PLAYING PATTERNS

PLAYING PATTERNS 

The matrix of creation

We all have patterns that we play out.  Patterns are strategies and ways of being that we’ve learned throughout our life in order to function and survive as a human being.  Patterns are not bad or good, they are simply what we’ve learned.  I’d say the majority of the population is not even aware that they operate utilizing learned patterns, but rather they believe that they are their patterns.  The bigger gestalt of our patterns make up our personality, which is often how we view ourselves or how others view us.  Without any patterns we would simply be what we are, which is pure awareness or love-light without conditioning.  Love-light is the substratum for all patterns or conditions to arise up out of.  There can be an intuitive knowing of this or a felt sense of what we are, yet largely most of us are identified as our personalities, aka as our patterns.  

It is rare for someone to completely see through the patterns that are present in themselves or in another, and to recognize what might be called the true Self or the love-light that is the essence.   However when true Self is glimpsed or seen by self or by other self, the effect we experience is bliss, joy, rapture or an opening into love because that is our natural state.  This direct experience or knowing of the Self is what spiritual seekers often aim to achieve through meditation and through other various healing practices.  

Being without patterns allows us to taste, see, and remember ourselves, and to experience our boundless or free state.  This is why so many seekers aim to un-condition themselves from the learning they have learned, from the personality they’ve adopted and from the bound configurations of energy that seem to interfere with their knowing or seeing of themselves.  Again patterns are not good or bad, they simply are, and they provide or lay the template for the experiences we have of life and for the ways in which we perceive life to be.  

Ultimately what patterns do, is distort the light from its pure essence and allow it to configure into different expressions, which gives us the infinite myriad of forms and experiences throughout this universe.  Patterns are what we call creation.  You can see the organization of patterns inside of any form, which allow it to express as it does.  What is pivotal to know is that you are not the pattern (ie. the distortion that light takes on), but rather that you are the light.  You are a priori to the pattern, the “Patterner” itself.   

PURPOSE OF PATTERNS 

Understanding relevance & readiness to shift

All patterns serve a purpose.  They all have relevance, which is why they exist.  If they didn’t serve you or serve the creator (which is you), they would not be.  Patterns seem to have a developmental life span.  Some patterns will exist over the course of your entire human lifespan, or start previous to it or go beyond it, if the patterns are foundational to why it is you exist or the lessons you came here to learn/share.  Other patterns will run their course and you will stop finding benefit in them and thus extinguish them from your distortion/pattern make up.  

As people are on a their seeking journey they often desire to shift up some of their patterns because they don’t like the experiences that they offer.  Perhaps you have a pattern that you feel blocks you from something you want to experience, which has created a hunger in you to dismantle that patterning within your energetic matrix.  That hunger becomes the energy source for you to investigate, see through and to be ready to dismantle the pattern.  Sometimes we feel done with a pattern, but it isn’t done with us.  Meaning we want to resolve something inside of us, but their is still learning or relevance in us experiencing/sharing the effects of that pattern.  People frequently feel frustration around this process as they want their experience to be different than it is and yet it persists.  If a pattern persists it is because you continue to find benefit in it.  You may or may not be aware of what that benefit is, but it is a worthwhile inner investigation to find out.  There are also situations where there is a larger benefit of the pattern remaining, which you can’t currently see from the perspective from which you are viewing.  Sometimes you can zoom your awareness out to see from a larger perspective and at other times the veiling of knowing why the pattern continues to exist is part of the learning for you.  

As much as anything can be accelerated or slowed down, which are both aspects of the illusion we call time, there can be an amplification of readiness in the system to move through and beyond a pattern.  I find that frequently our readiness and the penetrating through of a pattern happens in layers that work up to a final resolution.  When we are in the layers, sometimes rather than seeing progress inside of them, we view failure that we haven’t reached complete resolution.  I mention this in case you find yourself feeling like you have worked a pattern “forever” and haven’t found resolution of it yet.  First of all this human lifespan is incredibly short so its unlikely that you have worked it “forever”, but only what maybe seems like forever to you.  Two, its ok if the patten isn’t resolved yet.  If you simply permission that for yourself, I can promise you that you will resolve the pattern with much more ease and grace than you perhaps knew possible.  

In summary know that you are playing out patterns, but that you are not the pattern itself.  Patterns serve a purpose and function, which is why they exist.  Patterns can absolutely be resolved by you and through you once their relevance for your life theme, experience, learning and sharing has ran its course.  Know that the interplay of light and form is the play of creator and creation expressing infinite expressions, and try not to take your experience too seriously.   

Dr. Amanda Love, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

STABLE BEING

STABLE BEING 

Unaffected by the storm

Many of us desire stability in our state of being.  To feel good, relaxed, rested, while being attentive, present and aware.  To not get caught, pulled or hung up on the things of life.  It can seem at times that we are constantly getting drug down in one way or another by the stuff of life, all the doings, details and coming and goings.  It can feel like a mystery as to how to be stably rested despite all of the physical and mental activity that ensues.  

One of the prime awarenesses that we must develop of ourselves is how ahead of ourselves we get.  When our to do lists get long, our activity calendars get filled up, or life is a seeming crazy, chaotic mess we often get swept into the furry.  We are no longer the eye of the storm, but become part of the storm itself.  We leave our center behind us and focus on some illusionary future that has yet to come into existence outside of our thinking about it.  Our experience becomes one of unstable, frantic exhaustion as we are attempting to keep up the pace with what we think the pace should be.  

Most of the time when we are in the storm we don’t even realize that we’ve lost our center.  We only know that we feel tired, disconnected, not joyful or not as present as we would like to be.  We are on the treadmill of life trying to get to some destination, working up a ginormous sweat, but never actually going anywhere.  We also don’t realize, from the perspective of the storm, that we are choosing our experience.  Rather we feel that our experience is happening to us and that there is nothing that we can do about it.  We therefore spend a lot of time and energy not being at peace.  Constantly wanting things to be done, different, better, or somehow other than they are.  This underlying desire to arrive, for some semblance of organization, peace, rest or completion, propels us in this seeming forward aiming direction from beginning to end.  It is a tireless journey, particularly if our focus is on getting any part of it done and over.  

In order for us to find stability of being we must ultimately become unaffected by the storm.  The degree to which we are affected by the storm is the degree to which we will be unstable in our state of being.  Many people like to go on the ride, get charged up, take stances, fight causes, be right, not give up what we think we want, not feel defeat or disappointment, not feel un-resolve, and on and on.  The result is that we are often off center, not really present and feel like we are the wave that comes up and crashes down rather than realizing we are the water that makes up the wave.  If we realized we are the water, that we are the substance that makes up the wave to begin with, we would be at much peace and resolve.    

MAKING PEACE WITH EVERYTHING 

Not minding what happens

One of my favorite quotes comes from Jiddu Krishnamurti and it goes, “Here is my secret: I don’t mind what happens.”  If you really take this quote in, you will see just how far reaching it is.  You will also discover all of the places where you do mind what happens and hence all of the places that will take you out of your center, stable being.  See when we decide, think or insist that something be other than it is or be any particular way at all we suffer.  It is really that simple.  Suffering is a state of being, which most of us do not prefer.  In fact the preferred state of being for most is connectedness.  However due to the fact that most do not want to let go of what they think they want or desire, they by default choose to be unstable in their state of being.  They choose to be swayed, to be pulled, to be the wave rather than the water.  

What would your life and world experience be like if you made peace with everything right now?  I am not suggesting that you don’t feel what you feel, but rather that you make peace with whatever it is you feel.  I am not suggesting that you don’t have desires, but rather that you find peace with whatever your desires want to look like.  Without making peace with what is here now in this moment you will be hijacked by your thoughts and feelings that want it to be different.  

People think they want stable being.  In fact I’d say this is the crux of the spiritual journey, but what I’ve found that most really want is life to feel and look like what they want it too.  They want this rather than peace now, because they falsely believe that when life feels and looks like they want it to then they will be happy and experience a sense of perfect completeness.  I am pretty certain that as an experience this never arrives at some future place, but yet we are persistent in believing that it does.  We think it couldn’t possibly be found inside the mess we currently perceive things to be, but only in the perfect, clean clarity that lives elsewhere.  This is why we are all on this treadmill, going nowhere, but trying really hard to get somewhere.  

What would it take for you to make peace now?  What would be required?  This is important to ask yourself and to know what stands in between you and peace, or in between you and stable being.  Through asking yourself this question you will begin to see that you are in charge of your state of being.  It is not dependent on any circumstances or conditions.  It doesn’t matter what is going on in the world at large, in your relationships, in your inner world, in your body, on how much sleep you had, what food you ate or anything else.  Your state of being is dependent only on your choosing of it and your willingness to not mind what happens.  Here you will find stable state of being.  You will be unmoved by the stuff of life and will be responding only to your own inner alignment and choice for peace and presence now.  Your experience of life is then rested wakeful presence and attunement with this moment.  

Dr. Amanda Love, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration

LET YOUR WILD THROUGH

LET YOUR WILD THROUGH 

We all have wild in us

Let’s face it, most of us are living less than fully expressed.  We confine and conform ourselves to society’s standards, our friend’s and family’s exceptions, and our own thoughts about who we think we are and who we think we’re not.  There is such hunger for many to live expressed, to freely share themselves, to be their calling, which is simply just being themselves.  Yet despite this hunger that many have, the conforming, the placating others and the dimming down of ourselves wins the show.  Our fears of non-acceptance, non-love, and non-belonging outshine in our psyche and we bow down to the illusions of such realities.  

We all have wild in us.  That wild expresses differently, but we all have it.  If you have any doubts about this I give you full permission to erase them.  There is a fire that birthed us all and that spark never left us, it only got covered up.  Expressing yourself and letting your wild through doesn’t need to look any specific way.  You don’t need to run around looking crazy, or be seen by many, or save the world, though you can, all that is perfectly valid.  However what is required is that fear doesn’t run the show of your life.  That you choose your actions, your words, your expressions and your ways of being based on your own integrity and not what the world or even the thoughts in your own head tell you.  The only reference point that gets a say in living wild is your heart.  

The primary pitfalls that lead to a muted life are wanting approval by others, fearing we will hurt somebody by being ourselves and thinking that we are right from our current vantage point.  1: You will never be approved by all.  It just won’t happen.  It’s best to accept that one as quickly as possible.  Some will like you and some won’t.  Its ok to not be liked.  2: You being you is not going to hurt someone else or take anything away from them.  Each being is responsible for their own perspectives and it’s not your responsibility to navigate that for them.  It is their free will to believe and see as they do.  I am not saying don’t be kind, caring or attuned to others, but I am saying don’t allow someones else’s development or lack there of, decide who you are.  3: Being wild has nothing to do with being right.  The louder, more aggressive personality doesn’t win in wildness.  Rightness is still conforming, it’s conforming to your own perspective.  The only perspective I have ever had inside of wildness is love for all.  Not even my own mind’s ideas count or have credence.  There is an intelligence beyond your thoughts.  The gateway into is your heart.  Choosing love for every single expression lets you in. 

FINDING YOUR FULL EXPRESSION 

Being all of you

Now most of us have built up a lot of layers.  Layers of mental defense, layers of repressed feelings, and layers of bodily protective patterns.  It can sometimes seem like there is a lot in the way, and there is some truth to that.  Most people really don’t even know just how much is in the way of their wildness, or said another way, of their purely authentic being.   They only know that maybe they don’t have as much energy as they would like to have, or they don’t feel as good as they would like to feel in their body, or they can’t seem to find their purpose or drive in life.  These are the ever so frequent side effects of being covered up underneath a lot of layers.  

The good news is, is that the layers are not as solid as you think they are and the energy that configures them into their particular patterns can be reconfigured.  Nothing is permanent and nothing is broken.  Instead all is simply functioning and behaving/expressing itself based on the perspectives that keep it in place.  Yes everything seen and experienced is perspectives that have materialized.  There is no separate material independent from the perspective that holds it into place.  This again is good news because you are perceiver of your perspectives (conscious or not) and therefore, it is within your power and your free will to shift your perspectives at any moment you so choose.

Your wildness will always be more playful and less serious than your ordinary self.  Your wild one knows more than you do right now.  In fact to really let the wild one through at some point you must stop using thought as your primary means of knowing and open your mind into the space or dimension beyond thought.  Surrendering to not knowing is required to penetrate the layers of the mental defense.  I won’t lie, the wild one can seem crazy at times.  Crazy at least to our ordinary thinking mind and the way it sees life.  The intensity of love that our wild ones are can obliterate a thousand limited perspectives in a second.  It can tear apart your distorted ways of thinking and being in one breath.  It can consume you with overwhelming love in a heartbeat.  It can course through your physical form like a tsunami.  The wild one will bring you to your edge and it may even throw you off.  

See your wild one is not personal.  It doesn’t care much at all about your personal life.  The details of you as a separate individual, living a seemingly separate life don’t matter much to it.  It cares only about one thing, and that is that all knows itself and remembers itself as one love.  Perhaps the seeming de-personalization is off putting to you and that is totally great.  I can only share that from my experience it is so absolutely refreshing to be able to see that all of stuff and things I’ve placed so much worry, concern and thought into really don’t matter at all.  When you are there with your wild one, the levity and delight of seeing this feels nothing short of miraculously freeing.   

If it resonates I invite the wild one in you to come forth, out of the shells of conformity, flattening, and mundane reality.  Express yourself, be seen as different, unique, crazy, weird and wild.  Let what you are be known and shared.  The effects are more far reaching than you can imagine.  

Dr. Amanda Love, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

NO WHERE TO NOW HERE

NO WHERE TO NOW HERE 

Stop trying to go somewhere

It’s curious where we are all trying to get.  Seems like there is always somewhere to go, some other destination to arrive at and some other experience to be gotten to already.  We live in this forward trajectory of next and next and next, while never realizing that we are living our former next now and that the nexts will keep coming indefinitely.  To pause our focus on what’s next and be where we are now seems trivial, mundane or as if its lacking something that we must get.  

One must wonder what fuels this quest to get something or somewhere other than where we are.  If we really just cut to the chase here, all trying to get somewhere other than where we are (which is impossible by the way) is rooted, fueled and motivated by a perception we have of lack.  We believe that something is not in our experience that should be or that we want to be in our experience.  So we attempt to fulfill that seeming void that we perceive.  That lack could be of anything.  Perhaps it’s lack of happiness, lack of feeling good, lack of freedom, lack of movement, lack of connection, lack of resources, lack of money, lack of love, lack of purpose and on and on.  

I promise you that however tempting and true it may seem that what you are looking for exists somewhere else, it does not.  There is nothing that exists “over there” that doesn’t also exist here now.  If we take it a step further there isn’t even really an “over there” or anything other than now.  Try to find proof that something outside of now exists.  To find proof you would somehow have to prove that you could be other than existence, essentially that you could not exist.  Try to not exist, to not be, to not is, to not be here and let me know how it goes and if you find success.  

There is only now happening and now is all that ever happens.  To live this is to be in eternal peace.  This is the end of resistance and of all getting, striving, attaining, moving towards, and progress.  To not fight with where you are, which is now and to not fight what is, relaxes everything inside of you and therefore your experience relaxes as well.  When now is recognized and received you work inside the moment, with creation, with the unfolding, rather than as a separate object that is trying to get somewhere else or to the next thing.  Experiences and appearances continue to move and change, but there is no more trying to get things to change.  You are, all is, and this moment which is all moments, can be nothing other than fully perfect and complete.  No lack.  Nothing missing.  No where to go or get.  All remembers and sees what it is and that nothing ever left itself.   

LETTING EVERYTHING GO 

Release all wanting of things to be different

Let everything go.  Let everything be.  Want nothing from anything.  This is the way to know freedom.  This is the way to be at peace forever.  This is the way to have everything you truly desire, which is everlasting presence.  To want something or someone to show up differently, act differently, be differently than they are, is to attempt to control life or control others and not allow them to be themselves.  When we hope, pray, or plea that things will be different than they are, we lose our center and act in ways that are not in alignment or integrity with who we are in order to get what we think we want.  We then doubt, question, over-analyze, lash out, withdraw, react and endlessly stir in the thoughts of our mind.  The result of this is that we feel stuck, trapped, lost, powerless and at the mercy of others or to our experience of life.  

Our attachments to our ideas of what we want and the forms that those ideas take, steer the boat of our life if we let them.  In fact most people spend their life trying to get all of their desires to manifest so that they can give themselves the permission slip to relax and feel good.  Our desires are the guiding light, the spark that fuels the choices we make and the directions we choose, however when we attach to the outcome of our desires in order to get a perceived need or want met that we feel is missing, we have a recipe for suffering.  

In letting everything go we are open to receive everything as it is.  We allow our desires to take on whatever forms and shapes that they want to take on rather than the ones we think they should take on.  In this way we let the mystery of what will be reveal itself to us here now rather than fixating on how it will turn out, which puts us in the “next” mode.  This frees us from having to control life or others.  For most of us controlling isn’t our most natural state so it feels bad to us yet we continue to do it because we perceive lack.  Letting everything go means letting go of our control, letting go of our insistences, letting go of our rights, wrongs and and injustices, and letting go of our ideas and perceptions of lack.

To let go is to live love.  It is to be love, to be your natural state, to receive everything as it is.  It is to be here now, to be present and experience the bliss that is presence.  It doesn’t mean that you will never have painful sensations, intense emotions, unpleasant thoughts or challenges.  It doesn’t mean that you will never experience discomfort or dis-ease.  It doesn’t mean that all of your dreams and desires will be made manifest.  It only means that you will be present, you will be awake, you will be here.  You will stop trying to get anywhere and you will be where you are.  You will learn-share everything you are meant to learn-share.  You will stop missing out on your life because you realize you can’t miss out.  You will stop resisting, pushing away or forcing anything.  Instead you let whatever comes to you come.

The thing about now here is that it never leaves.  There is no situation, circumstance, event, activity, or experience that is separate from here now.  This means that presence is all pervasive.  There is no anything that needs to push you into next mode.  Full permission to be here, just as it is and find peace inside of now.  

Dr. Amanda Love, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, CO

THE GIFT OF YOURSELF

THE GIFT OF YOURSELF 

You are the gift you give

For many people there is an innate drive to give to others.  To serve, help, and support others generally generates good feelings inside of us as long as our giving comes from a place of true desire rather than obligation or agenda.  We are taught early on that we must learn skills, trades or other tools and means in order to have something to give.  Those things become our contribution to others.  This is the whole idea of work, and of trading services and resources.  

While our skills, services and abilities can add value to people’s lives and create ease, flow or greater efficiency in the world, they are not the gift that we give.  Two different people can have similar skills, services or abilities and yet they give an entirely different gift.  Sure on the surface it may seem that two architects can write up similar plans for a building, and yet they produce very different feels or results with their plans.  You may wonder why this is so.  It is so, because it is the energy of you that brings the gift of what gets produced.  It is the heart, the core of who you are, that is the actual gift you give.

Now this may seem very obvious to you conceptually.  Of course you understand that it’s you and the not the thing, but also notice how much of your mental and physical energy you spend on searching for the next cool thing you are going to create, the next career you will have, the next relationship you will start, all the while thinking that it will be your new purpose, the new thing that will define you and give you some sense of contribution.  It is very easy to pin the thing, meaning it is very easy for us to say “oh there is this thing that I can do or give to others and that makes my existence worthwhile.”  To say to yourself “I created this product, shared this service with others or did this thing and it changed people’s life, it’s so amazing!”  It is innocent enough and perhaps even true that your skill or ability did change their life and yet it is still not the gift you give.  

See in order to recognize the gift, you must be able to recognize and see yourself.  We are quite blind and distorted in our perspectives of how we view our own self.  We are not very clear mirrors for our own reflection.  We tend to not view ourselves as very worthwhile in general and therefore it’s easier to project our goodness on things we do rather than on our own selves.  We project our worth onto things.  Then to top it off the world reinforces all of our do-gooding all the while also telling us that if we think too highly of ourselves we are selfish and arrogant. Oh the conundrum! 

BEING WORTH 

Self-gratitude

Unless you know your worth you can’t give, because your giving is giving you.  If you see nothing of value in and of yourself, naked and without skills, abilities and stuff, then nothing will radiate out of you.  Sure you will still do stuff, create stuff and function in the world, but you will grow tired because you are running on empty inside trying to generate worth through what you do.  Until you know how worthy you are you will always have agenda, because you will always be trying to get love rather than realizing you are it.

Your radiance is your gift.  How you shine is your gift. It is really, really simple.  You could never attain worth or get more worthy and valuable based on any skill or ability that you may have or acquire.  Again it doesn’t mean that your skills won’t help out the ease and flow of this human existence, but they are not your service.  You are your service independent of anything that is done.

Since it is impossible to increase our worth this begs the question of how do we elevate our sense of self-worth.  Our sense of self-worth and our actual self-worth are two very different things.  The journey is in how we bridge the seeming gap in between without it being based on things that we accomplish or do.  Since most of our confidence comes through feats of walking into the fire of our own fears and limitations it is based in accomplishment or doing.  

There is one fast and short easy way to elevate our sense of self-worth and that is gratitude.  Gratitude for ourselves just the way we are in any given moment.  Appreciating the quirks, oddities, subtleties, nuances, particularities, and the way that we are exactly as we are.  Ending the desire to change ourselves or make ourselves different in any way brings greater and greater self-acceptance.  

Anything other than total gratitude for self is self-absorption, self-denial, self-hatred and the true selfishness.  It’s the true selfishness because when we don’t feel amazing about ourselves then we focus on ourselves.  We focus on what’s wrong with us and how to be different or better.  When we are focused on ourselves our energy goes in rather than radiating out.  The result is that we feel depleted rather than energized.  Giving/being ourselves is energizing because it’s effortless.  It doesn’t need to be more or less.  It is complete in and off itself.  None of this means that we won’t grow or change, but instead simply that growth will come through acceptance of self rather than through non-acceptance.  

Develop a daily practice of self-gratitude, not for what you do, but for who you are.  Nothing added, nothing subtracted.  Just you as you are.  This will be your portal into a sense of stable, infinite self-worth where you will naturally radiate the gift that you are.   

Dr. Amanda Love, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

OPEN TO RECEIVE

OPEN TO RECEIVE 

Re-finding our natural state

Most humans are living as a closed unit or entity, perceiving themselves to be separate and distinct from others and life.  This closed-off-ness is elusive to most, but that doesn’t make its existence any less present.  Closed-off-ness is akin to protection.  A way to keep things, people, pain, pleasure or support out or away.  When our system is closed our ability to take things in or receive is impaired.  Even if all the love in the world showed up on our doorstep we aren’t able to perceive or receive if our system is closed. 

A closed system leads to a experience of disconnection.  That disconnection can be felt as disconnection from ourselves, from others, from support, from guidance, from spirit or God, from abundance, from partnership, from love, from anything and everything we desire.  We might wonder why we don’t have or experience the things that we want and yet can’t see how we aren’t open to receive them.  Closed-off-ness is hard, tough and pushes away, while receiving requires softness, invitation and welcoming in.  

It isn’t hard to be open and receive, in fact openness is our natural state.  The investigation or work is in discovering where we are pushing out or away rather than including and inviting in.  There are many reasons why we don’t receive or why we close our system off.  At some point we might have felt pain or hurt that our tender heart didn’t want to feel so it turned in or cold, and never or only selectively reopened.  We may feel we don’t deserve or aren’t worthy to receive because we learned somewhere that we have to earn everything and nothing can simply be given to us.  We might feel that it is selfish to receive.  We may have had experiences of people not showing up or being there for us so we learned that we had to do everything ourselves and became doers rather than receivers.  

You can see that breaches of trust, no one being there, disappointment, reaching without return, and not having our inherent worth reflected to us all create situations where we make a decision (conscious or not) to close ourselves off to others, ourselves and the very life force that keeps alive.  We then struggle with a sense of darkness, disconnect, and powerlessness.  This state of being is so “normal” to us that we actually think it to be normal when it’s not.   

UNSELECTIVE RECEIVING 

It’s worth it

In order to have an open system we must receive all things fully and equally.  Selective receiving, while a step, still lends to only a partially open system.  If we desire to dissolve our bubble of illusionary separation and distinction, and participate with the one field, the one being that we are, then partiality won’t cut it.  This means we have to receive the good and the bad, the pretty and the ugly, the attuned and the mis-attuned, the hard and the soft.  This is the real work.  This is the opening of your heart to all it.

How do you open your heart this wide?  The truth is your heart is already infinitely wide and includes everything inside of it.  There is nothing you need to “do” to open it wider.  Instead you only need to accept, allow and feel everything that is already contained inside of it.  Your unwillingness to feel and accept what is contained, held and living inside of your own heart will keep you from experiencing loving in your every day moment to moment existence.  There is nothing else that will keep you out of the experience of love except your own unwillingness to receive everything equally.  

I invite you to investigate your relationship to receiving.  Notice where you are willing to receive and where you are not willing to receive.  Notice where you push away and where you allow in.  Notice where you feel in the dark or disconnected and where you feel illuminated and connected.  Notice where you do and where you be.  You must develop awareness of where you are not open in order to be able to recognize where/what you are not willing to receive. 

Receiving is a gift.  When you receive others you receive the gift of them.  When you receive yourself you recognize the precious treasure that you are and your worth can never be questioned again.  When you receive support and guidance you learn through others learning.   When you receive yourself you teach others what you know yourself to be.  You come to recognize that there is nothing you need to protect yourself from because everything is you.  The only protection needed is to love, to receive what is exactly as it is.

To be open is to be in communication with all.  While there are times where doors are to be closed, or communication is to be lost, at some point all must come back into communication along the journey.  Nothing is or could ever truly be disconnected, no matter how dark or distorted it seems.  To recognize, to see, to receive the essence of what is allows and invites it back home into its remembrance.  In time everything and everyone remembers what it is, that it never left home and was never apart.  The journey of peeling back your layers of closed-off-ness and seeming separation is worth it.  Even if the journey seems long, treacherous, never ending and impossible at times, it is worth it.  To return to your natural open state of total and complete union with all is worth it.

Dr. Amanda Love, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado 

DESIRE WITHOUT ATTACHMENT

DESIRE WITHOUT ATTACHMENT 

Coming back to love

Oh the conundrum of desiring without attachment.  The wanting, the hunger, the joyful moving towards the heart’s desire without any supposition or assurance for the fruits of your labor to be experienced or made manifest.  A seeming almost impossible feat, to stay desirous and unattached, and yet the possibility is ripe inside each and every moment. In fact, if the ripeness of possibility of unattached desire is chosen, the experience is unconditional love, or just actual love as love has no conditions.  

Why do we make conditional or bind that which is free and unbound at its very nature?  Because we want certainty.  We want safety in knowing that something will be, look, feel or show up in a particular way.  That image we have of what we want seems to be linked to us getting it, as without the getting of it we feel unfulfilled or empty of it.  However as soon as we try to get the thing or experience, we become laden with agenda and utilize tactics of manipulation to get or keep what we want.  Now there is no problem in getting what you want, of receiving the fruits of your heart’s desire, it’s simply that it must not be required in order for you to be fulfilled, joyful and feel complete.  There must be no need to have it inside of your desire for it.  The completion is in the desiring not in the getting.  

To have your focus on the desiring rather than the getting often leaves you with feelings of vulnerability, uncertainty and exposure.  There is the wide open mystery in front of you, in which you have no idea what it holds, and yet you continue to keep your heart open in desire, in love.  You let the mystery give you whatever it does without you insisting or holding onto a single way in which its supposed to look or feel.  Inside of this is the death of your insistences, of your limited perspectives of righteousness and thinking you know what is best from your egocentric mind.  It is you saying “I love, I want, I desire and I’m yours” to the mystery “do to me, with me, through me what you will”.  This is surrender.  It is rapture with the divine.  It is where my will and thy will merge into one.   

COMMITTED TO LOVE 

The way to surrender

In order to get to the point of surrender you must have one hell of a commitment to love and loving.  Even though surrender is glorified in spiritual communities and people loosely use the term like its some walk in the park, it is not easy.  It is not easy for your mind to give up getting what it wants or trying to figure out how to get what it wants, truly.  For a moment activate feelings of deep want and desire in your current most intimate relationship while simultaneously not needing to have the experience of being with that person.  Feel deeply wanting all the nice things that you surround yourself with without needing them to be in your surroundings.  Try feeling your passion for all the causes you feel passionate about without needing any of them to change from their current state.  You can see now that without your full on devotion to loving, the lure of getting the objects or outcomes of your desires will sweep you in, captivate you and you will be powerless to it.  The only thing that will pull you out of your self-indulgence is your steadfast, ruthless, total and complete devotion to loving no matter what.  

Loving no matter what is a muscle worth building.  I’m not sure why there aren’t more gyms that cultivate this type of workout, but I suppose its because life just naturally gives us plenty of times in a single day to stretch, firm and bulk up this muscle.  Any time you notice tension, resistance, non-acceptance, holding your breath, or turning away from something or someone you have an opportunity to build your love muscle.  If you start a practice of coming back to love over and over and over again then you will begin to know what surrender is rather than just talking about it.  Once you taste surrender you realize that none, and I mean none, of the objects and outcomes of your desires are “supposed to happen.”  You realize how little you see and know, and that you have no freaking idea what is supposed to happen from and through your desire.  This may sound a little depressing at first.  I get it.  But what it actually is and feels like is a true, sincere humility.  All of your pride, arrogance and needing to know or get, goes out the window.  

Yet the wanting, the loving, the desiring that you feel continues if you let it.  That desiring is the creative impulse of the creator moving through you.  That impulse is love.  Your mind tries to distort or condition that impulse (i.e. condition love) by making images, stories, and ideas about what that creative impulse is supposed to create and look like in the manifest.  It then attaches the impulse to the picture it created and insists that the two go together when in fact they may or may not.  Your job, if you so choose, is only to remain open to what your desires want to look like rather than insisting that they fit into your original image. 

Feeling, following and acting on your desires is key to you expressing the gift of the creator through you, but it is not for you to determine the fruits of that desiring.  This is desire without attachment.  This is what it is to love.  The art of loving is an expressive adventure indeed.  It is a full playing of the game of life.  A welcoming invitation to what is in every single moment.  The willingness to prioritize, commit, and devote your life to loving opens you into a life of ecstatic surprise and mystery, filled with a richness that you could never fit into any image you could imagine.

Dr. Amanda Love, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

HAVE FUN NOT KNOWING

HAVE FUN NOT KNOWING 

Welcoming uncertainty

Know, know, know.  We are eager to know what’s next, where we are going, what’s going to happen and how it’s all going to work out.  In fact we are so eager to know what will happen and to get to it already, that we don’t live in what is happening now.  The focus on the future, what it will bring or not bring, captivates our attention, consumes our thoughts and takes us right out of the present moment.  

We often don’t perceive much fun in not knowing.  In fact not knowing feels downright scary to most people as their sense of security, safety, validation and purpose is wrapped up in them knowing.  If you take a step back, a pretty far step back, and expand your perspective, you will see that everything is truly a mystery.  You’ve created routines, habits and schedules that make life look the same from day to day and give the appearance of knowing what is going to happen, but truly you don’t know.  If you stayed viewing from this larger perspective you would most likely start to notice feeling a sense of uncertainty and fear.  Due to this fear of uncertainty (which we mostly don’t let ourselves feel or even register that we feel) we do our best to create certainty.  Certainty in our relationships, our careers, the place we live, our families, our finances, our community, etc.  This artificially contrived sense of certainty gives us illusionary comfort in feeling that we will be ok because we know.  

So we must ask ourselves the question, how can not knowing be fun?  How can we change our relationship with uncertainty to one that feels good rather than one that feels bad?  If we don’t change our relationship with uncertainty than we will attempt to avoid it all costs because we perceive that it feels bad, and by nature we avoid things that don’t feel good.  However attempting to avoid uncertainty is also attempting to avoid the present since the present moment only reveals itself in the moment and not a single second before.  Trying to create certainty leads to a life that goes by and you don’t even know what really happened or if you even lived it.  You were so busy trying to get somewhere, figure out where you where headed and how to get there that you missed out on your life now.  Your life doesn’t happen in the future it happens now, this is it.   

LOVING WHAT IS 

Coming alive

One of the best ways to make not knowing fun and change your relationship with uncertainty is to love what is now.  To be a full fuck yes to what is here and committed to being here even if you don’t like what is here.  If you are busy living in fantasy land of what might happen, hasn’t happened yet or didn’t happen, you are screwed.  There really isn’t a more eloquent way to say it.  You are living in a made up world of “things will be better when…”, when I know my purpose, when I get a different job, when I have the relationship, partner or family I desire, when I find the perfect home, when I land my next gig or client, when I have this amount of money, when I find my next place to live, when I go on vacation, and on and on and on.  

To love what is stops you in your tracks.  It forces you to be present.  It forces your heart open.  It forces you to wake up and recognize what is here, what is already perfect, where you already are.  It does so really without any force at all, but will the power of love and loving.  When you choose to love what is rather than be somewhere other than you are (which is impossible by the way) you live for the first time.  To love is to live, to be alive.  Love requires that you let all resentments, hatreds, wrongness, failures, mistakes, imperfection, and the like go.  All of those perspectives keep you out of loving and therefore out of the present moment.  

Loving gives.  It gives to life.  It is what makes life come alive and be fun to live.  We all know this.  When uncertainty arises and you feel that sense of not knowing, and you recognize the pressure, stress or anxiety that are the side effects of your resistance to uncertainty, simply pause.  Take a breath.  Notice the feelings of stress, pressure, fear, and perhaps even doom and distress.  Notice that you are trying really hard to fight the feeling of not knowing, which comes with some threats to your sense of self, safety and purpose.  Simply allow.  Allow not knowing.  Open into the curiosity and even eventual playfulness that can arise from the mystery of what is to be revealed.  Don’t try to plan or figure out the reveal, when you will know, when you will get “there” wherever there is.  Just be here in the mystery of it.  Open into the mystery.  Invite it.  Welcome it.  Do not push it away or try to get through it.  Just be inside of it as if there is nothing to figure out and nowhere to go.  You already are where you are meant to be/go.  You already are doing what you are meant to be doing.  Will it change?  Yes it will always change.  

Trying to get (somewhere or something) contracts, tightens, constricts, and closes you off to all communication and information, whereas loving gives and allows for free exchange of energy, movement and information.  The paradox is that inside the mystery all is revealed, all is known.  Each moment fully informed, fully wise, fully self-aware.  That is the gift of presence, of the mystery, of the moment.  You can’t know from trying to know, but only from allowing the not known to be as it is.  In this way you create the space and container for all to be revealed to you inside the playful dance of creation.  

Dr. Amanda Love, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

UNWINDING TENSION

UNWINDING TENSION 

Physical, emotional & mental pain

We’ve all experienced tension.  Tension can live in our muscles, bones, ligaments, organs, glands, cells, or any tissue or part of our physical body.  Tension can also live in our subtler (visually unseen) bodies such as our emotional, mental or soul bodies. We can be either conscious or unconscious of our tension.  For example we might be aware of tension in our neck muscles, but unaware of tension say in our kidneys or bladder.  Or we might be aware of tension in our belly, but unaware of tension in our spine.  There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to where tension shows up and whether or not we are aware of it.

Why is tension created?  Tension is a mechanism created, ultimately by us, to protect us from feeling pain or other uncomfortable sensations, feelings or thoughts.  For example say you are in a car accident.  You will most likely create some physical muscle guarding (tension) in order to protect underlying organ structures and also to not feel such intensity of physical pain.  This is the most obvious of expressions and easiest to be conscious of.  The more awareness you develop of yourself the more you can tune into subtler and subtler levels of tension that exist in your less dense bodies such as your emotional and mental bodies. Say for example you are in a relationship and your partner does something that triggers you in some way.  If you slow yourself down you will be able to track the tension in your emotional body that may or may not have a physical manifestation or expression.  If you do this you will be able to notice what emotional pain you are attempting to avoid or lessen through creating tension.  Same is true if you have a particular thought or thought pattern that is out of alignment with the truth.  That thought will create tension in your mental body that again may or may not have an emotional or physical expression, but if you slow yourself down enough you will be able to track what mental pain you are attempting to decrease through creating tension.

When we create tension we essentially block or dampen part of our experience.  This can be helpful in extreme physical or emotional situations where we don’t have the resources or awareness to integrate and process the experience that is happening as it is happening.  What will often happen then is that we will develop a certain tension/holding pattern in our system that stays in place until we feel safe and/or ready to allow the experience to be felt.  Sometimes unwinding happens naturally and organically once we are out of the intense situation.  However other times it doesn’t happen naturally as we aren’t quite ready to feel or have the resources to process what occurred.  So we stay in a more bound or closed state, also known as a tension/holding pattern, which again we may or may not be aware of.   

TRANSCENDING LIMITATION

Walking towards pain

Let’s face it, having a human experience is intense.  Whether or not you’ve had some particularly intense experiences or you’ve lived more of a “normal” life, it is pretty much guaranteed that you have some degree of tension/holding patterns in your system just by the nature of having this human incarnation.  Tension is not bad or wrong, it’s simply an effect of not desiring to feel something that doesn’t feel good.  You could also term this resistance.  Resistance is often not intentional, nor is the avoidance of pain necessarily evident to most.  Many people are unaware of how much they avoid discomfort of any kind, in fact most create their lives specifically to avoid pain.  Again none of this is fundamentally bad or wrong, instead it simply points to why we have the experiences, life and awareness that we have, which are frequently sprinkled or riddled with a sense of disconnection, limitation or blockage.    

Tension creates an arbitrary sense of separation and inherent sense of limitation.  Whether that separation or limitation is experienced physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually depends on the individual and what lessons they gave themselves to learn.  You are of course unlimited, eternal beingness that has no edges, limits, or incapabilities, but telling that to someone who is having a human experience is kind of like telling a kid that play isn’t real.  It just simply doesn’t compute. So while we are here in these bodies we must learn the lessons of separation/limitation in order to transcend our current perspectives of it. One of the ways to learn the lessons of limitation is through increasing your awareness of your tension patterns in both your physical & subtle bodies and walking towards pain rather away from it.  What we avoid we can’t experience and therefore can’t unwind.  If we can’t unwind the tension that was created than we stay stuck in a particular holding pattern in our physical and/or subtler bodies.  This then gives us the perpetual experience of limitation or lack of full self-expression because how we hold ourselves relates to how we see the world and therefore the experiences that we have.  

Say for example you really desire to experience blissful, ecstatic oneness with the the divine, yet simultaneously you have mental tension patterns (thoughts & beliefs) that tell you how unworthy you are.  You can’t know yourself as infinite worth if you are constantly avoiding the thought/belief of unworthiness or if you don’t even know its there.  The thought/belief unworthiness will create a tension pattern in your mental body that will feel like it blocks you from knowing yourself as infinite worth.  That must be moved towards and unwound through feeling that which is untrue (i.e. unworthiness and the pain associated with that thought).  For another example say you really want to be full self-expressed, but feel emotionally triggered for a good part of your days.  Being emotionally triggered is another way of saying that you are avoiding feeling emotional pain, and you can’t be fully self-expressed if you are simultaneously avoiding a part of yourself and your experience.  That would be a contradiction. 

The key to sustainably unwinding the tension patterns in your system is through walking towards what’s been avoided, which is often uncomfortable and the last place we want to go.  However freedom is through and not around those experiences.  The other option is to know unequivocally that you are love and remove all self-doubt of this truth instantly.  This is entirely possible, however not as probable as doing the work to increase awareness of yourself, your tensions, your avoidances and resistances, and then navigate right into them.  Not to stay there for eternity, but to walk right on through them, fully experiencing what they have to offer, and coming out as free, open love on the other side. 

Dr. Amanda Love, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado

GIVE, GIVE, GIVE

GIVE, GIVE, GIVE 

Stop withholding love

The most sustainably reliable way of being that produces fulfillment and happiness is giving.  Giving to others, giving to life, giving, giving, giving without any agenda or expectation of return.  Yet most of our energy and attention goes to what we will get from life.  We have been brainwashed into believing that getting is what brings us fulfillment, joy and happiness and that giving depletes our already scarce resources of time and energy.  Getting the relationship, the job, the family, the business, the vacation, the house, the attention, the perfect body, the healthy body, and on and on provides only the delusion of happiness in attainment   We even often only give in order to get, meaning we give ourselves to people or things in order get a result or something in return.

What does pure, without agenda or expectation giving, even look like?  To make it really simple it means that you would have to not want or need anything from anything or anyone.  This includes things like wanting love, attention, desire, recognition, acknowledgment, and praise, as well as survival needs such as financial or living support.  I get that that can seem like a really tall order and many people aren’t ready for that level selflessness. However until you arrive at that level of purity you will suffer and attempt to get things from life and others that seem to have the promise of joy and happiness inside of them, but which instead postpone true fulfillment.

Any time you suffer it’s because you don’t get, see or experience what you want or because what you give isn’t received by others in the way that you want it to be, which again is not experiencing what you want and hence your agenda in giving.  When we don’t freely give we withhold and distort love and it feels really, really bad.  What this typically manifests as is us feeling bad, being in a bad mood, feeling frustration or stuck-ness, not having clarity, being confused, and feeling powerless or not seeing choice in the matter at hand.  These feelings and experiences are life telling you that you are withholding love, which is also withholding yourself because love is what you are. When you try to hold onto something, get something, or keep something you think you want you will distort the love that you are.  The result is impure motives, drives and lack of any true lasting fulfillment. 

LOVING IS GIVING 

Opening the heart

Loving is giving and giving is loving. They are the same.  It is not hard to give.  In fact giving is more natural than anything because it is your nature.  You don’t have to have some special skill set or come up with some fancy thing to give to others or life.  Your being is giving, and when you have purity and agenda-less-ness, giving is the natural result.  For a moment think about the times when you thought about saying something nice to someone or doing a kind act that you felt naturally inclined to do, but then you didn’t do it.  Maybe you weren’t sure how they would take it, or you didn’t want to seem like too much, or you doubted yourself and made your giving silly or stupid.  In this example what happened is that you become more concerned with yourself than you did about giving.  You made it about you, as you cared more how it was received and how you would be seen.  This withholding seems innocent enough and yet its laden with self-centeredness.  

Keep in mind is that giving is organic. Sometimes people will over-give in order to feel right, worthy, or validated.  This too is a distortion of love as they seek for ok-ness, approval, value and worth.  There will be energy expenditure and energy transfer that may create feelings of tiredness to your physical, emotional or mental bodies, but there should not be depletion of your being.  If you are feeling depleted it is an indication that you are out of balance and need to reassess what really serves.  Are you doing too much because you are focused or attached to an outcome and are therefore over-extending yourself?  Are you doing too little, withholding, not giving to others and therefore not bringing energy into your system through giving and thus feeling depleted?  You having a fuel tank of gas and taking care of your self-care is absolutely essential if you are going to be of service in giving to others.  The intention remains though that taking care of you is to give to others, not an end in of itself.  

In order to naturally give, to be giving in and of yourself, your heart must be open and available.  Giving is a lot of work, draining and effortful if your heart is not online.  Opening your heart is both the first and last step.  When tension or resistance is suspended or resolved you radiate, emanate and overflow.  The easiest and quickest path to resolution is forgiveness.  For-give-ness.  For in forgiveness you give again, you choose to open your heart, you choose to let go of what you think you want or need, how you were done wrong or did wrong, and all agenda for getting or being received in any particular way.  Energy can now freely exchange in and out of your system.  You hold onto nothing and hold back nothing.  There is nothing to lose and only the gift of being and sharing remains.  

The gift is the giving of your being just as you are.  When your heart is open it includes all inside of it, all beings, all others.  Care is inherent.  As you increase your dial on what you can give to others all of your needs, wants and desires will be taken care of.  That which is in alignment with you will be your experience.  There is no lack when we give, but rather natural overflowing abundance of giving and being.  

Dr. Amanda Love, Chiropractor, Network Spinal Analysis & Somato-Respiratory Integration, Boulder, Colorado