you swim upstream.
I will just say that your ego will hate this like nothing else because it means game over for it. To surrender to not enough means that most everything you think is so important is not and every way that you derive self-worth from your experiences comes to a screeching halt. In accepting your own sense of unworthiness you’ve taken away the fuel source for the ego to perpetuate itself along with all of its compulsory actions to prove itself. The more identified you are as your ego-personality the more this will feel painful and like you are dying, because in a way you are. However do not fear as it is only the illusionary self that is dying and through this death process you come to know the real you that is beyond this made up you. The real you is the you that is inherent worth in and of itself. With nothing any longer to prove, you are free to just be. To just be you without having to make anything different. You are free to be present to experience just as it is. Now you are in true service, true alignment, with everything that is and with the creator, God, Source, Love.
No longer perceiving error, wrongness or lack is now the natural way that you see when die to trying to make experience different than it is. Your vision opens for the first time and everything looks glorious even if the same appearances are in your visual field. Action still arises, naturally, organically and effortlessly. Each movement, behavior, thought, feeling, sensation and impulse being informed as directly from God, Source, Love. There is seamlessness. No you and other, just one continuous awareness. One indivisible, unified is-ness, beingness. Your experience is simply beingness in action and you find there is nothing to do about it, but only to be and play within it. Play in the natural expression and reflection of Love in its infinite myriad of forms.
Dr. Amanda Hessel, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado