FEEL GOOD NO MATTER WHAT
Moving past the indirect approach
The “thing” that most all of us want is to feel good. We might think that we want this thing or that thing, but that is only because we think that this or that thing will give us the state of feeling good. This is an indirect approach. The obvious truth is that its not the thing that brings us the good feelings, it is instead our choice to allow the thing to shift our feeling state. Now even though the fact that we are in charge of our feeling state is relatively obvious I’m certain to get lots of objections about this as we often don’t like to take full responsibility for how we are feeling. If we did people would move through their emotional rollercoaster ride with more ease and grace and less blame, shame, attack, repression and hatred of self or other. With that feelings would be no big deal rather than the seeming crisis they seem to be for many.
I’m a believer that our natural state is that of feeling good. Anything that does not feel good is added to our natural state of being. What I mean by that is that if we do not feel good it is because we have somehow agreed to believe something that isn’t fully true. We’ve added something on top of our natural good feeling self. We all know truth. This knowing is innate. Truth always feels best, even if it sometimes stings or we don’t like it. We would much rather have people be forthright than lie to us, to be in the know rather than left out of it. The same is true for inner truths. When we lie to ourselves by believing something to be true that isn’t the result is that we feel bad. When we create a story whose tagline is about how horrible we are or how awful something is, we will always feel bad, because it simply isn’t true.
So here come the objections. What about murder, rape, sickness, pain, death, abuse, violation, and loss of anything in general, how is one supposed to feel good about that? I am not suggesting that you must feel good about any of those things, however I will say that when people feel good about themselves and about life many of things either do not occur or if they do occur (like the inevitability of death) our experience of them is radically different. For example we don’t go out and murder, rape or abuse someone when we feel good about ourselves. Harming self or others is simply not on our radar when we feel good. I would also venture to say (obviously hypothetically) that when we feel authentically rested in a state of feeling good, we would probably stop manifesting sickness and disease in our individual and collective body. I would also say that when we feel good, loss seems much less traumatic. Maybe a relationship ends or we loss our job or even lose a loved one, there is a normal grieving time, but there isn’t inner suffering about the loss. Grief is simply the process of releasing of what was and does not have to come with suffering. Suffering always comes when we feel that whatever happened was wrong or bad.
WELCOME INNER CONTRADICTION
Working through objections
Even though feeling good may feel contradictory at times I can absolutely guarantee you that you will move through whatever is occurring in your life with greater ease and grace if you do. So I say welcome the contradiction in yourself and test out the theory. How can you feel good about something that you have been perceiving as feeling bad? Maybe your partner just gave you some news you didn’t like, or a sales call or job offer fell through, or you’ve had persistent painful sensation in your back for weeks, how can you take one of those things and shift your feeling state towards it? This is your homework. Test it out and see how it works.
Now because we have so many objections to choosing to feel good (crazy I know, but true) here are some more things that arise. Some of you might say well if I feel good about a “bad” situation then I allow or invite the situation and it keeps manifesting. First off I would say the situation already is, so your choosing to feel good about it or to not feel good about it is not going to change that fact. Secondly I would also say that when you feel good you naturally manifest things into your life that are in alignment therefore you do not have to worry about generating more of what you don’t want. You only manifest what you don’t want when you feel bad.
Others of you might say isn’t this spiritual bypassing? It depends. It’s spiritual bypassing if you don’t authentically choose feeling good. What I mean is if you pretend to feel good, but you don’t actually feel good then you are a fraud and doing a half ass job. You must do it completely otherwise you are bypassing because after all bypassing is simply being inauthentic, pretending to be or feel something you aren’t/don’t and staying conceptual rather than embodied in your knowing. What I am suggesting is that you fully embody feeling good, don’t just think about it, let every cell in your body feel and know it. I am also not suggesting that you repress emotions that are alive for you. Believe it or not you can be in the midst of extreme discomfort, whether physically or psychologically, and still access feeling good. It does not have to be an either/or, but rather a yes/and.
Still some of you others might say if I don’t stay mad or angry how will people learn when they do something I don’t like. Yes feelings of anger and frustration can be used to set boundaries, however we must simultaneously state to the other person what works for us and what doesn’t work for us. I find that the anger and frustration we feel is typically not at the person, but instead at a behavior we don’t like or prefer (this is true for ourselves as well). We tend to misdirect our anger onto the person rather than using the anger to say to ourselves “hey something isn’t working for me and I need to change it.” I need to state my needs, wants or preferences and set guidelines for certain behaviors that are and aren’t acceptable for me.” This is taking responsibility for what you feel which is a healthy use of emotions and their intended purpose. Emotions are not meant to be felt over and over indefinitely. They are meant to be felt and propel us into action that is in alignment with us.
Holding onto feeling bad does not generate feeling good. To feel good we have to change our feeling state. The addiction to feeling bad is strong. It’s a hell of a program, but we can decondition ourselves and rewrite a new one. It really boils down to asking yourself what you really want and what serves. Do you want to feel good or feel bad? Is there benefit in remaining to feel bad? Perhaps there is because there is something you need to change. Make the required change as quickly as possible and then come back into alignment with your natural state of feeling good. The bottom line is don’t let the situation decide for you either way. You decide. You choose. It is 100% in your power to do so.
Dr. Amanda Love, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado